Well hello there, you beautiful bastards. I’ve got a bit of good news and a bit of bad news. I seem to have misplaced my notes somewhere, so I’m gonna have to free style this one. The good news is: Not a lot of anything happened on the show today so I think as long as my typing stays ahead of my beer drinking, we’ll have ourselves a coherent discussion. Breaks my heart a little bit to think I may have misplaced those notes somewhere though….Someone is going to stare at a piece of paper trying to understand what “Honey Diaper Baby Tard” means….And you, my friend will find out later in this recap!

First topic up today was about as gentlemanly as a conversation as I’ve heard on the Jason Ellis show. Ellis got a new straight razor from a place that custom makes things of that nature, and I would tell you what it was now if I had of written it down. But I didn’t. It’s super cool and him and Katie sliced each other because they are out of their balls. Katie has a friend who knows how to do a proper straight razor shave though, and is going to teach Katie how to do it. This snowballed into a conversation about making basically a man-spa-salon. Imagine a place where you can get a straight razor shave from a topless chick, get a tattoo from a topless chick, drink a 3 finger scotch served to you by a topless chick and finally get your pubes properly manicured by a topless chick. Sounds like a sweet afternoon, really. All of the real old-timey misogyny shit just compressed into one single room is not a bad thing at all, in my book. They talked about this for awhile. And then they stopped.

Cue boners.

Christmas Abbott came on the show today and she is just wonderful. They talked about Crossfit for like an hour which was boring as shit. But she is just wonderful and can do no wrong in my eyes. Since I lost my notes, I’m going to leave you with the photographic summation of how Twitter feels about Crossfit talk on TJES.

Shove your Crossfit talk up your ass.

Just to straighten this back out. Jesus Christ.

Christmas stuck around for a while as Sam Tripoli came on the show once again to stammer out predictably lame jokes and try to plug himself into being famous. I don’t really care much for him, but Ellis likes him I guess and he is basically a pitching machine for Tully to verbally abuse, so just half fuck that guy. Anyway, a very odd thing happened next, even by Jason Ellis Show standards. Occasionally this show takes strange turns intro territory previously never thought of by any human alive, and you have to ask yourself: “What in the actual fuck am I listening to?” Today was one of those days……

You listen to this show. Remember that. This is where you are with your life.

So, stay with me here: Cumtard put on a diaper, filled it with honey and put the speech jammer app for the last 2 hours of the show. To really sum it up, Sam and Ellis started talking about basically nothing, and then Christmas, who was still there, would be like “Umm, guys? Yeah this dude is eating the honey out of his diaper.” and hilarity would ensue. I like Christmas. I hate Tripoli. Now, I am going to try something new. This new thing may blossom into a whole other thing entirely after, or it may crash and burn miserably. But we are going to try it. In honor of Cumtard, who is probably doing irreconcilable damage to his brain using the speech jammer, here is a speech jammer recap of the last hour of The Jason Ellis Show.