Good evening, bitches. We’ve got a doozy of a show to go over today. I’m sure a lot of you are here to find out all the juicy drama that happened towards the end of the show. I’ll get to that soon enough, but I’m a creature of habit, and I’m not gonna blow my load before start jacking off, I gotta go in order. So if all you want is to hear about contract negotiations, all you need to know is down there….no…lower….lower…..
Ellis opened up the show talking about a homeless lady he saw near the bus station this morning. Only this one had two kids with her, one as young as six years old, and it looked like they had slept there the night before. So Ellis gave her $20, and she gave him a story about how she needed $90 for a hotel for a night, because the shelters in LA wouldn’t take her and her kids in without California ID. I may be wrong here, but that sounds like an awful lot like bullshit if you ask me, but I looked up even a Motel 6 in Hollywood will run you about $85 a night, at least for a King size bed, so the amounts match up at least. Wilson came in and explained that he didn’t think providing the hotel room for the night would be much of a help for someone like that, because they are back on the street the next night. Ellis seemed to trust the lady, he could see that she had at least gotten where she is in part by drugs, but she seemed clean. I did a quick search on the internets and didn’t find any homeless shelters in LA that required any ID, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true, but it sounds like bullshit. If you’re wondering why I did further research on something twice in one recap, it’s because I’m sober. Yeah, I know, it’s a fucking travesty. But we all have homeless people around and as a general rule of thumb, it’s best to give them things (i.e. clothes, blankets, food, shoes etc.) but giving money is a lazy way to ease your conscience, so naturally that’s what we do. Anyone else depressed yet?
So Ellis tweeted something last night about needing a producer. Naturally, people started assuming Kevin had been fired for something or other and the show was out a producer. Jason assured everyone that wasn’t the case, and Kevin is still around. In case you were wondering, Hot Dog’s Fuck/Marry/Kill for people on the show is as follows: Fuck Jetta because he could overwhelm him, sexually. Kill Kevin because he would make cool squealing sounds, and marry Tully because he is smarter than Ellis and could take better care of him. Ellis would be a passionate love, but a fast and loose life is not what the Hot Dog needs.
Victoria Bitter is a beer from Australia. Ellis looked back fondly on memories of the super manly commercials he remembered from his childhood. Jude and Tully watched the commercial and confirmed it was filled with more dripping with as much homoeroticism as Freddy Mercury’s mustache. Jude is cool, check out Foreally Show , @Shit_Toboggan turned me onto it and I’ve been all over that lately.
Ok, let’s see: Sharks, Shark rules, World’s Greatest Wednesday: What’s the greatest job for Ellis which they never got to finish, and Tully and Ellis watched and reviewed ‘Cobra’ , a 1986 piece of shit starring Sylvester Stallone. It’s filled with every cheesy action bullshit you’d expect from the guy who made so many other cheesy pieces of shit. Sometimes a movie gets so bad that it actually starts to get good again. This one does that, and then gets bad all over again. Fun Fact by Tully: This was the original script they asked Stallone to write for Beverly Hills Cop.
Aubrey Marcus called in today, and he is back from doing drugs in the jungle again. He had a bad trip where he thought he was going to die, but then saw something that turned it positive and yay for drugs. The interesting part of this whole segment was when Aubrey was talking about how when outside forces are trying to stop you from reaching your goals, and achieving your full potential you have to take a stand and…..HOLY SHIT THIS PARALELLS ELLIS AND THE CONTRACTS AND LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.
So Ellis is really pissed about how these contract negotiations have gone. It started off with someone telling him he was getting his own channel, where he controls the music and the content. Then they said there was a misunderstanding and he couldn’t have that. Then they told him that, yes, they did tell him that but now none of that is on the table for him. So he went from getting everything he ever wanted, to basically having the exact same thing he has now, and oh yeah, someone is doing a morning show in your studio. The kicker here was that someone contacted him to let him know he can’t have anything he wanted during the break, and it killed all the momentum of the show, so the guys said fuck it, and went home. Tully seemed to maintain that the show would be back tomorrow to kind of piece things together, but honestly, I wouldn’t blame them if they didn’t show up. Ellis was pissed, and was talking about how maybe they won’t have a show anymore, and they’d have to move on to something else. Naturally, this pissed Ellisfam THE. FUCK. OFF. Not at Ellis, but at shit-ass Sirius for fucking with our show, Almost immediately, Twitter started exploding with people tweeting SiriusXM saying how they will cancel their subscriptions if Ellis is no longer on their airwaves. And really, what else would you need Sirius for? There isn’t shit else, but I digress. I had a whole ‘Fuck Sirius’ speech mapped out in my head, and it was pretty awesome, but then Ellis tweeted:
No 1 needs to hold hands on this shit. It’s getting sorted. Poorly handled to say the least but handled it will be! Pissed not quitting.