Hey bros and bitches, it’s Tuesday and that means that this bitch right here is gonna do some TJES recapping for you- whether you like it or not. But, you know that you like it. You fucking love it. You spend all of your Tuesday not listening to the show on purpose cause all you wanna know is the show as Jenny will tell it to you. Boom. But, getting back to reality as it exists outside of my head..Ellis is detoxifying and he’s pretty sure that he’s him. I know, right? Groundbreaking shit. Incredible. Haha..it’s all good though that that’s the first sentiment of the day because of Ellis is pretty sure that he’s him, then that means basically all is right in the world and the show that must go on, will go on!
In some big, never before happened so soon News, Ellis has received the call that Ellismania 10 has been sold out! Quite the accomplishment as it’s still two weeks out and generally Ellis is already in Vegas when he gets the word that the event has sold out. Sweet! Bigger and better than ever before is what all of you who are going are in store for and Ellis is working hard making sure that he is ready for his upcoming ten fights. He is training, making sure he can be up to the task of 10 one minute rounds, and he has no idea who he’s going to be fighting- but he has faith/fear in the fact that he knows Tully will be setting up a good show. Tully did email Ellis a list of the people that he would be fighting, just in case Ellis wanted to sneak a peek, but Ellis did not give in to temptation and instead, showed the list to Katie who grinned and told him that it was going to be good. And really, it better be good, because all of this training has given Ellis chest acne and..just ew. Ew.
Jude, who is in the studio, confirms that he is going to be going to Ellismania and that he is down to do anything for the guys (other than fight) and would also like to figure out a good time to do a book signing in Vegas for all of the gathered Ellisfam. Jude tells Tully and Ellis that he recently did a book signing in Georgia and he ran into a lot of Ellisfam there and Tully was super down to pick up and go hang out in Georgia. Ellis seemed a little surprised about Ellisfam in Georgia, but I think he seemed pretty into going there too, so you never know, Georgia fans, someday in the future The Jason Ellis Show just may be coming to you!!! Tully also informed Jude that they will be doing a show on Sunday since mostly everyone who goes to Ellismania will still be around, airing the show on Monday, and it would be cool if Jude could be around for that. Jude was planning on leaving Vegas Saturday night since he was going to be couch surfing as it is, but he would love to do it if his plans changed. They talk a bit about Ellis’ fight prep and Katie’s cover up spread eagle tattoo to go over her friend’s named tattooed over her vagina, and get into a conversation about Black people being scared of zombies and magic…so they offered the advice to us listeners that if you ever find yourself in a bad situation with a giant black dude,’pull a quarter out from behind his ear and watch him run for his life!!
Ellis got a package of UFC 183 gear, but it wasn’t the box of Nick Diaz stuff that he wanted, which was only discovered after Will took his time rifling through Ellis’ box. Will has no greater pleasure than getting deep into Ellis’ box. And that’d be sexy if it weren’t Will that we were talking about. Ellis loved the Anderson Silva fight over the weekend (I thought he had missed it, but whatever) and he said that Nick Diaz was a great fighter and entertainer. I thought Nick Diaz was a gigantic dick, but that’s also what was so entertaining. He also can take a beating and it seems to barely affect him, so I can see why Ellis wants a whole bunch of Nick Diaz shirts to train in. Tully lets us know that his little dude is sick and Ellis kind of takes a minute to glory in the fact that everyone around him is sick or has been sick very recently and he isn’t sick- so take that all you fucks who whine about him being sick all the time! He has beaten the sickness this time around!! In fact, he’s feeling great- he’s healthy, he’s happy, he meditates twice a day, therapy is great and today he, Tully, and the Green Room Gang will be getting there DNA genealogy results from 23 and Me. Jude, who also did this whole 23 and me thing already got his results and he announced that he is 100 percent Fake Italian!!! Lmao. His DNA has revealed him to be mostly Celtic with a touch of West German and Swede. He doesn’t ever plan on telling his father this as he thinks it would kill his father who prides himself on being 100% Italian. And then, alas, it is time for Jude to be off and go do his show, which he was positively bursting with excitement for.
Back from the break, Tully announces what a lot of other major news outlets have also announced- Bruce Jenner is slated to do an interview with Diane Sawyer which will start filming Saturday and purportedly will deal with his deciding to become a woman. And all I can think about is maybe that’s why Kanye always has grumpy cat face. I mean..that really can’t be good for your street cred when you’re a rapper.
