Rawdog’s plight
It’s June 1st and it’s #WGAFF, coincidence? Probably not. I mean, there’s no significance to it at all, it is what it is. Who cares, let’s get into some shit shall we? Don’t everybody answer all at once! If you answered “yes” to that last question, you’re in for a treat, and if you answered “no”, well you’re still in for a treat! See, it’s a win-win situation all the way around for you lucky bastards, and it’s all because I love you. Ellis says he fucks ugly chicks all the time, he had gotten a prostitute a few weeks ago who was apparently pretty fugly and he wasn’t even sure she wasn’t a dude, but she pulled out titties so… yeah. Ellis is going camping this weekend, as it turns out, I too am going camping this weekend. The difference? He’s looking forward to it, and I’m not. I’ve camped enough in my life and now I like my creature comforts, plus I won’t be jet skiing so that’s a fuckin’ downer. Rawdog got recognized while he was at the bank today, the teller chick (Meredith) asked if he was “Rawdog” and said she listened everyday. I don’t even need to say this but for posterity sakes, he didn’t hit on her or ask her out or anything.
Canadian protester in the wild
Some guy named “Richard” called into the show and said his testicle never dropped down into his scrotum so he had surgery on his ovary ball, oddly enough, he didn’t even sound Canadian. Apparently some Canadians are really pissed aboot all the Canada jokes on the show eh, and feel like they should get more respecky – but I think that’s just the Canadians that haven’t had a joke sneak into their igloos. New York banned the sale of soda over 16 ounces in some shitholes, what’s up with that New York Silly Nannies? Some pregnant chick was trying to talk her husband into going to EllisMania 8 before she poops a child out of her bearded clam, but the husband was saying it wouldn’t be a good idea. At least that kid has one parent with some sense. Another new call screener today, Cunt Mist, seemed to do a pretty good job on screening calls but a piss poor job on coming into the studio when beckoned. He works at a pretty famous night spot there in Hollyweird or some shit like that. He speaks well, got a good review from a caller or two, and he came up with a game for them to play. I mean holyshit, is this guy trying to get a fucking job as a call screener for the show or is he just @DanOD5‘s less pretty brother?
Old people smell? Who knew!
Ellis wants to go to Thailand and eat rice, which I think is totally doable because I’m pretty sure that rice, tobacco, crazy jungle viruses, and lady-boys are all they have there, right? @JoannaAngel was on the show today, Tully asked if she was getting “sultrier” and I think that made her moist – she’s always had a soft spot for Tully. She also participated in halftime pushups, she’s such a good sport – she’s usually up for anything really, and when I say anything, I mean a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g, hubba-hubba! There was talk about a hand-job reunion for Rawdog, remember – he got jacked off by 3 shoe talking porn chicks in a bathroom at a premiere party for one of Joanna’s movies. Old people smell is real, that’s not really fucking news though because I could’ve told you that fact back when I was 4 or 5. There’s just no way to confuse the smell of mothballs, musty underwear, and ointment. They played a game where they had to guess if the statement was an MMA move, a gay porn move, or both and the winner gets a lap dance. Rawdog ended up winning and got a lap dance from Joanna while she wore the Hulk Smash Hands and danced to Primus – Jerry Was a Racecar Driver. That might sound a little awkward, but let me assure you that it is far more awkward trying to have sex with your mother only to find all her holes are already filled with cum and raw oysters. OH!