Hola bitcholas! Welcome to another Wednesday re-cap. Today was one of those special kind of days on the Jason Ellis Show. I can’t quite put my finger on what was so great about it exactly, but if I thought hard enough I’d probably be able to come up with something. Oh right! Josh mentioned early in the show he woke up with a little bit of a sore throat, and he might be getting sick. So Jason and Tully said “goodbye” and made his diseased ass leave before he got everyone else sick. Thems the rules, dog. Rule of thumb should be: don’t be a dumbass.
A lot of business talk to start off the Dog-less show. Ellis explained a little more (without naming names) about how he has been cutting back his spending and people who work for him that do pretty meaningless shit. Basically he doesn’t need the guy that finds the guy that can do something Ellis wants to put together because that gets spendy and he wants to be more in charge of his funds and whatnot. This spiraled into talk of how some big stars get a business manager that is a friend or a relative and end up getting ripped off for millions. In the end, it’s worth your time and money to have anyone who is handling your money’s work checked every now and then to make sure you don’t get ripped off. To be clear here, Ellis hasn’t been ripped off or anything, he is just trying to scale back a bit on his lifestyle and the shit he doesn’t need. But, if you wouldn’t mind, go sign up to Ellismania.com and give the Wing some cash motherfucker.
Ellis brought up a caller from yesterday that went on craigslist to have a little bit of harmless gay sex, but when he showed up at the other dude’s house the cops were there busting him for meth. Basically, the guy had to fess up to wanting to have a little gay sex and wasn’t involved in the meth. I like to think he said something like: “Hey man, I don’t want any meth, I’m just here for the cornholing.” Oh, you don’t remember that call? Neither did Tully. When they asked Will about it, they found out he wasn’t even listening to what they were talking about, and neither was Dom. Finally they figured out it wasn’t even from the show, it was from Loveline, that Ellis was on last night and didn’t get home until 2AM because he got lost downtown in the Porsche that was overheating and almost out of gas. Pro tip: Don’t ever run out of gas in your Porsche in downtown Hollywood. Ellis said he was getting more comfortable being on other people’s shows and didn’t feel like he had to be as over-the-top as he was when he was first starting out. Perfect example of Ellis being over-the-top was the time he had a phoner on O&A when Jim Jefferies was on. If you don’t know, Ellis called in to O&A on a day Jefferies was on and Ellis was being that over-the-top, loud guy talking over everyone trying to be as funny as possible, and Jim Jefferies called him out on it after Jason hung up. This made a very small little riff between the two and it never really amounted to anything, but still there was some bad blood between the two. Personally, I was a little bummed when I heard the whole chain of events because I think both Jason and Jim are fucking hysterical. Ellis said he couldn’t even remember what Jim said about him anymore and he was over it, essentially.
Poor, stupid Dom. He needs to get broken of some of his terrestrial radio tendencies. He keeps bringing ideas in that are tired old gimmicks from shit radio and he needs to have it tortured out of him. He is learning though, and I’d imagine warming up to the TJES ways would take time for anyone coming from terrestrial. In any case, the guys developed an idea where they have 6 envelopes, each containing a different sort of punishment for when someone on the show fucks up really bad. Some of the winning suggestions from callers and Twitter were: Having to wear really long press on nails for the day, sucking Will’s toe for 60 seconds, running into Shade45 and yelling an N-Bomb with a hard “er” into the mic, being the Swinghouse bathroom attendant and having paintballs shot at their bare ass. During this segment, we got to know a little more about Dom including: He has never licked a girl’s ass, he has dreadlocks coming out of his B-hole because he has never trimmed down there and he never shuts up about icy hot.
Hollywood News: Matt Damon looks like a cancer patient when he is bald, Carson Daly is moving up into Jimmy Fallon’s late night spot because he is the only other choice but Alec Baldwin may be in the running for one of those spots, which could be cool. Alan Thicke’s mother-in-law is being accused of arranging the brutal murder of her husband, Lindsay Lohan blah blah coke whore rehab blah, and Will Pendarvis took pictures of Tom Cruise’s space ship from his movie. Short and sweet Hollywood News today with nobody getting blasted for bringing up a stupid story where nobody did anything. (Thanks for getting AIDS, Rawdog)
Google Auto-complete game! You remember this game, where they type in a short phrase and everyone has to guess what the top 3-4 Google autocomplete responses are. Today’s contestants were Ellis, Tully and a pretty sweet dude named Ron who works building subway tunnels in NYC, and will probably die long before it is ever completed in 2060. I’ll keep this quick:
Is it healthy to eat my…..1)Boogers 2)Period (Why waste a good period?) 3)Scabs
I’m Pregnant and…1)I know it 2)Can’t Poop 3)Sick
Canada is…1)Better than US (HA!) 2)America’s Hat 3)a Country (Barely)
Is it a sin to…1) Be gay 2)Drink 3)Kill bugs 4)smoke weed
I just Slept with…1)My Ex Husband 2)My best friend 3)My Ex wife 4) My son(Seriously shouldn’t this basically just automatically detonate your monitor into your skull?)
Holy shit this game went on forever….1) I don’t want to type the rest of these out 2) I won’t type the rest of these out. 3) Fuck you and the PigRat that birthed you.
Montana finally legalized gay sex you guys! WOO! That reminds me, Jason rammed his bare head into Dom’s sack for some reason I never fully understood but didn’t question. Ellis said he didn’t feel any junk hit his head and suspect Dom was cheating and tucked it back so he wouldn’t get hurt. I think he has a much more dastardly secret than that. Someone needs to yank this dude’s pants down and see what sort of shady shenanigans is going on in his crotch region. Dude may be a Cylon.
Final calls weren’t much of a thing. Mostly, Ellis and Tully announced that Ellis’ new book will be advice from Ellis himself and I just said Ellis 4 times in one sentence. Basically, he is going to put together a guide for people on how to live, how to dress, take care of your body, deal with family issues etc. Should be a pretty sweet book since he has some pretty unique takes on things whether you agree or not.
That’s about it really. Damn, the show goes by so much smoother without that little bastard stuttering nervously through a response to a simple question. But in the end, the show probably wouldn’t be as much fun without our little Jewish punching bag, and so for that I hope he gets better so we can all thrash him live on the radio again. Not unlike how I buy neosporin for your mom’s ass so I can go back and tear it open again!