Vindication through petty vandalism, my friends. I need say no more other than that the weather is the polar opposite of what it was last week and I just essentially shot a load in someone’s corn flakes for the next several months. But that has nothing to do with anything cause it’s just about that mid day time when I crank my computer speakers at work up to 11 (which is actually more like 2 and a half cause I try not to be a nuisance to my coworkers or customers who might be sitting in the waiting room, plus the show just comes through my speakers quieter than all the music does, it’s not like I’m raging in this office) AND LISTEN TO THE FUCKING JASON FUCKING ELLIS SHOW!!!! Today got started with me stepping out for lunch with the SiriusXM online player paused, just moments before the show was supposed to start, and then the entire SiriusXM website lost it’s shit and stopped functioning completely, just as I got back to start writing this recap and enjoy some delicious Indian food! Since absolutely nothing I did would work to restore function and let me listen to the show, here’s everything I was able to pick up about today’s show by way of Twitter (Remember folks, YOU wrote today’s recap, and you should all be very proud and ashamed and concerned for yourselves):
1. Rude Jude stopped by, and was without a doubt hilarious, cause that’s what Rude Jude does.
2. Houston sucks compared to LA.
3. Police don’t know shit about shit, but they are allowed to carry guns and be assholes to pretty much anyone they want. (America! FUCK YEAH!!!)
4. LA pedestrians suck (But Oakland still holds the title for world’s slowest jaywalkers! Yay, me!)
5. Ellismania.com may be gone for good, but there’s always officialjasonellis.com which is pretty much the same thing with a different web address, you lazy fucks.
6. American schools are swirling the bowl, but Australians are swirling it in the opposite direction, because of the equator and sweet dead foetus Jesus.
7. @EmilyinSD still really loves Machine Head.
8. There was some sort of music segment, possibly unsigned bands, that was favorable to most of the listeners.
9. My facial hair is getting just long enough that I honestly cannot avoid getting food in it.
10. Cumtard needs to lay off the cheese, even though it’s delicious and sets off the same neural receptors as love and heroin (GOOGLE IT!).
11. The power of his own anus compels him. (Still talking about Cumtard here)
12. Crazy Jerr did something that warranted a shout out, but I COULDN’T LISTEN SO I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT WAS BUT SHOUT OUT TO CRAZY JERR ALL THE SAME GOD DAMMIT!!!
13. In Thailand, just fuck it. Doesn’t matter what it is. Laws, strippers, your mum, human decency, just fuck it.
14. Don’t fuck it too hard though, or the cops will fuck you in an equal and opposite fashion.
15. The practical applications of running propane (CNG) in the Wankel Rotary engine (as seen in vehicles like the Mazda RX-7) would successfully counter the inherent problem of no valve train and upper piston lubrication that is seen in normal piston-cylinder type internal combustion engines, since the Wankel engine has no upper cylinder lubrication and injects oil at the intake valves as a part of normal function in the regular gasoline variant. But this is America, and Big Oil still runs the show, so pipe the fuck down about solutions to real world problems.
16. When fucking something in Thailand, be sure to double and maybe even triple check what you are fucking, or the object of your fuck-affection will call fifteen of their tranny friends to stomp you to death in the gutter and steal your shoes.
17. $0.50 Valium and a pharmacy on every other street corner seems to only happen in places with culture and history that hasn’t been stolen by the white man.
18. The Wolfknives probably won’t go over well in Thailand cause of that god-awful anal fissure of a movie that was “The Hangover 2”.
19. Puking before you swim is a great way around that whole “wait thirty minutes” rule that your parents always told you.
20. Some sort of torture was laid down upon Kevin Kraft and the sound scale fell somewhere between him having a stroke or an orgasm.
22. Chad Reed, mate.
23. Captain America is really Captain Puerto Rico (but it’s a US territory, so 6 of one, half dozen of ya know what I’m sayin?)
24. The fans really want to help Jason get hookers in Thailand.
25. The #SanDiegoSaviour is now 6 months meth-free in @EmilyinSD’s tummy, but is giving her weird cravings for things like water chestnut ice cream. WILSON is still an absentee father.
26. Kevin still has diarrhea, cha-cha-cha.
27. Another lady stopped by to try her hand at the new intro. The townspeople did not rejoice.
28. Tully said something smart. This probably happened several times today, but it’s always worth mentioning because he’s a witty mother fucker and has a lot to offer, not just to the show, but to the world at large.
29. Making out with a guy is the hardest thing to do. Credit where credit is due, ladies. And gay guys too, I guess.
30. Another porn star stopped by for a while. Once again, the townspeople did not rejoice.
31. The SiriusXM online player needs some serious work. Maybe if they took a cue from one of the Sirius radio clone programs that used to work before SXM reformatted the entire web based system to make it look prettier?
32. Everybody’s kind of over the new intro. It’s really turned into a much bigger stupider less productive monster than it could have been.
33. If you like fucked up porn, you gotta give anime a try. This has nothing to do with the show, just on a personal note. Cause I love you guys. I’m waiting for some to show up in the mail as we speak. #Hentai
34. There’s gonna be some MMA happening this weekend, or midweek, or sometime in the near future. Something like that.
35. Final calls happened… Yup… They certainly did.
36. ………………………………………………..Fucked your mum.
And there you have it folks, all the heavy lifting on this glorious recap, done by you, the fans, by way of twitter. You did a great job recapping the show for a guy who couldn’t listen live and has to catch it later. Kudos to you, you should pat yourself on the back and go try to masturbate away an incredible caffeine high, the way I do after every one of these that I write for you.
Red Dragons, Mother Fuckers ,,rr,