Oy Mate, It’s me Jason Ellis! I shit in your mom’s fishtank, Red Dragons ya cunt.
A set of double D tits is better to have for a year than a set of dog’s balls on your face, fact! Oh, and its Thursday, also fact! From here on out its total bullshit, so lets get to it. Ellismate is still doing his home jail house workout, but is stuck in between ripped and Rawdog. Meanwhile, at the Ellis estates, #burgerellis got his first x-ray today, Red Dragons to you my puppy friend. Hey, if your ever in Vegas at Drais Afterhours, be sure to look for Jason Ellis, catching VIP treatment and taking photos n shit. Turns out Kit Cope has a friend who was in Vegas this weekend, and saw Ellis there, high on ecstasy with some Asian chic. Only Ellis wasn’t in Vegas, so what the fuck – We have an imposture! Of course Ellis hit Kit up on the air to try and get to the bottom of it, and Kit quoted a line from the fake Ellis “I am Jason Ellis and I make lots of money talking on the radio”. Cumtard tried to get in touch with Drais, but everyone’s still sleeping so it remains a mystery. Dogs are dumb, babies are dumber, and baby dogs are dumberer than all. Not this dog yo, he be riding it til the wheels fall off. So naturally that video led to Tully, drunk off his ass of course, verse a dog in a race to the death. Sounds cool, but not sure about the legality’s of that. If we were in Thailand though, game fucking on! Sounds like Ellis wants to take the show there for a few weeks, and maybe get a group salad tossing with Josh to bond as brothers. Tully did point out the 3-7 AM time frame, but again, game fucking on! Its not likely to happen though, as they can’t even get out to Ellis, Kansas let alone friggin Thailand. One Day!
Rawdog just misses his McGriddles…
Mike Dolce joined the show to talk diet and health n shit, and if you listen to the show for health and to get good advice about it, you want to go back and check this out. Mike’s a trainer for a shit ton of UFC fighters like Vitor Belfort, Johnny Hendricks, Quinton Rampage Jackson and many others. He helps them cut weight, but not by starvation, rather a good diet and discipline, fucking sucks I know. Dude knows his shit, which is as basic as eating earth grown stuff every 2 to 4 hours while awake, and til your satisfied not full. Sure you gotta change up your lifestyle, but you don’t have to be nuts about it. Mike on the other hand carries a book bag with a day of food and supplies n shit, such as almond butter, oat bran, and hemp hearts (What the fuck is a hemp heart?). He’s written a few books on it, which Ellis and Rawdog each plan to try out. For Josh, he will be checking out Living Lean, while Ellis is more of a 3 Weeks to Shredded guy. Of course Rawdog is the Darth Vader of nutrition so we shall see how he does. Other cool shit we learned, just cause its 100% natural don’t mean shit, bleach can be 100% natural and ain’t good for you. Alcohol is a poison anyway you slice it, but weed is mellow as long as ingested not inhaled, since its better than any prescription drug you can get. Also you need 9 hours of sleep a night, and avoid Crossfit all together as its gayer than you are my homo friend.
Oh yeah, DING!
Dana White, the man the myth the legend, called the show to shoot some UFC breeze with the wing. I wonder if Dana owns a $450 Starbuck’s metal card? Not sure, but I can guarantee you he own’s quite a few assistants, all of which are hotter than Ellis’s new assistant Ryan. Ryan’s a happy dude who loves the Dead Kennedy’s and is from Vancouver. Back to Dana White, so he’s “friggin’ awesome” and he loves Ellis, thinks the wing is the coolest. So anyways, which fight is Ellis most pumped to see asked Dana, how about the Cain Velasquez/Junior dos Santos fight which ain’t even this weekend. FUCK, stupid brain say dumb things go DUH! Rawdog fed him a few of the fights on this weekends free UFC on FOX5, and Ellis is siked to see both the Benson Henderson/Nate Diaz and the BJ Penn/Rory MacDonald fights, calling Benson Henderson a ‘freak horse human’ so check it out. Ellis also was a bit pissed at the final on this season’s Ultimate Fighter, but its Team Carwin no matter what happened for him. Ellis added he was going to go check the videos from the weigh-ins, which Dana reminded him haven’t even happened yet. Moral of the story kids, if you like to hear Dana White, go back and check this out as you may never hear him again on TJES after today! In other meaningless news, Snakes on a Plane ain’t just a shitty movie anymore. This other dude blamed a cat for the murder of a lawyer. Last but not least, Rory MacDonald dresses like a French Canadian fag, and Tully’s wife is madly in love with Manny Pacquiao.
Well no fucking wonder….
Not much today in the way of Hollywood News, just the grammy’s. Rawdog played a bunch of gay award-winning gay music to show Ellis what was hot this past year. Maybe Death! Death! Die! can be in next year’s Grammy nominations, I mean shoebox knows a guy. Just record a clean version of Big Funky Mega Boat and its on like Donkey Kong. If I may be serious for a second, #fucktully for reminding us about Ghost Dad, i mean really dude. But not for beating Linsanity with pillows and thundersticks, thats just fucking cool and necessary. Cats kill babies, its all true, and all over the internet. They literally will “take the breath” of your infant, so watch out. Stars too will literally take the Ellis show, and just fuck it up to beyond recognition, or so thinks Ellis. He’s fucking done with those assholes, they don’t care and can’t get it right. His original intention for even being on that shit station was to fucking put it to Covino n Rich. But those dudes turned out to be cool and care about radio n shit, and with all the fuck ups over the years, its just time to move on. Will kill joyed any Faction replay ideas since too many people like punk and need a channel for it. Whatever happens, we will always have our little noon to four on the west coast to look forward too, and Sirius on demand if we miss it, except in Canada I hear. And your mom always has her Skechers and Crossfit training to look forward too as well, oh and like 13lbs. of shit and load we’ve been saving up for her, OH!