Welcome to the Wednesday edition of Where The Fuck Is CrackerStacker? He’s still around committing petty crimes, we just switched because I have to pick up a Canadian to take him to the other land of tunnels. Ellis is wearing shorts today because he’s got legs, and he knows how to use them. He also brought in candles for ambiance. A little mood lighting for Jason Sexy Legs Ellis, definitely not because the studio smells like buttholes. Tully shared an adorable father son story that ended with Tully prairie doggin a butt snickers while wiping his sons backside after narrowly missing an encounter with a man sized baby cable on his naked lap. Ellis enjoys his ginger ale even though it’s fake ginger but if it wasn’t then people wouldn’t be able to afford jet pack crocodiles with a cat that rules Libya. Hey! Enough of this nonsense, let’s get to Wolfknife names! (Disclaimer: I didn’t write down any names so you’re shit outta luck.)
The other guy from Linkin Park joined the show today. But Joe Hahn isn’t here to talk about Linkin Stinkin Park, he’s here to talk about… stuff! I’m pretty sure it’s movies but I’m not sure. So far in the interview they just talked about The Woodsman and Big Fucking Mega Boat. Oh wait, Mall, that’s why Joe came in. To talk about the Mall. I guess it’s a movie but I don’t know which mall they’re talking about but I’m fairly certain it’s the one with the Hot Topic across from the food court. It was a great interview, Jason chimed in once in a while with his rambling thoughts, Tully asked intelligent music and movie focused questions, and Joe mumbled like he was chin deep in yer mums box. But nonetheless check out Mall at a mall near you October 17th.
Every Aussie has had the privilege of seeing the majestic kangaroo square off with another in a beautifully violent dance of fists. But most of us aren’t Australian and watching this shit is fucking awesome, that’s why I give you this. Guys, we’ve all been fucking some skanky whore and thought, “I’m wearing a rubber so I know my dong is safe but what about my man marbles? I’d hate to get bumps and lumps from skank juice.” Well don’t worry any longer! Scroguard is the first latex sex diaper that is specifically designed to keep your skin chandelier safe from sketchy bitches. Warning, Scroguard does not protect against kicks, knives, fake pregnancies, baby daddies, or most other things when you bump uglies with gutter sluts. Todays new segment is the How Many Wives Do You Have contest! This is where people call in to tell Ellis and Tully how many wives they’ve had at the same time. The runner up was one guy that had a wife in the states, a wife in Mexico, and a fiancé in the states. He got caught but he is now reformed and only has two girlfriends but he isn’t going to marry them. The real winner is a true son of a bitch. This guy has two actual families in separate states both with kids and the only reason he hasn’t dropped one is because he doesn’t want to lose his money. He has no concern or feelings of remorse for his actions. Congrats on being the biggest bastard on the show.
A slide manufacturer in Germany plated one of their slides in 24K gold and sent it to the royal family. They have now sold four golden slides to rich ass mother fuckers. Speaking of motherfuckers, Will just finished givin YER mum the bone and came in and we learned that part of his job is risk management where he balances stupidity with danger. So apparently having fondu in the studio is too stupid and dangerous for Wilsons liking. So much for being classy. But never mind all that nonsensical crap, we listened to Jason and Tully write a children’s book, Leonard The Human Sweater. Best seller shit right there! What’s even better though is a collection of stories in one book. With stories like The Pilot Who Wants To Be A Dog, Why Does Mommy Cry, Everybody Bleeds, Free Candy, Daddy And The Adventures Of His New Family, and Rickey The Retard just to name a few. These are some fantastic ideas but it’ll be hard to beat your favorite bedtime book yer mum used to read to you, OH!