Evening bitches. It’s once again time to re-cap this shit dick business better known as radio. Big Daddy Jas Cakes started off the show talking about how the term “Big Daddy” is inherently creepy and usually dudes who call themselves Big Daddy are therefore creeps. To me, it sounds like the kind of dude who lotions his feet and belly often and eats a lot of Corn Nuts. If you are currently calling yourself Big Daddy and you are nobody’s Daddy and are shorter than Lebron James, please discontinue use of the term.
Moving on, Jason is gearing up for the Tiger Box event,(March 15th at the Viper Room if you want to go sing karaoke with Jason)practicing his guitar licks, by slamming through the beginning of “Am I Evil.” He progressively got better as he continued and it was almost starting to sound like a song. Remember though, you are going to want to buy tickets to this thing in advance or you may not get in at all because this is the Viper Room, River Phoenix died here. Swanky joint.
How hairy are you? Do you trim the hair? Do you trim the right hair? Are you protected from the sun’s rays and is God mad at you for making your junk look like Kid n’ Play? There was a pretty lively discussion on body hair today and it was surprisingly interesting considering we had the hairless wonder Jason, the mildly fuzzy Tully and Cousin It’s Jewish nephew Josh. Basically, if you’ve got established hair in a place, it might be ok, but if you’ve got patchy hair that looks like you superglued whatever you found around the toilet, shave it. Ellis is still going to therapy and everyone is a work in progress and you will find your own way and I’ll let Enigma take it from here. Jude came in for half a second to talk about doing TV shows and Ellis said he’d want to do a show with either Jude or Psycho Mike. I’d rather see Jude on TV talking about taking Ketamine and watching Gone With the Wind personally, but to each his own. Let’s hope we get some sort of TV show in the near future. After that they brought up skateboarding and how if Ellis was 20 years younger his pool would be emptied out and he’d be shredding that shit up daily and tell the landlord to suck it.
SHARK NEWS: A man in New Zealand was attacked by not one, but 3 fucking sharks which is a shitty way to go out. Jason says he should have had a samurai sword strapped to his back so he could have just whipped it out and SHAKOW stab that motherfucker in the head. Rawdog said he should have played mind games with the shark and psyched him out. Tully prefers razorblades on your fins when swimming which is also a gangster way to win at water polo. If the fins don’t work though, you can always use an underwater flamethrower on the shark because even if you don’t understand fire, you fear it.
Spiderman is reportedly cumming on women or at least throwing his loads on Wal-Mart shoppers. This has been the second rash of incidents involving the ejaculatory assassin, the first occurring three years ago. Which means one of two things: 1) Either his thirst has returned or 2) he just switches to K-Mart in the off season and nobody cares about K-Mart shoppers. Cialis and Viagra should probably be avoided unless you get them prescribed, because a couple of dudes called in, one saying he passed out during sex and got a bloody nose (red dragons) and another said he had a stroke mid load. Stroke load, or Maneurysm, if you will. (red dragons) So unless you are an old man who’s shit doesn’t work anymore or you need to stab a shark in the eye, take it easy on the boner pills.
Next up, we got to see Will angry. And Will angry is pretty fuckin’ funny I gotta say. Apparently Sebastian Bach was supposed to make an appearance today, but cancelled last night and appeared on the Frosty/Frank (I have no idea) morning show. Ol’ Pendarvis went on a rant about how it pissed him off that someone would cancel an appearance when they are in the same city, the shows are on at different times, and the one he picked is a step up from a shitty podcast. The whole rant was pretty damn funny and I think they should fake guests cancelling on them sometime just to get Will pissed off again.
Cumtard had some stupid idea to headbutt the punching machine and Ellis punished him by smashing him in the head with it. After Cumtard was sufficiently punished, it was time to get some clits off of boxes. First off we had a girl who just couldn’t be satisfied, first by a guy who just wanted her to bounce like a pogo stick on him but she doesn’t like that so HAHA guy she banged! She also told a story about how she had a threesome and the guys just didn’t know how to do it right. It sounded like a chick who couldn’t be pleased until she said the dudes were high-fiving whilst inside her which tells me these dudes were probably making eye contact too and that is a 3-way no no boys and girls. After that there were more stories about dude’s cumming when they shouldn’t and the usual business. THat all changed when a chick called in saying she was dating some metal dude and found out he had been banging eight other chicks and a guy who may or may not have AIDS. I’m not sure if that makes him more metal or not, but there you go. Some mush-mouth 19 year old called in and said something about dude’s cumming and a threesome but I couldn’t understand a fucking thing she said so fuck her. A couple of 19 year olds called in and I’m starting to wonder exactly what the fuck? This doesn’t seem like the type of show 19 year old girls would be into right? And if it is, then what the fuck does it say about me, writing this recap, and YOU for reading what some asshole has to say about the show? I’m going to go the denial route and just assume they are listening because they want to bang Rawdog because Jewish boys are big with the young ladies. What? They aren’t? Then I don’t know what to make of it, I’m gonna go chug a beer and listen to some Motorhead.
“Hey, can I talk to Ellis?” Final calls was another success, and I’m loving this new dynamic of just having Ellis in studio riffing one on one with the fans. There is a lot less tangents to go off on late in the show and you don’t feel like you are losing anything if time runs out or if Rawdog tries defending his diet for the last 15 minutes. So, Jason, even though you can’t read, and even if you could, you wouldn’t be reading this shit: Keep it up man, it’s a great note to go out on. What we got from the last half hour today was you have to get up in your asshole and get it clean if you want to be able to go to the bar and pick up chicks. And when you do go to the bar and pick up chicks, aim low and you’ll always go home with a satisfied penis. Fingering in the ass is OK, and you should pee on people more often. OH YEAH! Earlier in the show, Ellis told everyone how Katie wanted him to cum on her burger so she could eat it. He couldn’t get the job done though because he had UFC and all this other shit going on. Can’t believe I almost forgot cum burger. Wouldn’t have ever lived that one down I don’t think. Cum burger sounds like it should have a whole section on Youporn. Like maybe when a chick sits with so much load on her face for a really long time, and it festers and rots onto her skin, and then some euro dude comes and rips all of it off in one clean peel, her face would look like hamburger with all the sores and craters. Just a thought. Get on it Germany!