Hello and welcome to another exciting Wednesday recap of the Jason Ellis show. Now get your fingers out of your ass and sit the fuck down. We almost didn’t have a show today because California, apparently, isn’t equipped to deal with rain. And by rain, I mean light drizzle. Speaking of weak pussies, Tully thinks women don’t bust nuts as good as men do. That is to say the quality of the nuts they are busting aren’t comparable, and therefore you don’t hear of women jackin off to catch a nut when they are bored. As you would expect, in true Ellisfam fashion, the calls lit up with girls who say they rub a nut out before they go to work, before they go to sleep and they do NUT HARD. So those chicks are out there, and remember, if you don’t have very good orgasms, their is something wrong with your vagina and/or the things you are sticking in it.
Well, there isn’t much else to say about the show that can’t be summed up entirely with THIS. MOTHER. FUCKER. RIGHT. HERE.
The dude is Steven Paul Taylor, and even though it sounds like he is saying “Everybody knows shit, fuck” he is actually saying “Everybody knows shit’s fucked” and he amounts to a synth pop System of a Down, and he is pissed the fuck off about the government. I’m telling you, this guy is a fucking staaaaaaarr. Tully and Ellis found the full version of the song here. It’s hard to deny this enigma, and even harder for the show to get on with much else.
The UK has decided to become even more boring and put some weird bans on porn. Now in the UK you will not be allowed to Spank, cane, whip, fist or do any watersports. Way to make everything awful, England.
Unsigned bands was a pile of shit. There were some hurrr-durr guys, some emo cheesedicks, some offspring wannabe’s and some beav munching punk girl band. In the end, Steven Paul Taylor came out the clear winner, and Ellis is probably going to be dropping that shit into rotation to fuck with us. Meh, better than Creed.
Speaking of fucking pieces of shit, there is a man who has been documenting his habit of saving his shit in condoms so that he may fuck himself with them, and then have a snack later. Soooo yeah it looks like we finally found your birth father. The best part about this shit eating psychopath, is that we found out that Andrew the Giants biggest weakness is picturing a man squeezing a shit sausage out of a condom and suckling it down like a triple thick milkshake. Just the thought of a guy pulling shit dildo out of his ass and setting it on his teeth and taking a big pull really makes ATG queasy and puts him in a total panic nauseous state. It was really great to see such innocence from a member of the green room. Also, it was nice to see ATG has a weakness we can pinpoint and attack relentlessly until we all get tired of it in six months or so.
Yeah, that’s all I got. Go back to your regularly scheduled fisting, you creep.