You may be high, you may be low, you may be bitch or you may be a ho. Whatever the case may be, welcome to the Wednesday re-cap of the Jason Ellis Show where you get about half way through and wonder whether or not this asshole actually listened to the show. Truth be told, I only catch bits and pieces when I’m driving your mom between the used needle depository, KFC and Sam Reuben’s house. And yes, I just called your mom a fat junkie who bangs a sloppy windbag. Moving on!
Do frogs recognize their reflection? Probably not, they are fucking frogs. They don’t understand life and shit like we do. Which Jason and the guys spun off into when that chimp ate the old dude’s balls after they gave him a cake. (Which is coincidentally blah blah blah your mom. You knew that was coming, we all did.) The conversation was basically that the chimp didn’t understand they were giving him a cake because he’s a fucking animal and he ate the dude’s balls because he could and that’s metal as fuck. Of course, whenever chimps eating people’s faces come up on the show Jason has to point out how he would destroy a chimp one on one. But hey, this is also the guy who says he can eat 40 Krispy Kremes so take it easy.
Mike Cechnicki of The Jingleberries dropped by the show this morning. Why the fuck was this dude in LA you ask? Oh, just dropping by to see Brian Cullen while he was in town. But wait, doesn’t Cechnicki live in New York? No, he actually only lives a couple of hours away, he just hates everybody on the show so he doesn’t come by ever. Just kidding, but he did come in swinging making fun of the way Ellis wears his hat and telling him his style is going out of style. He was wearing Affliction as he said these words though, so he really has no room to talk wearing those used cum rags. But thanks for coming by, you fuck.
If you haven’t heard by now, Ellis is getting his own channel! And even more news on that, it starts TONIGHT! At 9PM Pacific channel 713. As a SiriusXM subscriber you might say “Wait a god damn minute here, my radio doesn’t go to 713!” Well that’s because it will be exclusively on internet radio, for now. Sort of disappointing, but Ellis thinks that once the channel explodes on the internet, it will persuade Sirius even further to put it on the regular stations. Which makes sense, because the OnDemand feature getting so much support probably led to 713 getting put on.
In Doggie news, some media corporation is putting a channel on their rotation exclusively FOR dogs. Yes, TV for dogs to sit and stare at it. But they totally fucked it up, because some of the programming is just videos of people playing fetch with dogs. Tully hit it right on the head where they entire show could’ve been his face on a loop saying “who’s a good boy? YOU’RE A GOOD BOY!” over and over. Also, a paraplegic took in a stray dog and the dog ate his nuts off, and he didn’t feel a thing. (Much like blah blah blah when your mom blows me mehhhh)
Ellis wanted to try out being a sports announcer, so they cued up some videos of Boxing, MMA and Little League baseball. It was pretty funny hearing him and expert sports analyst Rawdog try calling a fight while bantering and bickering with each other along the way. It was funny, but in no way professional and Ellis may not be that good at it. That could probably be because play by play commentating is actually harder than it looks. That and screaming, “HEY I KNOW THAT GUY!!” is not a good style. But he could be the hype man next to the corner man dropping “YEAH!” and “OK!” a la L’il Jon.
Some bitches out there be kind of smelly. Thus began the search for a really hot chick who smells like poo. A guy called in to say there was a really hot chick at his gym who is fit and super pretty but she sort of smells like poo. Which morphed into a conversation about what it would take for you to not sleep with a totally hot chick. Like if a girl was perfect in every single way, but she had a horn(I’d hit it). Or if she was blue(I’d hit it). Or if she was a little chubby(Deal breaker. I’m very shallow). What if a chick was perfect in every facet of life, but she was a serial killer. And every now and then she had to go out late at night satiate her blood lust by strangling a homeless person with the belt her dad used to beat her with. (I’d marry her)
A guy called in not sure whether or not to sleep with a girl he really likes who has herpes. But fuck it man, Herpes doesn’t do anything so just fucking fuck her and get herpes you fucking pussy.
This crazy bitch stole some motherfucking rhubard. Something about her picking rhubarb out of her neighbors garden that was growing out of her fence. This invited a cop from a small town in Kentucky to call in and say that he had a similar incident in his little town. While they had him on the line, Tully asked him if he ever intentionally fucked with out of towners driving through, and he said oh fuck yeah. His defense was fucking priceless though: “I’m bored!” Red Dragons to that motherfucker!
Tom Green is fucking Kat Von D, see you next Wednesday, knuckle draggers. 713 motherfuckers! Fuck Free World! 713!