I know. I had one job!

So uhhh… I was supposed to re-cap for Cody_McCraw92 today and completely fucking forgot. Starting off great already, right? Let’s see if I can make this fucker work while I’m listening to Djingo Unchained with Jude & Dingo. It was a dark, stormy night. It was just another ordinary day. The sun was out and before the show started, Cullen had a stroke or something because he signed off like 3 times. Apparently the Backbone had himself a crazy day, it was actually pretty funny, but he wasn’t amused at all. Ellis got up this morning. He also fed his kids and took them to school! God, you really have to give it to the good fathers out there, feeding their children and what not. Devin is being extra nice to daddy lately, which is good because Tiger has been getting in some shit lately. Ellis thinks something has happened on the other side of the family, because the kids are acting different than normal. The only thing normal is that both kids are currently hating each other, that kinda shit happens all the time. Tully and his sister hated each other for awhile when they were kids. Then when Tully got a little bit older and could beat his sister’s ass, she got back in line like bitches are supposed to.

Don’t mind me, I started partying before I started this recap.

Hotdog now knows that routines will get you killed, just like befriending ISIS on social media – you’re probably gonna die for that. Nobody got Tully’s #WhitePeopleWednesday joke yesterday, everyone thought it was the fact that it was on Laser Disc. But nope, it was way more meta than that, it was the pitch for the movie, a white guy has everything on Earth he could want, but then he found more shit he wanted, which is his conundrum. His wife got the joke though, so that’s all that really matters. Tully doesn’t find anything offensive about people taking their socks & shoes off on a plane, or clipping their nails on a plane, which is weird because I was sure the clipping nails thing would set anyone off. The show will be live from Vegas tomorrow and for the first time since birth, Tully does not plan on having a drink on the plane, after the plane, later that night, or in the morning. Plans change though. Oh, and Tully’s kid is being a super dickhead right now, and I think that may be because his son is part Asian and hate whitey. This is where callers chimed to give Tully tips on how to be a parent. Some guy in Alberta is starting a new trucking company and he wants the show to potentially help name his new company. The name will go on the side of his truck too, so obviously this man is either insane or completely fucking insane. And now his company name is “Thundertron”, so be on the lookout for “Thundertron Trucking”. Have you not seen The 13th Warrior with Antonio Banderas? Well you should. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that. Fresh plywood smells pretty good. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that too.

East coast, am I right?

Ellis saw Jude in the cooridoor yesterday and he looked sad, so Ellis asked him how it (the show) was going and Judo said it sucked, the callers sucked. Turns out, they were both talking about different shows. Ellis was talking about Djingo Unchained, Jude was talking about The All Out Show. So it’s nice to hear that callers suck no matter the show. Anyway, hopefully you’ve heard the first installment of Djingo Unchained by now, if not, you fuckin’ suck, man. By the way, Horse Force. New York City. Why haven’t you purchased tickets yet? Are you some kind of racist against horses and their forces? Stop being so close minded, you East coast fuckers keep begging for an EllisMania, then you get one and don’t go? What’s up with that? You wanna become a brand new segment on the show, “East Coast, Am I Right?” Tully hates his Twitter name, but he can’t change it. But he loves his Instagram name, and he won’t change it. Will is shorter of breath and one day closer to death, but he’s still more alive than say, Michael Jackson. Shit transplants are all the rage and guess what? If you want, you can take a shit everyday and not get paid. But now you can take a shit everyday and sell that shit at the Shit Bank! Speaking of shit banks, it’s time to name some new Wolfknives members! And now is the perfect time to remind of the Shit Bank Registry The Wolfknives Membership Registry! If you thought I was going to write down and post all you new Wolfknives that were named today, boy were you fucking wrong. You want on the registry? Go read that page and submit your information, then you’ll be part of it. Ain’t nobody got time to chase your unimportant ass down for your membership information, so be a sport and just submit that shit to the proper person. Hint, the proper person is not me, nor is it Bobby McGee, Martin Lawrence, or Captain Crunch.

Dude, am I a slut with Batman and Bane!

Ellis wants gold pants, Tully is sticking with silver pants, and Will should be wearing  bronze pants. Now picture that hot mess. Some Aussie rugby player has been given permission by his club of Eels to come to the USA and play ‘Murican football. It’s nice to know that Australians are allowing him their permission to be a grown ass man and do whatever the fuck he wants. He’s 6′ 2″ and will most likely get his ass mopped up on the field, because American NFL players are fucking huge enough to make a 6’ 2″ man look like a god damned, son of a bitch dwarf. They eat like 10 huge steaks for a breakfast snack, not the dwarf people, the NFL people. Is it okay to smoke cigarettes or weed in your own backyard? Of course it is, don’t be a stupid bitch. Conversation over. You don’t own the fucking outside world. Bane and Batman stopped the show today to talk to Will. Everything was going fine until Pendarvis made it weird, he has a tendency to that. They helped out answering some questions, some Dude Am I Slut? stuff and more. It was probably the most enlightening segment ever heard on radio. I mean, how often do you get straight talk from Batman and Bane? I’ll tell you, not very often, they’re so worried about how they look with face apparatuses and their voices, it’s like they don’t even care about anything but their feelings, much like an emo kid. Besides, it’s kinda hard to have an emotional opinion about your dog licking chunky Jif peanut butter out of your asshole when your days and nights are filled with darkness.

Metal is metal, especially when it’s near death.

A mirror tattooed on your ass so other people could see their own reflections in your ass is pretty metal, but not as metal as a pastor with AIDs fucking his “flock” and Lars Ulrich. Lars. The more you learn about the guy, the more you hate him. That double bass he does? Yeah, he can’t replicate it live. Thanks Bob Rock! Eat fuck Lars. Tully says Ellis should sing to a backing track, because nobody will know the difference anyway. And he’s not just being an asshole, he’s up for faking it too should the need present itself. Agree or disagree, one thing is for certain, HateBean needs no backing tracks or help, he’s live. All the time. Uncensored. Unadulterated. Unmarried. Kinda. Sorta. Speaking of Will, let’s hear from the only hermaphrodite listening to the show. Or at least the only one who bothered to call the show. But before we do that, let’s talk about Tully’s face moles that are dialing his phone and trying their best to get help to escape his face. He was talking to someone on the phone, kept hearing the familiar beeps as if someone was dialing out, turns out it was his own moles on his own face. They’re doing everything they can to escape his face, yet he keeps them chained to his face. Oh, and Synyster Gates from Avenged Sevenfold called the show, he’s auctioning off his custom motorcycle for the “Fuck Cancer” charity. Sounds pretty positive for a guy who goes by the name “Synyser” The misspelling really let’s you know how he’s sinister, but not your mom & dad’s sinister, he’s “today’s kids” sinister! So metal. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, a hermaphrodite, Whitney, called into the show. She was born with a cock and pussy, her parents decided she’d be a female and had the cock removed. She certainly sounds female so I assume they made the right decision. She has a scar below her belly button from the surgery to remove her extra sex organ. It was actually kind of interesting because I’ve only ever read shit a hermaphrodites. That’s gotta be a pretty weird thing to deal with in your life, but it sounds like nothing about it has really affected her. I mean, she didn’t cut off a body part, cook it, and eat it, like another caller from the past. She seemed normal, I mean, minus being born with boy girl and boy parts. Whatever, it was interesting. And there you have it. Today’s recap. Again, hopefully you stuck around for Djingo Unchained. What happened to Stretch? HEYOH!