Welcome to the final recap ever, or for the next week or so. They guys will be going on vacation and so I’m taking this opportunity to say goodbye. Sometimes it’s hard to let the things you love go, that’s why I keep them chained up in the basement. Nothing says love like Munchausen Syndrome. Ellis and his race team rented a track so they can practice next week and become even faster with far less yard sales, after that he is going to Palm Springs to relax and not look at his phone, at all, not even if there’s boobies on it. Tully is just going to spend his time playing with brodude and making fond memories of puzzles,
trucks, and jumpa da bed. He also agrees that people spend too much time on their phones especially around their kids, it’s like smoking but with phones and no lung cancer. Speaking of lung cancer, this Mother’s Day weekend Faction will be all Ellis all the time! No music, no updates, no just the sooth sultry sounds of Ellismate making all yer mums wet in the down under. And while on the subject of wet vagine, Stitches is a Miami rapper who is infatuated with Miley Cyrus’s ass. Like really infatuated, unhealthy infatuated, it’s really not that great of an ass to begin with. I’m pretty sure he’s blind and someone lied to him about how awesome her ass is just to play a joke and be a dick to him. And here’s a picture of the mini moto track that Ellis has been floating ideas about and every listener under the sun has had some suggestion about.
Scientist think people that see ghosts are inhaling molds and tripping balls. Makes sense, you’re in an old busted ass house, probably hasn’t been vacuumed in forever, with some stoned out hippie that probably hasn’t stopped tripping balls since 1987. They guys watched The Last Samurai and gave their review. I too watched it but it has been a while, but here is how i remember it going. Tom Cruise was an ex special agent for the government now a drunken bartender who is friends with a guy named Billy Crystal. Billy gets Tom a job training Japanese people how to fight like they do in the west, with F-16s. During tactical maneuvers Tom and Billy get hit, while ejecting Billy hits his head and dies. Tom then decides that the Samurai were the cool dudes and instead helps them. They teach him the way of the Samurai and soon he is the best Samurai race car driver in the land. With his new skills he and his retarded brother then cleaned out all the emperors black jack tables, established a high end escort service, and demanded the truth. Once the battle was over he presented the emperor with Kawasaki’s sword and learns a valuable lesson about accepting the modernization’s while not forgetting the rich historical past of Japan. In the end he and his buddy Pony Boy reminded each other to stay gold as they disappear into the sunset.
According to seven out of ten dentists, boogers are good for yor teeth but bad for your ability to get laid. Mucus could be the future of dental hygiene as doctors now know that something in your loogies helps keep your teeth healthy. But instead of making everyone hack lung cookies into each others mouths the scientists did everyone a solid and are developing synthetic mucus tooth paste, yum. Gwyneth Paltrow is opening a new club that none of us will ever probably go to, but to do so she is destroying the Hustler Club which we all have been or want to go to. Cunt. Sebastian Bach came on the show today. He came in faster than speedy Gonzales with a nose full of blow during a three day meth bender! This dude has so much energy it makes me tired just listening to him, but thats some of the beauty that is Sebastian Bach. He is going on tour again and if you want to see when and where he will be go to SebastianBach.com. They talked about sex, drugs, rock n roll, Gene Simmons, more drugs, cocaine, more cocaine, cocaine in the membrane, cocaine in the bunghole, and then they played Guilty Cocaine, I mean Guilty Pleasures.
Droopey dropped in for Droopey’s News, and with all the entusiasm of a stroke patient he told us about a guy who shot himself at a buffet because they revoked his lifetime free buffet card. A guy with a criminal past who eas needing heart transplant, then got it, and then died in police chase. A mom who was trying to protect her son from bullies and accidentally shot her bullied son. The Katar marathon of slaves in sandals, sounds like a Mel Brooks movie. And finally the final Final Calls for the next week and a half, thank god. Apparently Canadian bull riding is done a bit different up north, they pretty much just fuck the bulls, Russell Crowe can’t be Australian and used to get terrible prank calls from Michael Jackson, Jason and Tully get their humor from the pain of being alive, I get my humor from the constant struggle to hide my physical and emotional scars that are a result of the many many years of fucking yer mums yeast factory, OH!