Welcome to the Pre-Vacation Recap of The Pre-Vacation Jason Ellis Show. The guys will be gone for the next two weeks on vacation, and like any good listener you’re wondering, what are the guys going to be doing while gone? Well it’s a good thing I’m here to tell you. Ellis is going to be training and eat healthy and rolling around with sweaty, hairy men and getting a tan as he trains jiu jitsu. Rawdog is going to just roll on the pussy train making all the stops in Tuna Town, Smash City, and Beavertropolis. Tully will be reading Children’s books, because he is super dad and that’s what super dad does. After vacation they thought it would be really awesome to do a show sitting in the ocean, that is until one of the intern tards dropped the cord killing everybody. Josh revealed that he is also going to a vampire porn movie premier at a club so he can finally put all those games of Dance Dance Revolution to use. Tully broke the law to check out massive boobies, rightly so, those things are ridiculous! Thank you sir for your contributions to society. Would you cut your balls off to win the lottery? For hundreds of millions of dollars are you willing to have just a shaft and a massive taint? I would, and I would show everybody my million dollar nut sack scar as I laugh and drive away in my Lamborghini. Ellis thinks he can fight a bear with a shield and sword and win, I’m not touching this topic. Are you a fat piece of shit and want to know the Jason Ellis Secrets To Weight Loss? Burn more calories than you eat, don’t eat junk food, and don’t eat after eight at night. That’s right fattys, it’s that simple.
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was caught on tape smoking crack and talking shit and the video is up for sale. The dude that owns it wants to get paid six figures for it, but that’s Canadian money so it’s probably like $3.50 American and a cheeseburger. Speaking of food, the Chronic Taco guys showed up with delicious morsels of assorted animal meats and spices. They shot the shit and talked a bunch about Weeman, Weematt, Josh Hanson, and fucking on every surface in their restaurants. Okay, maybe not EVERY surface, but if you find a hair in your taco…
In Aussie News a man on a stroll got attacked by a startled kangaroo, an Australian Minister Of Education clicked “like” on a Facebook photo of a kid not knowing the kid was playing sneaky nuts. Ellis challenged Dom to a reading sing off duel while wearing cockroaches. Dom screamed like a little girl when the woman, that’s right a woman, put them on him. This incredibly entertaining bit of torture was brought to you by Reptile Outpost, always supplying TJES with creepy crawly bitey things. Sweet Wheels (@SweetWheelsLa) brought in some treats for the guys and the girls told them about being i a desert truck and the tough times of being a mobile restaurant chef and owner. After stuffing their faces the guys took a few phone calls giving relationship advice. Here is a summary of their replies: tell your chick tough shit and be happy you have a roof and food, if she’s getting wasted all the time get her help or leave, if she’s got another dude leave her alone until she doesn’t, the best way to get over a chick is to get under another one, don’t date your besties ex unless its been over 10 years and you have written permission and he’s dead. Then there were a bunch more calls for different advice but I didn’t write them all down because its Friday and I don’t give a fuck.
And now Hollywood News. I’m gonna level with you folks, I couldn’t give a shit what happens in Hollywood, with celebrities, or in the news. I would be incredibly happy if they cut this bit down to twice a week. I don’t know what you think but you don’t write the recap
so neener neener neener. Now back to your regularly scheduled shenanigans. There is MMA this weekend but not for Nate Diez because he tweeted the F word, not that F word, the other F word and got a fine and suspended. In poop news scientists might have to spear shit on the space ship that is going to Mars. And some Canadian car smashin hackey player called in showing us just how frequent those guys get concussions and other mind limiting head injuries. That also reminds me, yer mum better get HumanShittingCream.com quick before someone else grabs it. Everybody knows that nobody can hold more cream in her ass than yer mum, OH!