LADIES AND GENTLEMAN! Today is a very special recap because today, ladies and gentleman, is the return of the DRUNKEN WEDNESDAY RECAP! CHEERS! I barely heard all of the show and some of it is a little fuzzy. But I have half-assed notes and a can-do attitude so let’s do this shit!
Alien isn’t really that scary upon a second viewing because back in those days, special effects, much like my childhood, amounted to basically lube and rubber masks. Ellis is thinking about getting fake hair as a goof for a while because he wants to see people’s reaction to it on Drew’s show. (Tuesdays and Thursday nights on HLN by the way. I saw a few people on Twitter asking, so here is our public service, you fucks) So the debate became what style should he get? Bitpimps had some thoughts. That dude works really hard for someone who gets nothing back from the show. Reach around for you. Ellis wondered what it would be like if he had black people hair. But a white dude with a fro might be un-becoming of a dude with tattoos. Those people’s hair always invites suspicion from normal white……ABORT ABORT!!!! SIRIUSXM WARNING!!!! ABORT ABORT!!!
Ellis follows Miley Cyrus on IG and was talking about how he liked a video she posted of her singing which was pretty cool. Tully started to bring it up, but the internet sucks because of Will and the FUCKING GOVERNMENT COCK FUCK. So to fill time, our future leaders, China pretty much refuse to give two shits about what Round Eye thinks of them killing Rhino’s and shit for dick-enhancing powders that don’t actually work. They are pretty much going to…..Miley Cyrus videos are up! She is kind of high and belting out “Wrecking Ball” in a pretty funny way. Tully comments on how the tongue thing became her deal. I thought about how her tongue thing perfectly reflects the curvature of my ball sack. So yeah, as long as China doesn’t come over here and kill our jail bait pop stars, we are gonna be ok is what I took from this segment.
So, I know not a lot of people care about the Anthony Cumia Firing thing, but I listen to them, so I’ll indulge this for a moment. Ellis has been getting hate mail because a lot of O&A fans somehow feel compelled to point blame for their hero’s firing on Ellis. Obviously it’s a bunch of misplaced anger because of the recent rivalry which I won’t get into. But some people went as far as saying Ellis was in cahoots with SiriusXM to get Anthony fired, which is god damned mother fucking retarded. And even O&A would have to agree with that. Anyway, as a fan of both shows, I can say: It has nothing to do with this show, or this site, so this is the last I will speak of it.
So there was a study about people being cool in high school vs. how their lives were ten years later. And the results were that the cool kid’s lives sucked and the nerdy kid’s lives were awesome. Anyway, Ellis talked a bit about how he was bullied when he was in school. I don’t know, I never saw the classic bully situations in high school where the jock beat up the nerds. But then again, we did offer a class to get your tractor license, so maybe it was a different landscape.
The guys decided to hit golf balls at Cumtard’s testicle balls for a while. Hot Dog the Magnificent Intern Of Marvelous Talent’s revealed he was a varsity golfer in high school , so he was plucked to tee off on Cumtard’s balls. They whacked his balls and smacked his balls. Then they threw the speech jammer on him and made him talk like Fabio while they bashed his balls. All I have to say about this is that Kevin sort of sounded like Hitler cumming from anal punishment while he was getting hit. Catch that on demand.
Meth and bulldozers are a bad idea because ya know, meth and bulldozers. A dude name Steve Sims came on the show. I had never heard of him before, but he is basically an extreme concierge for rich people. When I say rich people I mean, taking a shit in a toilet with gold flakes in the water rich people. He finds ways to make people’s wildest dreams come true, for the right price. He’s an Englishman, which means he is a headbutting psychopath. He actually rides moto and boxes at legends, he was a cool fucking dude. You could tell he wasn’t really familiar with the show’s humor, so it took a bit of catching on as it usually does, but he was laughing and cracking jokes so it was a good interview. A few examples of things he has done were: Getting a client to sing on stage with Journey, organizing lunches with celebrities and a few other things. My fucking notes seriously read like this:
- Makes stuff happen
- Makes BIG stuff happen
Like I’m supposed to remember details from that? What fucking homo would think that would get him details? Jesus Christ I’m fucking retarded. Anyway, he doesn’t take on pricks as clients, so none of you will be able to murder a midget over a stripper dressed as Santa Claus. A lot of people called in with different situations and ideas of what Steve could do and a good barometer is that if you want a bunch of hot bitches on a yacht to pretend like they like you and possibly blow you, it’s gonna cost $30-$50K.
I don’t remember the last hour of the show. And I don’t remember giving a fuck what you think? So I think It’s time you just give me a break. Maybe take some responsibility for finding out what happened on the show yourself! Maybe I’m not your fucking nanny who has to tell you everything that happened! Yeah! I’m talking to you Will Pendarvis! Maybe pay attention to the show when it happens instead of taking the easy way out and reading this shit every day. FUCK THE GOVERNMENT IM OUT!