Fuck yeah! Body didn’t float back up!
What’s up douches and douchettes? Is that even a thing? If a dude can be a douche, does that make a chick a douchette? I don’t know, anyway, that’s not the point. The point is it’s Thursday and I’m me and this is a recap. Madonna just sounds sexy and sultry when speaks normally. I still can’t get the image of her super hairy 80’s bush out of my mind though, so that puts a damper on things. Madonna used to be fun, Tully wonders why she had to go and get a funectomy. Ellis lost interest right around the Vogue era, he didn’t get it, and frankly, none of us did. Andrew has a hockey puck sized, road rash looking, welt thing on his chest from yesterday’s wax, salt, slap session – he flashed his nipple on OJE. Ellis has a rubber mat burn on his foot, it’s swollen and leaking shit now, he’s probably gonna get staph. I once knew a guy that got a staph infection in his foot, he had to have his foot amputated and then he died. ~ Dr. Fan. Ellis wants to give Andrew a tattoo make-over to get rid of that fratoo he has on his arm. Andrew has a bunch of pictures from over the years of himself in different styles of clothes. It sounds like he kept re-inventing himself over the years until he found one that really spoke to his soul. Ellis did something with MMA Roasted last night, he called out CM Punk as a joke. Later that night, he rents a limo to go to some bands with his bogan house guests, which is an hour away. The limo sucked a bag of frozen dicks though, the lights didn’t work, the stereo didn’t work, the chauffeur was being a cuntdick, but the show was awesome and so was the Cobra Cole family. Will Pendarvis is out today, he’s made his annual pilgrimage to Casa Del Tony Hawk with all of Tony’s other corporate sponsors and shit to kiss Tony’s ring and plan out his entire year for him. Tittys, pussy, movies, and space y’all. They all tie in together, trust me.
That’s you.
Something about North Korea and driving or something. I’m not sure, I missed the first few minutes of the show coming back from the break. But that’s not important. What is important is the, what is the most girly thing about you? For Ellis, he shaves his legs and looks like a chick when he does, and he paints his toenails. For Andrew, it’s not only his music choices, but even more so, it’s how he feels after doing hot yoga. For Cumtard, he also paints his toenails, but he also cries at every movie – he almost cried at Guardians of the Galaxy. Andrew chimes in that he too cries at movies a lot, he fought back tears while watching The Notebook. Tully too gets pretty leaky at movies and songs, he also likes to cross his legs like a woman, he finds it very comfortable. Andrew also gets choked up at those save these poor animals commercials. Ellis cried during Good Will Hunting. Let’s also not forget Andrew has women’s perfume at his desk and it’s not there as a joke. Tully farted piss into his jeans recently. So what’s the most effeminate thing you do? Dab your penis with toilet paper after you pee? Bleed from your own genitals? Lather up in lotion after you shower? Suck a man’s dick until he ejaculates in your mouth?
Cumtard and Casey (sp?) are wearing cones of shame in preparation for a game, “What’s On My Face?” After the 1st round, it was decided both competitors should have the same thing put on their face and the first one to guess wins the round, whoever has the most points at the end wins $10 US! So here’s what was on each competitor’s face:
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What’s On My Face?
Cumtard: Honey
(Doesn’t count because Casey didn’t get honey on her head) - Casey: Pickled hoof skin
- Casey: Goldfish
- Cumtard: Onions
- Cumtard: Asparagus
- Casey: SpaghettiOs
- Casey: A raw egg
- Cumtard: Cottage cheese
- Cumtard: Wet cat food
- Casey: Blue cheese salad dressing
(Everyone lost it while Cumtard was drowning and guessed “Newman’s Own”) - Casey: Raw clams
- Cumtard: Clamato juice
- Cumtard: Turkey and yams baby food
There was a question of what the most evil super power to have would be. I was driving during the entire segment, which sucks because I can’t tell you any of the suggestions. And by the time I got home, I couldn’t participate because the segment was over. Awesome. Good stuff. Movie review tomorrow of The Last Samurai, so watch that if you want. I’m always amazed at how many movies Tully hasn’t seen because he used to write movie reviews and shit and has lots of opinions on movies, but apparently has only seen like 3 in his entire life. Tornado sirens are going off while I’m writing this recap for you god damned sons a bitches, so I hope all 2 of you appreciate this shit. And that’s about it for the show and for the recap so now you are free to go party it up like you’re part of DMX’s whole crew. I’ll leave you with final question: What if your dick played music all the time, but it only ever played songs by The Black Eyed Peas, would you cut your dick off?
I’d tell you who your daddy is, but… you can’t handle the truth. P.S. It’s Dadtard.