Well holy shit that was a long ass vacation eh? And as much as you missed the show, I’m sure you missed our nonsensical, feces laced rants about it 4 hours after it ended. As a matter of fact, I’ve got a uncooperative little poo goblin with his foot halfway out the door as I type this. The goblin being a turd and the door being my B-hole. Moving along! What you are all really here to find out, what you have all been waiting to hear is: What’s the deal with Jason’s heart? Not like “Will he ever learn to love someone” kind of heart but “OH MY GOD MY HEART IS GOING TO EXPLODE AND I’M GOING TO DIE PLEASE DON’T TAKE ME ODEN I’VE STILL GOT TO FINISH THIS SEASON OF VIKINGS” kind of heart problems. Sunday night, after a day with the kids and hitting a particularly hard Onnit workout after a week of no training, Ellis felt his heart do a little stutter step….And another….and it wouldn’t stop. Naturally, with Ellis’ history, he freaked out, and went to the hospital. It turns out his heart has something called an Atrial Fibrilation, or A-fib. Read about it here, if you care. Basically, it’s a heart rhythm disorder and has a lot of other complications that come with it. Ellis really thought he was going to die, so he texted Sluggo, who he apparently had been having a beef with that we didn’t know about. He also texted his mom, but she never texted back so, the hell with her. But, you cannot kill The Wing, he just isn’t ready to die, and he plans on sticking around to entertain the shit out of all of us for the foreseeable future and holy shit did they do just that with today’s show.

The intro with Katie was finally revealed, and God damnit, it’s a thing of beauty. It’s like in Hustle and Flow when they brought that pregnant ho in to sing the hook on a song , they just didn’t know they had the pot of gold under their nose their whole time. And Katie is in studio today as well. Anyway, so Ellis’ trip to Thailand. A week is probably too long in the land of Thai, especially because of all the sunglass selling lady boys. Ellis was offered hand jobs left and right and he maybe sort of took a right at one point but hey who the fuck are you to think you wouldn’t take a handjob in Thailand? Don’t let them put their mouth on it before, because their economy is based off blowjobs and sunglasses sales, and that’s a recipe for herpes or some God awful bacterial shit disease. In any case, Katie and Ellis had a good time minus the 20 hour flights and constant lady boy offers.

Some of the quick filler news stories: A woman was arrested for selling heroin out of her hospital room in the ICU. Which if nothing else, you have to respect that hustle. That you can be in such need of immediate medical care, you are in the ICU but still gotta sell that heroin. A family’s easter egg hunt was interrupted by an awful smell that was eventually led to a dead body underneath the porch. Crazy enough, that’s the same way my Prom date was found the next day. This got Ellis to a story about how when he was in Australia and some chick broke his heart so he went in the back yard with a hand scythe and mowed the grass down until he felt better. Also, Jefferey Chapman should change his name to Boob Chapman. He has  “Murder” tattooed on his chest backwards, like Katie. OH! Speaking of Katie!! Ellis let a little something slip that made me almost put my car into the ditch laughing so hard. Did. You. Know. Katie. You know Katie, Jason’s girlfriend. SHE once hooked up with a one Jared Leto. Katie got super embarrassed for banging the lead bitch of 30 Seconds to Mars. And not to mention she must have been wiping off guy-liner out of her crevices for months. She apparently blushed really hard too when Christian, the Spice Girl fucker pressed her about if she went all the way with him.

Jared Leto, after his night with Katie.

Bryan Callen and Brendan Schaub came on the show today. And in case you didn’t know who Bryan Callen is, it’s this guy:

Bryan and Brendan are a good fucking mix for the show. They do their own podcast, called Fighter and the Kid, so they know their way around a talk only show. They started the conversation talking about Bryan and Brendan and how they go out and Brendan picks up dime pieces(their words, not mine) and keeps lady trophies. Bryan was game right out of the gate trying to get to know the show and Ellis, and it was fun listening to him increasingly become more and more interested. Especially when he threw out a story about a chick he had that was sort of into blood play. He presented the story as this crazy out of control thing that happened to which Ellis and Katie replied: “Yeah, we do that.” Thus began Bryan Callen’s slow descent into love and obsession with Katie and Ellis. Bryan had questions upon questions and Katie and Ellis obliged every single one, from deep cutting during sex to blood in their coffee. And holy shit was Bryan into it. By the end of the interview, it seemed like the Jason Ellis Show grew a very famous and very die hard fan. They talked about more than just Jason and Katie fucking though. Ellis opened up finally about the whole O&A fiasco last month. If you didn’t know, Ellis said his show was better than Opie and Anthony’s and was bigger at that. Opie and Anthony got a wad in their twat about it, and Ellis never said a word. Truth is, Tim Sabean called Ellis to ask him not to say anything to squash the beef immediately. So that’s what happened with that. Anyways, back to Bryan and Brendan, Bryan is totally enthralled with Katie and Jason’s passion for each other and Brendan is simultaneously horrified. But no matter the level of interest in Katie and Jason’s sex life, those two guys are fucking great on the show. And I definitely heard the chemistry between the two guys and how that would certainly make for a great podcast. Once again, it’s called The Fighter and The Kid and can be found anywhere podcasts are found.

Also, don’t forget, Jason is taking tomorrow off to go see a top cardiologist to make sure everything is working ok, so we have one more day of best of before a more than likely kick ass Friday show. So don’t be the cunt that whines about how many best of’s there have been this week. Nobody likes you.

Also, Katie hooked up with Jared Leto.