Dear Diary,
It is day 4 of TJES in NYC and on an unrelated note, I really like using acronyms. Rawdog’s car has been recovered, it was on the Coachella lot – he fucking misplaced his own car! He looked for it like 4 or 5 different times, even with a cop on a golf cart and he just never found it? And there’s pot in car, the car that the police found – but he has a medical marijuana card so Mr. X should be good to go. Sweet fucking Lord of the Flies. I have to believe that this story of Rawdog misplacing his car is now a joke email being forwarded to precincts all across the country. Diary, Rawdog is soooo cute. I wonder if he likes me. Because I like him.

Frank DeCaro stopped by the show today, he has such a huge crush on Ellis. I can only imagine what is written in Frank’s diary, you just know it’s gotta contain explicit material. @notchhillbilly pointed out that DeCaro and Pendarvis both have very similar laughs, only one is slightly gayer – which I thought was a very keen observation. There was an entire assload (get it?) of conversation about Ellis’ dick, gays, lesbians, and red public hair. Diary, I’m so confused. When will I get red pubes?

@Daniela555 was in the studio today to do makeup and hair for Ellis and Rawdog, they’re getting all dolled up like death metal dudes for the Death! Death! Die! show tomorrow night. I’m assuming Rawdog is staring directly at her tits the entire time she’s doing his makeup. Some chick called in because she got rushed during a book signing where Ellis misspelled her name, got it squared away and then got rushed along before she could get a picture. Bummer deal for her ass. Some dude called in to bitch about insurance and how it doesn’t cover Cialis and some shots for syphilis? Bummer deal for his ass. Another dude called into to say he’s also been stuck in the prize chamber, which is weird because apparently there’s like 10 of us stuck in there and only room for 3. Bummer deal for our asses. Diary, when will I get some food, see daylight, and get these two dudes off my lap? It makes me feel uncomfortable. I think someone touched me in my secret place. But I’m not sure.

I got my copy of Ellis’ book today, sadly, it wasn’t signed nor did it have the golden ticket. But it’s all good, because some of you chumps ain’t even got a book yet! Diary, two things. Number one, fuck Jay Thomas. Number two, I have some really important information and I’m not sure if I should tell anyone. I think they might already know, but I’m afraid that if I tell them and they don’t know, it will make them cry. But since I’m a real friend, I feel like I should tell them, so here it goes. Hey all you out there, I went to your house, rang your doorbell and asked your mom if you could come out and play. She let me in your house and started rubbing me. I don’t think you were home because she started moaning and nobody ever showed up. Anyway, ever since then we’ve been hooking up once a week and now when me or any other people come over, they bring her ice cream (see below) before she starts going to town, munching on our cocks. And that is how she came to be a fat whore. OH!