That face she makes when you just stick the tip in her butt.
What’s up? Who gives a shit. Here are some words. This recap isn’t over just yet, matter of fact, it just started. Ellis has 4 abs right now, a couple are still hiding – but they’ll come out to play. No flabdominals. Ellis gave a quick line read from the villan in the movie Last Action Hero and Dingo thinks he needs to work on it. If anyone would know, it’d be Dingo, right? It took Tully all of 5 minutes before he started shit talking his son. You gotta love it. If his kid ever hears the show, I assume his son will curse him, thereby locking him in a powerful rage before claiming his life and spreading to his wife. Ellis is tearing up his Porsche, he was told it needed brakes. He wasn’t buying any of that bullshit, until it was too late and now he needs new rotors too. Tully said he loved talking to that chick from Radar Online that was on the show Friday. That’s either the biggest crock of shit lie or Tully has officially lost his mind – thanks to his kid? Because I didn’t see a single fan that enjoyed her 2 hour segment on the show. Ellis & Katie went on a double date to see and listen to some EDM goth shit. Tully doesn’t like fat goths, they should have their goth membership canceled. It was hot in there, Ellis was sweating, having panic attacks, standing there, he can’t see shit, he’s been there for 2 hours, the main band still hadn’t come out yet, it’s 1 AM and he’s Mr. Pissy Pants so he and Katie ended up just going home. There was too much crazy dangerous hand dancing going on.
Ellis doesn’t like your Super Bowl jokes.
Tiger had his big race this weekend. They went to go get some practice laps in before race day and turns out they put him on the big track and was the only little guy on a pee-wee bike in sea of kooks who were making things a little too dangerous for Tiger. Cut to the moto races, Ellis got to talk to Reed, Big B, Christian Hosoi, etc. Some drunk jerkoff asshole face got up on Ellis while he was leaving with his kids. Time Warner cable took another shit on Ellis’ chest and didn’t record all the UFC fights, but he did get to see the main event, Silva vs Diaz. Ellis says only 1 person had a couple good jokes during the Super Bowl, and that was Nick Swardson. Everyone else should shut the fuck up. Tully teared up a little when Katy flew threw the air singing Firework. The CM Punk verse Ellis thing is still going on, I guess? I don’t know, I haven’t seen much of it myself since last week. Back to Tiger and his race on the big boy track. All the bikes were better than his but he didn’t let that get him down, he just kept his shit pinned. Ellis saw some little kid eat shit on a jump, yellow flag is out, but Ellis never told Tiger what a yellow flag means. Tiger’s still going full throttle and comes to a double and flies off it and crashes hard, flipping over the handlebars. Ellis runs out there, the bike is still laying on Tiger and he’s not moving. Ellis asks him if he’s ok, he’s crying, it hurt, but the little trooper got back on his bike and took off again to finish the race.
This has nothing to do with anything, but it’s a ZZ Top reference so deal with it.
After Ellismania 10, on Sunday, the guys will be taping a radio show to be played on Monday, so you’re welcomed to stick around for that if you can, if not, you can hear it played in place of the live on the Monday after Ellismania 10. MMA Sasquatch called into the show to talk about the rising price of fruit in Puerto Rico. Just kidding, he talked about the UFC fights that Ellis missed because Time Warner cable sucks a fanny pack full of diarrhea. Kelvin Gastelum didn’t make weight again, he was 10 lbs. over and was forced to give up 30% of his purse for being a fatty fatty two by four. However, after Tyron Woodley beat his ass, he said he planned to return that 30% back to Gastelum. Miesha Tate won her fight against Sara McMann, and I never really noticed, but Miesha might have the biggest tits in MMA – just behind Roy Nelson. Yes, I recycled one of my Tweets. And the other notable fight of course was Anderson Silva defeating Nick Diaz. Nick, in typical fashion, talked a ton of shit during the fight and continuously taunted him in an effort to bait Silva into a Diaz style fight. It didn’t work. Diaz still got $500,000 for his efforts. Today is the day when Tully will scratch his 7-year itch and cheat on his wife by getting an invisible girlfriend. Andrew came in the help Tully go through the options of this app to make yourself a fake girlfriend and all the options were fucking terrible. Anyway, after they finished Tully got a text right away from “Bunny” and it seemed like some East Indian guy on a flip phone. For Tully to respond back, he has to pony up some money for a certain number of text messages and a voicemail per month or some shit.
Reflex check for Mr. Falcon.
There was a woman’s hockey game, but that’s not the important part. The real story is that between periods, the zamboni driver was arrested on suspicion of DUI – ballin’! Torque is the official gear sponsor for Ellismania 10, so there’s that. Some 93-year-old German lady was arrested because she was a guard at Auschwitz and probably helped kill a bunch of people. Suge Knight’s bail request has been denied by the LA courts because of his criminal past, flight risk, and potential for intimidating witnesses. There are some bronze sculptures that may be by Michelangelo and would be the only surviving Michelangelo bronzes in the world. Iceland is set to build the first template to Norse gods since the Viking age. Alabama’s first openly gay lawmaker threatens to out motherfuckers having affairs if they don’t allow gay marriage. Benedict Cumberbatch apologized after calling black people as “colored.” Whoopsy. A pilot accidentally locked himself out of the cockpit mid-flight after he went to the bathroom. Something else, I can’t remember, it was news. Eddie Murphy is said to be returning to Saturday Night Live, anyone care? There’s a measles outbreak going on in California because of all the stupid shit parents who don’t get their kids vaccinated. In Little Rock, Arkansas, the school district is forcing it’s teachers and staff to wear underwear. Everyday.
Ryan Dungey called into the show to talk orange bikes. That guy is a pro’s pro, he don’t talk shit about anybody. I’m nowhere near into moto as much as some of you, but I actually did find him interesting, he speaks so well and he doesn’t seem like a moron, rather he seems like a genuinely nice guy. Ancestry results of the guys are in, remember when they spit in a cup and sent it off for analyzing? Well you won’t hear about that today, but maybe tomorrow. Ellis is looking for tattoo ideas to cover up his Aussie tats. Katie needs ideas for a cover up as well. Neither were ever really talked about again. Tully’s invisible girlfriend is already denying him, he texted her back and she’s already blowing him with a “can’t text right now, later.” Women (or East Indian men on a flip phone), am I right? And there you have it, another recap in the proverbial books. Don’t lie or die.
Sometimes work is brutal.