Good evening and happy Wednesday to you motherfuckers. Great news! That intro with the chipmunk voiced hot dog vendor finally changed and the show finally changed it up. However, that’s not to say this one is perfect. The problem with this one is that Kenda Perez sounds like she was saying the lines at gunpoint. Nothing worse than a zero enthusiasm “in the hole” to kill your boner. Now if we can bring her to tears and get her to say it over and over defensively, I’m all in.
Hey dudes, what celebrities would you be willing to live with? Ellis questioned Tully with a list of men he could possibly cohabitate with. Daniel Tosh? Tully couldn’t handle the steady stream of hot chicks he would bang. Trent Reznor? No, he’s too far up his own ass. Scott Ian? Hell no, Tully doesn’t want to hear about Anthrax’s goings on and how much Tully doesn’t like the beer as much as he does. The gist I got from the conversation was that Tully is basically a 60 year old woman. Case and point: The only person he said yes to was David Bowie, who is basically an old lesbian woman in looks and most likely practice.
Some surgery stories from callers after Ellis brought up Carey Hart’s recent back surgery where they had to go through his stomach to reach his spine. One guy called in to talk about his open heart surgery where they cut open your sternum, do the work and then glue it back together. Another guy had the same surgery, but got aluminum wire to tie his chest back together. Ellis wants to get a box installed in his chest like Iron Man or maybe a TV. In fact, the guys figured out a really good way for cripples to get laid and have it still be pleasurable for the chick: Get a TV in your chest and then whatever whore you convince or pay enough to bang you gets to watch porn instead of looking at your greasy ass.
Ellis keeps rambling on about some Vikings show. Supposedly it’s pretty good, but I haven’t seen it, nor do I care. The reason I’m bringing it up however is the guys were talking about how Viking women were super manly and while the men were away conquering the world, they had to use traps and shit to catch food for the…..you know what? I’ve completely forgotten where I was going with this. The end game was essentially that Tully laid out a nice rant about how every nationality has an excuse for being alcoholics: “Oh you know Russians and their Vodka” or, “You know those Irish and their Whiskey” or, “You know Missourians and their grain alcohol and meth.” Wow, this paragraph had no point at all.
The guys played a game of celebrity rumors where we learned that Nicole Kidman is afraid of butterflies and Pierce Brosnan can breath fire. Samuel L Jackson was one incarcerated for kidnapping and holding someone hostage. Some other people did some shit I don’t remember too, it was fucking amazing. Then the guys talked about little entitled cunt shit Justin Bieber and his deposition thing the world is talking about. Surprisingly, Tully and Ellis were sort of backing him because he is a 20 year old millionaire and don’t blame him for fucking off on a deposition. I get their point completely, and they are probably right. I just so want this shit bag’s undoing to end in the worst god damn way possible. If he weren’t such an entitled bag of cunts, I would hate him less, but he is thinks he is god’s gift to pre teen hymens and his inevitable overdose or brutal murder is going to be met with a collective sigh of relief from humanity.
The guys briefly touched on the most hilarious bit of the week thus far from yesterday which of course was Michael Tully’s epic rage monster coming out during shock Pictionary. In case you missed it, Tully was the one getting shocked and he at one point chucked the marker across the room exclaiming “FINE THAT’S AS GOOD AS THE FUCKING DRAWING IS GETTING SO JUST SHOCK ME UNTIL FOUR O CLOCK” I was absolutely rolling during that bit and hearing a bit of the fallout was good. Ellis said he genuinely felt bad because his trademark ramblings legitimately pissed Tully off(at least while he had a shock collar on). After all though, it seems the King and Queen of the west are back on track in their relationship, and it was only a temporary spat.
Hey, did you know there was a survey put out for an EllisFam-ily Feud game? Neither did a shitload of people on Twitter, but at least 100 people did fill it out (Basically the entire audience if you ask some people). Anyway, I listened to the whole thing, and like most of my recaps, what I wrote down does not always reflect what I heard so here is what I remember:
#1 answer for what celebrity does Tully resemble the most? Young Adolf Hitler.
#1 answer for what would Ellis do if he weren’t in radio? Porn Star.
#1 answer for what is the best munchies food? Chocolate (Bullshit, it’s tacos you dicks.)
#1 body part dudes want smaller on chicks? Stomachs and assholes.
#1 thing you see in Canada? Mud, Maple Syrup and beady eyed Canadians.
Have you heard about this #BanBossy campaign? The long and short of it is that some women think using the word bossy has a detrimental effect on young girls, forcing them to not want to be in charge or take leadership roles in society when they are older. I should clarify here that I am not kidding, this is a real thing that is happening that is being backed by Michelle Obama, Condoleeza Rice and Beyoncé. The main question nobody seems to be able to answer is that did being called bossy ever stop one of those three bitches from getting to where they are in life? Fuck off you language policing bimbos. Because in the end, anyone who can allow a word like bossy determine their level of confidence in themselves was never going to rise to any great heights as it is, and if they do, they are going to be shitty at their fucking job. So save the language police for shit that really matters, and be happy the word is bossy and not Cunt. Ellis and Tully agreed that little girls are bossy by nature(My 18 month old is a bitch, I can attest to this), and came up with a better campaign which we all desperately need to get trending: #BanFelchJizz because no little kid needs to be called Felch Jizz in this day and age.
Sorry, blacked out for a second there. The guys ended the shows with a Skype session of final calls, and like the last time, nothing really great happened. Kevin unknowingly flashed his nuts to a child, but nothing of note beyond that. It’s a really great concept, it just needs a little work because the video aspect does nothing for people listening. I’d like to hear something along the lines of a talent show, or even a “Gross Me Out” contest where the grossest listener gets a prize pack. These are all things that could make the Skype thing not sound like a final calls where they describe the caller’s face.
Wish I had a better line to go out on.