TITTIES! Beer! Wings! The show was live today from world renowned proprietor of titties and pub food. And surprisingly, the one remote show where Ellis wasn’t pausing every 4 minutes to scope out asses was the one where there were hot chicks you were SUPPOSED to look at. Maybe the lack of creepiness has something to do with the CHILDREN hanging around the restaurant. Apparently this shit is a “family” restaurant now, so Ellis and Tully had to keep things PG. OOOOHOOOHOO! Find out how it went after the jump!
See how I drew you in like that? You stupid fuck, you’ll click on anything. Like I said, fuckin’ Tully and fuckin’ Ellis had to watch their cock-shitting mouths because there were cunt-head children in the fucking Applebee’s of titties. Ellis really feels at home in Hooters because him and Katie had one of their first dates there, so it’s about love to him. And Katie too, because Katie loves titties as much as Ellis does. Hosting the hosts of the affair on behalf of Hooters, is a lovely young woman named Andrea. No, not like that. The RIGHT way to say it dummy. Yeah, she’s one of those people with a special way to pronounce their special name. Apparently there a six ways to say ‘Andrea’ and this one is pronounced Awndreeah, so that’s her name from now on. She is kind of the boss lady of this particular Hooters and she came on and off of the mic and snapped her fingers to make wings appear again and again. I’m also assuming we are talking MASSIVE cans here so she’s almost a total package.
Speaking of total packages, Patches Pendarvis is smoking once again. Tully ratted him out for smoking a cigarette in the front of Hooters before the show, and Ellis demanded an explanation. But after all, it turns out that Will was still smoking E-cigs, they are just made to look like a pack of real cigarettes and even glow on the end like a child’s toy would if a kid played with fake cigarettes. Tully smelled Will to confirm, and Will is surprisingly odorless.
Hey guess what? Horse Force is breaking up, and Friday and Saturday will be the first and last performances of the band. No album, no new shit. Also, no more Death! Death! Die! or Taintstick. The band is breaking the fuck up. You’re waiting for a joke aren’t you? Your mother. There. But seriously, Ellis announced that yes, in fact, no more band. Tully joked that it was because of ‘Creative Differences’, so let’s speculate wildly hm? Meh, Ellis has also said he’d never fight again after Ellismania, but he’s going to fight again so maybe it will be one off shows here and there. Can’t rule out anything.
Back from the break and a little pop-tart named Megan joined the show as a spokeswoman for Support Out Hooters, Hooter’s own breast cancer awareness foundation. Click that link if you want to choose this foundation among the hundreds of thousands of breast cancer awareness options. What we all really want to know, is what does megan know? Turns out: Fuck all. Tully and Ellis asked her if she knew who people like Marky Ramone, Chuck Liddell and a bunch of other famous people were and she had no idea, but it was cool because she was young and cute and bubbly.
The big guest of the show and the start of my last paragraph of giving a shit: Artie Lange came by the show to hang out. If you don’t know, Artie was a comedian who was on the Howard Stern show way back in the day and he’s a bit of a train wreck. Well, he was, but he’s sober now and has got his shit together and is enjoying a renewal of his career right now. He just had his new special ‘The Stench of Failure’ air on Comedy Central. Him and Ellis talked about not being uncomfortable when fans give them overly nice compliments, and being terrible at talking with them. Also, both being former junkies they swapped drug and jail stories and threesomes and shit. And Artie does some spot on impressions of every single American immigrant.
To wrap up the show, Ellis tested out the bungee cords he bought for the bungee cord fight. If you don’t know, Saturday at Ellismania 9.5, people will be fighting with bungee cords wrapped around their legs and will have to fight to punch each other. So to try it out, why not have two chicks work their asses off to make out. Long story short, Katie and a lady fan made out and that’s always cool no matter how much you see it. A couple people got Wolfknife names in the audience worth mentioning. Wolfknife Grim Raper is an EMT, but not just any EMT, he is on the SWAT team and if the cops shoot you, he patches you up and sends you on your way to jail. And he carries a gun. He’s a badass dude, so shout out to that dude.
Well this re-cap sure petered off, didn’t it?