Happy #ThrowBackThursday! Today I’m throwin it way back to a few hours ago when Ellis opened the show by looking into the hole after a strenuous tit workout that left his man boobs sore and hard as steel. But that;a what men do, workout their tits! The discussion somehow turned to Rocky and actors playing boxers playing athletes and not really being anything of the sort. Pretty much just a bunch of pussies with boxing gloves on. Tully’s bitch ass neighbor has a bunch of rocks in her yard and gets her panties in a twist every time a single piece gets moved out of place, mainly because shes a mean old witch and Tully is trying to reinforce this with his own loin seed. someday this child will know that retaliation is a lot of work but in the end it is always worth it. If this is the only thing that Tully teaches his kid this will be it as he tramples through the mediocrity on his way to success. Or getting his ass kicked, whichever comes first. Jude came in talked about his new show on HBO and his super fame slappin dicks with Whalburg. Ellis was totally cool with it and not at all jealous and gave Jude some fame advice like when you are with gold diggers you should pay for dinner but when they want a watch you tell them you want a Ferrari and kick that bitch to the curb. Tully told him that he should get a vasectomy so he wont accidentally get a gutter slut pregnant and have to pay her meal ticket for the next eighteen years. Oh and there was advise on hustling, not bitches, work. If you don’t enjoy it then back off a bit because nothing is worse than not enjoying what you are doing, like most people in America and parts of Canada.
Hotdog was in the studio today not being an intern and after describing his uncircumcised penis in detail he treated us all to his very own karaoke version of AC/DC’s She’s Got The Jack. At one moment I closed my eyes and I could have sworn that Brian Johnson was right there in studio singing it live. His energy and presence was indisputable and his singing ability can only be compared to the best of all classic rock icons. After the comedown Tully told us about a company that is developing a way to give you slimy lizard dick like God intended. So all of you guys that feel incomplete because your mushroom head is constantly exposed there is a solution. A Wisconsin man won’t be charged for playing bumper cars because he is really old and probably going to die and not go to jail anyway but good news, they probably won’t give him his license back so good job Wisconsin MVD. Speaking of busted ass rides, Ellis’s busted ass race car will be at Ellismania so you can take busted ass pictures with your busted ass girl. Okay that last part was mean, your pictures of your busted ass girl won’t be busted ass.
Tomorrow night Ellismania Hall of Fame abductees will be announced or some shit. I wasn’t real clear on the detail but that’s what you get here at No You Are, only the facts, and the fact is I can’t remember shit. The abductees that they mentioned were Crazy Jerr, Joel Mills, Lauren and Shantanee for the Humongous Bitch Fight, Benji Madden vs Rickey Rackman, Sticky Taint vs Scott Green, EM6 Blindfolded Dog Collar Fight featuring Kit Cope, Butterballs, Mike Jasper and his EM9 knockout. Afterwards they did some Wolfknife names and I didn’t write them all down but you know who you are and we salute you owwoooooo. I just dropped a hammer on my foot. Ba dum tsssssssss.
The Pile family had a van that had a broken door but secretly contained 13 pounds of pot hidden by the previous owner and like terrible hippies they turned it in to the police and now are facing life in prison for being stupid. Not really, they are stupid but aren’t going to prison, besides that weed was probably dry as hell and full of seeds and stems. Old hippy weed sucks. Andrew ate shit, I don’t know when, I don’t know where, but I know for a fact that Andrew has had a big steamy turd slither it’s way down his grocery hole. We all have, mainly it’s cafeteria food but sometimes it’s from ninjas that are bored and sneak into your house at night and squat over your face at night and cut a cable into your pic hole, hence the terrible morning breath. Wills news came next, it’s news from the plump bee stung lips of Will. I was busy doing shit so just check bitPimp’s Twitter, that’s where all the real news is. And finally Final Calls. I missed those too because I was packing and trying to pick out which shorts hold the most beer and which flask better accentuates the natural curve of my ass and that is far more important than any call from some moron that doesn’t even know he’s on the radio. If you’re already in Vegas then fuck you and tell yer mum to wait for me, I bought a ticket three months ago so hopefully this year I won’t be the caboose in her train, OH!