Holy shit it’s Friday already! I’ve been on vacation all week and forgot what day it was. Don’t you hate it when people say that? Ellis kicked off the show talking about kids and cell phones and how his daughter wants her own phone because her Hollywood spoiled shit fuck friends have one. J said no because he doesn’t think a third grader should have a phone and rightly so, they’re dumb enough already without one. Tully is going to his high school reunion, ummm, tomorrow? I wasn’t paying much attention but it’s gonna be a total sausage fest. That’s kinda what happens when you go to an all boys school. They chatted a bit about kids and TV and how it doesn’t suck watching TV with them so much when they get older. EM11 confirmations were announced, one famous dude might fight another famous dude, and some more names were suggested. So far the best contender is EllisMania 11, Ride The Fightning. The other contender was a suggestion from Thomas Hayden Church, Enter Handjob. Just let that one marinade in your brain for a minute.
In India the latest craze in the booming ice cream market is a company that is now selling Hitler ice cream. I hear it’s kinda hot and tastes like ashes. Too soon? Tully made a list of celebrities that might be on their downfall and the guys figured out what that actor or actress should do to get back into the spotlight. For example Nicholos Cage will have to appear bald. Super bald. Mr. Clean with no eyebrows bald. Rob Schneider would have to kill Adam Sandler and wear his face in a remake of Billy Madison. Cuba Gooding Jr would have to do an entire movie in white face. Meg Ryan can come back as Eminem’s mom all drunk and pilled out. But no matter what all the icons we remembered from the 80s and 90s will never make the comebacks we really want, just the typical made for TV movies teaching young people about the importance of STD screenings.
We returned from the break to listen to lady callers try to do phone sex with Ellis and Tully, key word is try. In my opinion Dana (The Marlboro princess of the trailer park) is the winner without even trying. The best thing to come out of this bit was when Will joined the imaginary gang band as he got a young lady all hot and bothered just to get awkward and take a conference call. The last girl wasn’t bad, especially the part when she called Ellis a bitch, that made me laugh. What better way to end a segment full of fake whores and full on hard man boners than watching a trailer for The Rocks new movie, San Andreas. Its about California falling into the ocean and everyone dying except the people that The Rock Cares about, except one person so he can have an emotion scene where one tear rolls down his face and across his chiseled chest. Award winning shit right there. Then they watched another trailer full of extreme sports villains and one dude who isn’t Keanu Reeves who has to stop them with his exceptional parkour skills. Aaaaand another Peter Pan movie with another gay Captain Hook.
Apparently Miley Cyrus not shaving her pits and posting a photo on Instagram is news for E Entertainment. First its the vag, then the pits, next thing we know guys all of our girls will
have legs full of hair and a forest between the cheeks. It’s time this nonsense stops, go buy a razor and make yourselves cute and sexy like you used to be. Ellis got sent some axes. All Canadians got an erection at the same exact time, even the lady Canadians. I guess it’s a really nice axe as far as axes go, its got a blade, a sharp blade, a wood handle, a woody wood handle. So exciting but then again, I’m American so I really don’t get it. Art Garfunkle is an asshole, in case you didn’t already know. Lohan is finally off probation for the first time in seven years, party on Wayne. Neverland Ranch is for sale, please only inquiries from serious pedophiles. Tully left, so now it’s just J and the callers. My son shit himself and I need another beer. I’m going to end this recap with a little word of advise, okay not really, I don’t have any advise. Just grab another beer and keep on trucking. But not at the same time. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal. Have a great weekend and we will all see you on the flip side, that what I call yer mums back, OH!