Mongrels and fucktards of all ages! Welcome to the Wednesday re-cap of The Jason Ellis Show. I’m typing this up in my new Wolfknives t-shirt that I received today as a part of my Wolfknives prize pack I won courtesy of @That_Ellisfam and @NoYouAre_RDS in a contest where I proved just how much faster I can Google than everyone else. Nana-nana fuck you. Kneel before Wolfknife Shitman Fuckmeington! Yeah, I don’t really get it either. But the good news is that I may take up skating for the first time in my life now that I have a sweet ass deck and I’ll probably injure myself to where I’ll be bed-ridden for a while. Shout out to the No You Are guys, I may become much more available to cover y’all in the near future.
I missed the first 45 minutes of the show, but I gathered that the guys shot off on a topic based on this story (NSFW video) of a trained dancer and acrobat with a ?uestlove-style afro attacking women in a San Francisco subway station. The conversation that spawned on the show was about how everybody was just walking past and watching as the dude was attacking women and rubbing his wang all over them. What the fuck, people? More specifically, what the fuck, DUDES? Tons of dudes just walking by and not doing a damn thing besides one station attendant who was trying to keep him separated. Jason said that if a guy sees that shit going down, it is his duty to step in and crack that guy in the face as many times as it takes to put him down. Why is the world filled with such pussies these days? Well, basically the population is split into people who step forward into a situation like that and those who back away, and the world needs more people who will step forward, as the video clearly illustrates.
Like I said, I missed a bunch of the beginning of the show and I just ad-libbed all that shit above because I am Shitman Fuckmeington and fuck you I do what I want. moving on. In Aussie news, Prime Minister Huge tits is campaigning in the land where the toilets spin the other way. And along the campaign trail, her opponents put together some charity dinner event and named it in such a way as to imply that she has small boobs and a huge red box. Looks like all of the funny Australians are either on American radio or FX. Donatella Versaci looks like one of the dolls that Sid kid from Toy Story stitched together and melted in his barbecue:
Would you bang that occasionally to be taken care of for the rest of your life? I’d say sign my ass up, I can work with that. Jason and Tully were in agreement that being a “kept man” would totally be worth slamming your dong into that leather wallet of a vagina for the rest of your life. You’d get to work on anything you liked, travel anywhere in the world and all you would have to do is deal with friction burns on your dick and take extra hot showers every morning. Being the hopeless
moron romantic that he is, Josh said he couldn’t do it. Said he couldn’t get past the fact he would be with someone he didn’t love and wanted to start a family in the next four years. Let me repeat that in case you are skimming: Ideally, Josh would like to start a family within the next four years. Fuckin’ A, right? So if, ideally Josh were to be working towards that goal, he would already be seeing that girl right now. So if it holds true, Josh’s kids will be 5’3”, bearded little jews with huge areolas. Josh also slacked off on his workout this morning when he couldn’t remember how many reps he did, which is apparently essential for the specific workout he was doing. Well, Jason reamed him for it a while and hopefully he got Operation Roid-Dog back on track.
Apparently the kids are into licking eyeballs these days, ya know, for sex stuff. The problem with this is that the eyeballs are very absorbent to bacteria and the mouth is full shit that will fuck up yo eyeballs son! Which is what a bunch of chicks found out in some school somewhere where they had a breakout of pinkeye because of the practice. My notes here read “Minty Fresh BJ’s” which I can only take to mean that the guys decided that BJ Penn should bathe himself in Scope so he can smell like THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN!!!!
A guy referred to as Fuck-You-Will and Failed Actor Soundgarden Mark came in to play a game today. The game being let’s make a deal, where they had to answer questions and then they either opened an envelope or a box and the contents was either awesome or terrible. The outcome was one guy had to wear vibrating panties, one of them got prizes and one of them got pumped by Rawdog in what could be the best Vine video I’ve seen thus far. It was a funny bit and those dudes seemed pretty cool, so yay everyone’s happy.
You know who wasn’t happy? Dom, upon learning he was playing Shock Pictionary for the last hour of the show. I was happy, because Dom getting shocked makes Jason happy. And when Jason is happy about shocking an unhappy Dom, Shitman Fuckmeington only has to write a couple of sentences to sum up an hour of show. For some reason, after the game a bunch of people called in to offer suggestions about the shock collars (I call them Shock Callers HAHAHA) but yeah they were all stupid so fuck it.
Earlier in the show the guys did some news about Kanye West and how he was saying a bunch of outlandish shit like he usually does. Tully brought up an interesting point at the time, that the shit that Kanye spracks off with is kind of cool because nobody says it quite like he does. He is a talented mother fucker and he isn’t afraid to speak up about it, not unlike a certain radio host that brought you to this page in the first place, so Tully changed my mind and I’m totally on board with this. Of course, a caller had to bitch about too much Hollywood News here which tells me that guy doesn’t know how to change the fucking station and he can shove it up his ass if he doesn’t like it.
Would you rather fuck a Canadian or a Mexican? Tully would rather fuck a Canadian, surprisingly because he thinks the Canadians have better odds at being hot. Racist. The conversation circled back around to the banging old chicks for money. Tully asked Josh if he would go around the world banging ugly or lame chicks for $100 a pop for a good goin over. Josh said he wouldn’t do it, and I agree, because $100 is fucking insulting for my penis. $100 makes you just a cheap gigolo.
I’m really trying to think of a good closing joke here, but it’s fucking late and I’ve gotta get up early in the morning, so you can take your need for a strong closing joke, spit it into a rag and shove it up your ass for a week. Once it’s good and moldy and festering with flaky shit chips, you pull it out and breathe in the fumes as you suckle on it’s moist leavings. Fuck you, I sort of tried. Shitman Fuckmeington, Out!