Welcome to the Wednesday recap where you aren’t entirely sure if the guy writing it listened to the show at all. Well let me answer that question for you: I did. But memory is a funny thing, and I wrote some notes but by the time I get to doing this once that whiny little shit machine goes to sleep, I’m not entirely sure what “Shit about poop” means entirely. So suck my balls, reader. Speaking of balls, let’s keep this thing moving because balls never stop moving just like sharks which makes your balls like sharks which means you have shark balls which is weird because sharks don’t have balls and balls shark balls balls shark. Ellis is moving just like shark like balls in the gym and says he knows he is going to bitch slap Gay Brewdigger at Ellismania whatever number it is now on Oct. 12th in Las Vegas. I tend to agree because it was such a one sided affair the first time, it would make sense that the Gay Brew Digger will probably go out again. You know who didn’t get knocked out? Michael Bisping at Ellis’ gym that they talked about yesterday or Monday or something like that. Big ole’ rumor on that one.
Ellis is all about the Dri-Fit Nike stuff now because it keeps the gym from looking like a mermaid waddled through it by getting rid of the sweat somehow. Tully commented that Dri-fit stuff was probably a NASA mistake; that someone was working on something else and ended up with Dri-fit which is alright for sweaty people at the gym who want clothes to smell like they just came out of your ass when you pull them out of the laundry. YOU HEAR ME NIKE/UNDER ARMOUR? Make me spandex underwear that has a built-in air freshener and then we’ll talk! This all sparked a heated debate on what sweat actually is. Rawdog correctly pointed out that sweat is your body’s natural way of cooling the body down when it is put through strenuous activity. But Rawdog is wrong a lot so Tully and Jason were like, “Nah.” So Rawdog pulled up Wikipedia and read it directly off of their and Tully was like “That just doesn’t sound right.” Then a couple listeners called in to more specifically explain just how right Rawdog was with scientific terms, and Tully admitted he actually really sucks at science and it was never easy for him. Fair enough. Finally, J2 called in to explain the importance of sweating from the perspective of someone who can’t sweat and it let the whole show move on. I have to admit it was kind of weird listening to the show when Josh was right about something in an argument, so I totally get why they would be suspicious of anything that little dude says. By the way check out J2RollsOn.com if you want to see a story about a badass dude who completely embodies the “Harden the fuck up” philosophy of life. Also check out this one here too.
This dude played a prank on his wife where he made a little doll that he hooked up to his TV while his wife was sleeping to loosely reenact The Ring. The sheer terror in her voice is priceless and erotic and I learned a little about myself in the process. This brought Ellis to ponder on ways he could use the ‘How Much’ app to get people to pay him money to scare the shit out of Rawdog. Like running into his room late at night with his whole head painted and scaring the shit out of him. Tully wants to go for the long con and send him menacing pictures for a few weeks before the attack to really get him on edge. I think they should send him a series of love letters from a secret admirer for weeks and have them get increasingly sexually aggressive with each one. Top all of this off with a good old fashioned kidnapping and strap him to Donald Schultz as he does his extreme falling.
Vietnam had Jimi Hendrix, Creedence Clearwater and The Rolling Stones. What will the future movies about our current war have as a backing soundtrack? Will it be Skillet? Or Five Finger Death Punch? Maybe Gangnam Style dude? Main point here: This war just got a little shittier, because now future veterans will have to endure that Five Finger Death Punch song where he is all “DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT ME HERBUGGER JERR!” And that’s just not fair guys.
Kid Rock has a pretty entertaining Twitter where he just quotes himself over and over and gives himself credit. Except he probably doesn’t run it because it’s mostly promo stuff, but it’s a hell of a lot funnier if you go into it thinking it’s him, which provided a lot of laughs on the show today spawning a new gag where you say something stupid and then quote yourself. The ultimate quote heard today was “Avoid dying whenever you can”- Jason Ellis. Wise motherfucking words, and I think that may be a new fucking tattoo at some point. They could have saved time writing the entire bible if they had just came up with that fucking line.
I was going to bring this up earlier when I brought up ‘How Much” app, and then again when I brought up Ellis fighting but I just completely forgot about it. Ellis bet Tully he couldn’t land a punch to his face in 45 seconds because of Ellis’ superior bobbing and weaving. Well, they did play out the bet and Tully punched Ellis in the face multiple times and proved he hasn’t become a complete washout in the last year and a half of being a dad. I was glad to hear Tully get a win, it sure sounded like he needed one after he failed Rawdog’s Onnit challenge.
The guys did a lot of playing around with the Shannon The Animal Shenanigans Gunnz Gunnz workout audio mixed with McGruber and Rawdog’s Mel Gibson and Tully’s Bane. But to be honest with you, I’m tired as hell and I have to go to bed pretty soon so I am starting to give less shits as I type on, so I bid all 4 of you good night/good day.
“Let’s be clear: I don’t shit to help myself masturbate, I masturbate to help myself shit” – Crackerstacker.