Show Re-cap for Wednesday 1/15/2014

Before we begin, let me take a moment to congratulate friend of the show and obviously huge NYA fan @emilyinSD A.K.A. Sexual Bowling Ball on the bun of Will Pendarvis bread she is currently cooking in her oven. If you are having trouble coming up with a name, might I suggest this handy dandy name generator?

A silky smooth good evening to you, mongrels. Dudes, have you ever shaved your legs? Jason did this morning and he’s got his leggings on and he is feeling fast and free. I shaved my balls once, and when it grew back the next day it felt like my dick was wearing a cactus for a scarf. Ellis says he thinks Tyler Posey being on the show got him more followers on twitter than any person who has been on the show before. I have to say Tyler was a pretty cool guest, and if you haven’t heard that show I recommend it for On Demand or catch it on Best of.

Piranhas are bullshit! The King and Queen of the West are calling out Piranhas on being the savage creatures who tear apart cows and will rip you to shreds. But upon further interweb investigation, it turns out Piranhas aren’t worth a damn unless you want to slowly pick apart a frog. Tully figured out the myth around Piranhas is because the world was never as connected as it is today, and stories about monsters in the river used to be believed because nobody could prove it. Speaking of piranhas, and pulling legs off of frogs for that matter, Tully used to have piranha and he was told to feed goldfish to it to make them aggressive. Ellis and Tully exchanged stories of having mice and gerbils who ate each other and fucked each other and ate the babies. Tully says he is surprised his parents didn’t think he was a serial killer. Fun Fact: when I was a kid I collected as many salamanders as I could in this little yellow plastic box. I must have had 40 of them in there for about 3 days. I left them outside and when I went to check on them in the morning, and they were eating each other’s tails and feet and stuff. I wanted to put them out of their misery, so I boiled some water and brought it outside and dumped them in it. They went stiff as a board instantly, and I dumped them in the creek behind my house. Ahhh, memories. I was a good kid.

Ready for my first day of school, Mom!

Ready for my first day of school, Mom!

One of my favorite guests of all, Frank Decaro stopped by the show today. They caught up a bit on the state of their dogs, and shot the shit before they got into the heavy stuff. They started talking about the Razzies before they got off on a tangent about Frank fucking a desk chair when he was a young boy. Through organic conversation this brought back the fabled “What Have You Fucked?” segment of the Jason Ellis show. And I would never suspect for a moment that you twisted sons of bitches(yes coming from Salamander Hitler over here)would disappoint me. You, the Jason Ellis fan base are associated with champions who have fucked such things as a honey ham, bologna held to look like a vagina, the quintessential pool jets and couches, a snowman and a can of biscuits. The one that took the cake though was a guy who called in to say when he was 13 he had cancer and had a catheter in, so he couldn’t whack it. Then one day in the hospital, they took it out to change it and he wasted no time in grabbing the IV bags and squishing them around his cock and fucking it. When the nurse walked back in, he didn’t even stop and she said a nice “God Bless You.” Red Dragons to him and the nurse. Fun Fact: Fuck Biscuit is my pet name for your mom’s neck fat.

They played some game where they had to guess if something was a dating site or not. I didn’t listen because I got distracted by children. Not in that way. It’s my kid. Not that that would make it less creepy. Stop it. My kid demands attention and wants to be fed and shit so I had to turn off the show. No, you’re weird.

After the break, the guys talked Razzies for a minute, and realized a lot of it is just head hunting bullshit. Like constantly ragging on Nick Swardson and Adam Sandler because they don’t go outside the box any more. Razzies are lamer than the Oscars. Sandler rules. new movies kind of suck but Sandler rules.

*Update: I listened to it, and it was totally funny. On Demand because I’m lazy!

*Update: I listened to more and thought of a joke. One of the dating sites Tard brought up was and Tully said it would be funny if it was some other race than white people, like they were just taking the throne. All I’d have to say is THANK YOU for the weight off my shoulders, other race. Oh!

So there was a song idea Jason had for Death Death Die! and he and Tully wanted to work it out on the show. The basic idea is that he wants it to be a metal song about doing crunches and burpees and eating celery. Tully fucked around with the guitar and the sound was all screwed up thanks to Cumtard and Will. QUIT SULKING AND START WORKING PENDARVIS!

Segways somehow got brought up according to my notes. And then it got onto golf carts. Golf clothes and golf culture are perfect for midgets incidentally. Golf as a physical game though, is probably not a lucrative career for a midget. There is no way a 3 foot dude is getting par, nor are they capable of climbing out of a sand trap. They’d just scramble on all fours while the earth around them just slipped away from them because they can’t grasp the needed amount friction to get out with their tiny sausage fingers.

Tully says hovercrafts aren’t really hovering. Yeah. But with help from Ellis, and a caller, Tully was proven wrong. Let me say on behalf of NYA: YOU SIR, ARE A MORON. How does it feel Dummy McDumbfuckberg? I bet you still sing the rabbit ears song when you tie your shoes you dumb, dumb Oxford graduate. Sorry Tully, but we don’t get the chance to do this very much. It’s a good thing you’re pretty.

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