Show Re-cap for Wednesday 6/11/2014

Holy fucking afternoon motherfuckers. Look at me getting this shit done before nightfall. It’s a new day my friends, a new day. Just kidding, I just decided to do this instead of go pick up my kid from daycare. Bow to your lame, scumbag God!

And also bow to you sexual degenerate God, Jason Ellis. Tully said how nice it was to be sitting across from a sexual degenerate every day, and Jason seemed a little offended at first, and a bit confused. Tully then explained what it was all about and how Chuck Liddell may secretly be a sexual degenerate but you’d be a fool to ask him. The guys hypothesized what Mick Mars of Motley Crue fame might have gotten up to in his heavy degenerate days. How long did it take for him to get jaded enough to fist a man? One album? Two albums? How long before he woke up next to an ashamed looking goat with wobbly legs? The rest of us may never know how deep that rabbit hole goes.

Tully Bro’d down with his kid the other night while his wife went out and got shit faced which is the hallmark of any healthy parents. One person to hold down the fort and let the kid believe everything is normal, while the other goes and tries to forget their life is over and nothing will be good ever again.

Ellis wants a grand entrance into the studio. Maybe have the interns sprinkle flowers over him in the elevator. Maybe wear a cape a ‘la James Brown. The best idea that came out of it was getting Hot Dog to follow him into the elevator dressed as an Ewok and sing the songs of the Ewoks in a crowded elevator.

Ellis was on Dr. Drew last night, and rehashed the story about the 8 year old who was abused by a guy, and the guy went to jail, got out of jail and then a member of the family killed him. Jason completely agrees with the decision to kill the guy and Dr. Drew thought he maybe didn’t really feel that way. Nope. There may be a more rational way to go about dealing with the situation of somebody molested your kids, like calling the police and reporting it. But…..No. Just kill the fucker and go to jail if you have to. It’s very strange how we like to see ourselves as evolved and rational beings, but every now and then, out of necessity, we devolve and have to tap into that primal, murderous rage, because oddly enough: It’s the right thing to do. These people may be sick, or mentally scarred, but ultimately, they are broken and can’t ever be trusted to operate in society where they can do more harm and create more assholes like them. To quote Ellis “If you molest my kid, I’m gonna make you die.” I’m totally with Jason on this one. If someone ever touches my kid, you can bet I’m painting a masterpiece of brutality, and making it a tough fucking for the clean up crews. And then I’ll call Ellis to……

Get. The. Cock. Off. Your. Chest. More of the usual fare here, a dude got blown by a Native American tranny, and she wanted him to talk dirty to him while she was blowing him and he busted out the old classic “You like getting fucked by the white man??” line. I wonder if a single tear dropped down her cheek as he booted her out onto the highway. A very evil and smart lady drugged her mother in law because she was such a bitch. Risky move, but it’s got quite a high reward so, pick your timing wisely.

Dolphins. We all know them as the murderous sexual predators of the sea that they are. And they may be moving in on your lady. A british lady has opened up about how she openly had a sexual relationship with a dolphin. She was a trainer, and the dolphin took a liking too her, rubbing up on her, humping her leg and hurting her a little bit from the thrusters. She continuously tried to fend him off, until she finally gave in and jerked the little guy off. She jerked the dolphin off for a time, and then one day when the dude had to be transferred, he died shortly after. More than likely of a broken heart. Ah, your mom. She’ll jerk off anything. The show dolphin came into the studio to shed a little light on the conversation. He’s a little bummed that Jason doesn’t want to have sex with him. But Jason reckons he could get Katie to jerk him off and the dolphin is pumped on that. So when is ok to jerk off a dog? You’ve got to have a medical reason (for the dog, not because you have anxiety (Or are Dingo)) for giving the little fella a release. The conversation tail spinned into if Tiger asked Ellis to jerk him off when he was 18, and Ellis would have to tell him he is gay and probably needs therapy because why are you asking your dad to jerk you off. Holy shit I’m sorry. I’m listening to this live and it’s going off the rails fast as fuck. MOVING ON.

Tard that Tune made it’s return, and this time around, Cumtard has added the Helium factor into his conglomerations. So for the purposes of this recap, I’m going to call the segment Tard That Tune: Even Tarder. That’s my jokes for this segment. It’s not very easy to recap and I’m not very ambitious. Googly Boo!

Ellis was on Doug Benson’s wed show “Getting Doug With High” today, and left the show early. It’s live right now as I write this, but might be gone by the time I finish it.  People get high on there. Jason is gonna get high on there and then go on the red carpet for something?

Ellis leaves and Tully is left to man the phones and take out the rest of the show. The topic is “What is the dumbest thing you have ever done while high” The clear winner above and beyond was the guy who called in to tell the story about how him and his friends accidentally left incense burning and his buddy’s house burned to the ground. He won a UFC code.

Let’s see… Well that’s about it. Remember, to always wash that extra warm section of your asshole, it’s always the stinkiest and requires a little extra attention.

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