It’s another wonderful Who Gives A Fuck Friday recap for all you tossers! Tullys sick, Ellis’s BJJ coach is sick, and on top of that he man made out with J so he’ll probably be sick also. All of Cali is sick. It’s a plague, we’re all gonna die. But before then let’s live a little. In the first few minutes of the show Ellis whispered something about breaking up with Katie. It wasn’t much more than that so rumors are flying and so far the most popular one is that she is now Schwarzenegger’s new maid. Ellis is talking with his mum more. They talked about his dad and other stuff, I’m not sure what because I don’t know Australian. Hotdogs visited and described his racist road rage, calling everyone names and stating them down like he’s gonna eat their babies. Kevin was also in studio talking about getting in fights, Asian ladies jerking off feet, bionic dudes with USB buttholes, T Rex’s are slow according to the Internet and Fonzo, Crocodiles will never out run Ellis, Transgender Meditation, German AIDS fisting parties, there’s a cure for cancer but the pharmaceutical companies don’t want you to have it so they can keep making money, there is no cure for cancer and people just really love conspiracy theory’s, and other shit. There’s always other shit.
After the break Kevin brought us the new segment Truck Driver Confessions, where truck drivers confess their, umm, ions? Well here are a few that we heard, a dude got a chicks number then she sent him pics of her snootch and then showed him in person but wouldn’t fuck him but blew him in the shower the next morning, edgy. A Lady driver had a one night stand with a dude driver, shocking! A guy was fueling up and a bus full of cheerleaders pulled up and ran a train on him, I totally made that up. Another dude went to take a shower and accidentally went into the ladies shower and a big titty blonde blew him and let him fuck her in her Petro and then in her T/A before she QT’d all over his Pilot, again I made that one up. One time a dude drove coast to coast in three days without sleeping and cleaned his cab really good, I’m sure that’s also true. Then a guy calling himself CW called and told the story of when it was the dark of the moon on the sixth of June in a Kenworth pullin’ logs, cab-over Pete with a reefer on, and a Jimmy haulin’ hogs. They were headin’ for bear on I-one-oh ’bout a mile outta Shaky Town, he said, “Pig Pen, this here’s the Rubber Duck. And I’m about to put the hammer down.”
Back from the break Ellis wanked on about Marilyn Manson for a while and I’m sure he’s right about how awesome he is but I didn’t hear the interview. Nobody did. The guys got their hands on a Bug A-Salt gun and what better to do than exactly what you’re not supposed to do with it, shoot each other. Kevin wore a camp mini skirt and nipple tassels from boobiebling.com for the occasion. It was nice of him to be in his formal attire for the occasion. After trying to shoot off his nipples a dumb bitch called because her boyfriend is watching tranny porn and is a wuss and she’s looking for validation to accuse him of being gay so she can break up with him with a clear conscious. She called the wrong show and she’s still a dumb bitch. Wank on wussy non gay dude who’s into tranny porn. After this lesson on acceptance we heard Jason, Will, and Kevin assign Wolfknife names. James Bean, Gary Moose Dick, Cum Croissant , Valley Of Lies, Meat Land, Sick Cunt Tree, Dingle Berry, Dirk Dockler, Dick Cereal, Nine Inch Ribs, Cocaine Sandwich, Sketchers McHackey Sack, Lord Word, Cunt Cunt Fucker Cunt, Lube Fish, Shit Watts, Bret Valtrex, Shitty Titty Gang Bang, I’m Batman, Sack Jackson, Aunt Jo Momma. We salute you. Final Calls was pretty standard. It was mainly leaky ass syndrome, tranny porn, girl on girl, gay husbands, pregnant girlfriend, hot tub wine party, and the end of the world. But with all these bad things in life just remember there’s a silver lining to every story, yer mums still a whore, OH!