Whoops! I keep forgetting that nobody recaps on Wednesdays anymore, and I took absolutely zero notes, so here’s what I can remember and what I could re-listen to in a pinch:

• Ellis just doesn’t have time to dedicate to his baby shoulders so he’s going to have to be happy with gaining a centimeter of shoulder girth.
• Fatties are wearing waist trainer corsets to push the lard from their bellies to their ass and titties. It’s like a double muffin top, look at your mom.
• Slash came in, he’s getting ready to go on tour and he can’t wait because he loves hotel rooms.
• Lord Pendarvis introduced Andrew as “the producer for now” to Slash, which might seem to back up Andrew’s claims that Will is mean to him.
• Slash says Ellis is eccentric. Slash also loves animals, but is a cat person. He can’t live too far from a city. His guitar has had better seats on an airplane than you. And he makes his bed, shops at the grocery store, gets stuff for his new place, and hurt his thumby when he was young.
• Slash has a horror movie coming out, “The Hell Within” I believe it was called. He’s not in it, though he did have a cameo in a Dirty Harry movie once!

• TJ Lavin is a force for good, but he ain’t gonna go all evangelical on your ass – thank Go… Almost got me there, TJ – almost! Nice try buddy.
• Pot News happened, kinda. There was really only 1 story and them some phone calls about it and alcohol. Point was, get off my lawn you little bastard!
• Your mom is a junkie. Not because she smokes weed and not because she’s a coke whore. It’s because she’s a cock whore and can’t enough of that spunk to keep her wad freezer packed with her “whore juice.”
• Babies can feel pain. It’s true. Big babies. Small babies. Deformed babies. Retarded babies. They all feel pain just like uhhh… human fucking beans. Not to be confused with human fucking HateBeans.
• Uber is getting more and more fucky. But taxis have always been fucky, so take your pick. Either way, you could end up in a movie with Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx. Just kidding. You’re a nobody, you won’t end up in anything but a really bad porn, a hospital, a jail cell, a box in the ground, in a vase as ashes, or at your destination. It’s most likely one of those. Fact. Also, you don’t want to be a taxi driver. Trust me. If you do, carry a gun and be prepared to have the cops on speed dial. Because you’re gonna need both at some point.
• There was talk about some music that gets played across the Sirius XM platform. That always goes well (sarcasm.) But fear not! Because there was also talk about jerking off too! And that always goes really fucking well (not sarcasm.)
• Some dude fucked a vacuum at work, some dude stuck his wiener in a fan, and Cumtard came on turds in a port-a-potty once. Just kidding. He did it like a thousand times, and that’s a conservative estimate. He LOVES cumming on turds. Will gets rock hard every time Kevin tells that story and immediately goes to the bathroom to take a shit and whack off.
• The most inappropriate jerk-off times / places are:
  • In a room, next to your friends.
  • During a family member’s funeral.
  • During your child’s birth.
  • During your child’s first school play / program.
• Know of any outstandingly terrible porn dialogue during the fucking scenes? Not before or after the fucking, but during the fucking. Think about the shit you hear while your mom is getting railed. Send that shit to SubmitToEllis@gmail.com along with the time in the movie in which this audio happens. Ain’t nobody got time to watch an entire piece of shit. Just the really terrible parts.
• That’s all I got. Which isn’t bad really.