Then the Green Room Gang joined Ellis and Tully to discuss the Episode of Two Broke Girls that they mostly watched last night. I say mostly, because Ellis only made it about halfway through the episode and Will made it only about a minute past the opening credits. And the overwhelming opinion from our hosts on the show? A resounding, “what the hell is this shit, are these people for real?” I’ve watched 2 Broke Girls before with my mother in law (because she fricking loves that show) and yeah, it’s definitely one of the things that makes me happy that i don’t watch television. But the real point of that sentence is..my 67 year old mother in law loves that show. She is hardcore a fan of sitcoms and easy laughs and not caring if it’s really a good show. It’s shallow and mindless. Boom. Target audience. Ellis wonders if maybe people are watching this because they don’t really have a choice..and they sort of do, but they sort of don’t. Most of what’s on network television is absolute nonsense…but there is always the choice to turn the idiot box off and go read a book or the news or do something like exercise or just about anything else..but it’s whatever. I know that I’m in the minority when it comes to my tv habits. Ellis is right- network television is the fast food of the tv world- fast, cheap, terrible, and ultimately bad for you.
Now..onto the DNA results!!! Brought to the members of The Jason Ellis Show by Dr. Ronda from 23 and Me!
Will: is 99% European which broke down to 51% British/Irish, 15% German/French, and 1% Sub Saharan African. Will, is black!! His maternal and paternal lines both come from Europe and he is a distant relative to Warren Buffet. He is showing early signs of hypertension, but that’s no surprise. What is a surprise is that he is only 2.7% Neanderthal.
Kevin is 100% European breaking down to 73% British/Irish and 17% Scandanavian. His maternal and paternal lines are both on Europe and he has a distant relative in Leo Tolstoy. He did however have some scary health news with there being genetic markers for Early Onset Alzheimer’s which Dr. Ronda strongly suggested he follow up with a specialist asap. Kevin came back as a pesky 2.4% Neanderthal.
Andrew up next came back 99.5% European breaking down to 39% British/Irish 22% German/French and .1% middle eastern (bring on the terrorist jokes). His maternal line traces back through South Central Asia and his paternal line is from Europe, and he also showed strong Jewish Ancestry. All things which he found extremely surprising. Andrew was also told he is genetically predisposed to diabetes, which seemed to scare him more than Kevin’s Alzheimer’s. He is the least Neanderthal of the group with only 1.4% Neanderthal in his blood. Andrew the Giant is the most human.
Tully’s DNA came back 99.8% European breaking down to 43% British/Irish 28% Scandanavian and .1% Oceanic (Australian/New Zealand) because obvi he’a predisposed to being bffs with Ellis. Tully’s maternal and paternal lines trace back through Europe and he has high cholesterol. What came in as the big shocker was that he is 2.8% Neanderthal, coming in only slightly behind Big Daddy Jayce Cakes.
Ellis’ DNA comes back 98.9% European breaking down to 68% British/Irish 6% German/French and 1% East Asian/Native American. His maternal and paternal lines trace back through Europe and he was given a clean bill of genetic health. Ellis was the big Neanderthal winner of the day with 2.8% Neanderthal and being in the 73rd percentile of all human beings!
Oh, and by the way…that whole Kevin having Early Onset Alzheimer’s was a joke. Thank goodness. I was so bummed when Dr. Rhonda let that one out of the bag because there is not a person on earth who wants to go out that way. I’m glad that Ellis couldn’t drag the joke out and let Kevin know they were fucking with him cause that shit was just way too dark and heavy.
At this point is where Sirius XM decided it no longer wanted to work for me (so it’s the app, not my shitty phone cause Hubbs got me a new phone when I was sick) and i didn’t get the show back until the very end when they were giving out Wolfknife names. So I leave you all with a ‘welcome to the pack’ Pump Pump Squirt, Wiggle Me Strange, Dr. Dick Little, Majestic Warlord, Hobbit Prostitute, Keith Sardine, Paul NoCock, Beaner Venus, The Bean Lantern, Menstrual Gravy, Chuck DP, the Nude Father, PolterDice, Stockbroker Cockchoker, Respectable Tits, Pube Counter, Pube Bro, Massive Salad, Cropsucker, Bubbles, Cockwork Yellow, Night Cheese, The French Hammer, and Steven Seagull!!!