Day 2 of TJES in New York and we have got some HUGE news coming from the meeting that Jason had with SiriusXM execs today. I mean BIG, AWESOME GREAT FUCKING AMAZING NEWS!!!!!! The show is super gnarly now and everything is crazy good.
Ellis was thinking about being a rapper, but when he raps inside his own head he’s got a vibe where he is always cappin’ N-Bombs. Problem is, he doesn’t actually cap N-Bombs and it would sound weird coming from a white Australian dude with tattoos to be dropping that kind of shit. Which is probably why there have only been one or two ultra successful white rappers. Because N-Bombs are the key to true hip-hop success. Ellis is wearing a sort of Islamic looking sweatshirt and got big ups from an Islamic looking dude walking down the street for it.
Remember how that chick called yesterday and said she wanted to come down and meet Ellis while he was in New York? Well Ellis decided he would be nice and say hi and make a fan happy. Bad idea, she made him wait an hour and a half outside and for some reason she couldn’t find a parking spot in midtown Manhattan and Ellis had to blow her off.
I feel like I’ve kind of blown over something here….Let me check my notes, I swear there was one important piece of information I’m failing to mention. Oh yeah! Ellis ordered a ton of food from room service last night to really celebrate a night by himself watching movies. He got chicken fingers, brownies and ice cream and a grilled cheese WITH bacon! Oh, that Ellis! Always eating food and stuff. And you know what else is crazy? Last night, Rawdog had the EXACT SAME DINNER!
Alright, alright. The big news from Jason’s meeting today was that they got everything they asked for. Absolutely everything. There were a few things that Jason had to keep tight lipped for now, but the big announcement was that Tim Sabean will now be the boss of the Jason Ellis show. If you don’t know who he is, or don’t know that when someone’s name is highlighted in blue that it’s a link to learn more you fucking twat, Tim Sabean managed Howard Stern’s two channels and staff for a number of years and is always regarded as a guy who gets shit done. Tim’s involvement is particularly interesting for a number of reasons. One, he is a big time name with Sirius and radio in general from his long standing reputation on Howard’s show. Two, it was also recently announced that Sabean will be the new program director of Opie and Anthony. Ellis hinted at possibly having their own channel, a new studio (which he has been hinting at for weeks now) and possibly more staff to grease the squeakier wheels of the show (I.e. call screener, producer, Ellis not having to book guests via twitter). But as far as the O&A tie goes, it may end up that there is a joint channel there where replays are played on both, but that’s all speculation and we will find out sometime in the near future. And hey, maybe on down the road, TJES may get an after-show. If they do go that route, I think they should get a group of people who really love the show and are particularly awesome at finding creative and entertaining ways to relay all of the information presented in the show and compacting it into a very short space. Good luck finding that, though!
When Wilson was married, he would leave for work and tell his wife “I love you honey goodbye.” And she would reply “I love you too, and remember: You’re ugly and nobody likes you.” But she would say it in sort of a endearing and funny way that couple do. Wilson’s point was that if you say stuff like that to a person every day they can start believing it. Ellis doesn’t think so though, sometimes Katie will make him breakfast and he will say “Thanks, ya dumb whore.” But it’s cute and funny and shit when he says it so it’s ok. Also there was a poll in 1978 that said that 50% of men were interested in doing extreme sports like kayaking and skydiving and women were 25%. A similar poll was taken now and found that only 25% of men were interested in that and still 25% of women. They say this could be because of testosterone dropping or something I’m kind of losing what the whole thing was about but the meat of the conversation was this: If you were told towards the end of your life you could live 10 more years as a man, or 30 more years if you had a sex operation and turned into a woman, what would you do? Everyone said they would take the woman route and live a little longer and have a vag and wear dresses and scare their grandkids and shit. Not a bad idea if you ask me, maybe humanity will live a little longer if we have a bunch of hairy trannies running around in pantsuits…..I don’t know what that means just read on, fucker.
If you hear Josh doing the Sara voice in the next few days and calling himself JasonEllis Anderson, it’s because they did a thing where Josh used the voice machine and talked about sucking dick and getting all of his holes filled and it was pretty funny. He’s a little out of the loop being on the west coast, but in all honesty, he is probably having a better time getting blowjobs in Jason’s chair while he is gone. He is probably farting on everything Jason touches during the show. And it’s so hot in that studio, you know his balls are getting sweaty and you know he has to be wiping his greasy ball sweat on Ellis’ microphone.
Josh is celebrating the Jewish new year because they have been counting years longer than Christians but white people just sort of ignore anything before Jesus or anything brown skinned, so happy September 4th bitches. Tully and Cullen reminisced about Real New Year’s they have had in the past and it was riddled with pussy and cocaine and seducing sleeping chicks in bathtubs. Cullen, the old pussy hound he is used to land chicks out of his league with his old friend, Joe Cocaine. Joe Cocaine sounds like the biggest dick at every party I’ve ever been to.
Wilson made a “Name That Tune” style game where he played a Muzak version of popular songs and everyone had to guess what it was. The winning prize would be a very special session with Wilson Pendarvis where he will judge the winner’s butt. I only briefly mention this because the guys are going to make Wilson walk around judging butts at Ellismania now and that is a role that creepy bastard was born to play.
Lastly, a new signature segment “Dude, what’s the worst injury you’ve had while taking a shit.” To sum it up, a LOT of people pass out while taking shits! They crack their heads, wake up on the floor with shit all over them and it sounds like a bad time so don’t do it. One guy was taking a shit in the water and got stung by a Jellyfish.
Another guy started some shit at a bar and a fight spilled outside and while he was beating up a security guard he got hit by a car and shit his pants. You need to talk to your kids about poop. And another guy enema’d himself and unloaded on his girlfriends shower. Pooping is one of the most important things you will do in life and you need to make sure your poop is right. You need to let them know to be proud of each poop they take, knowing that that is hopefully the last they will ever see of the awful bastard who stretched out their anus momentarily. Might I offer up inventing a victory dance to do after every poop, complete with lifting the turd out of the toilet and spiking it back down in the bowl victoriously. Ok, I’m getting a little too loose and gross now so I’m going to go beddy bye now. Fuck off.