Thank you for joining me again for your favorite Friday recap of the week. Have you ever slept with a famous person? Ellis has, I haven’t. There really isn’t any famous people in Phoenix except Alice Cooper and even though he is a legend of rock, I don’t think I’m his type. It’s a busy sports weekend with exciting shit happening in the NBA, UFC, and NFL with that Super Bowl thing going on. Supercross The Dragon needs to be dragon his balls across some lady lizard. I don’t know why he does but I felt it was worth mentioning. Also, lions fuck a lot, so you can now stop asking me on Twitter. In exciting NYA news BitPimps has been hired to do show research and find news stories. He’s going to be working from home and not getting any money for the job but good for him. An example of his fine work is the story of a man who teaches wolf pups to howl. More great news, Tully doesn’t have herpes! So ladies, feel free to make out with his face as you see fit. They talked about old people and their aches and pains and how some might be bullshit but some might be legit, just depends on if you are an old pussy or an old badass. Ellis wants to die in a firey helicopter crash doing summersaults because he thinks old age won’t be
kind to him considering he’s busted more bones in his body than not. Tully never wants to get hurt really bad because he thinks he’s gonna be one of those people that can’t handle shit and freak out. This brought on a bunch of people calling with stories of shot hands, crushed nuts, arrows in fingers, burns, mangled air bag blasted hands, and popped eyeballs.
Juliana Pena, the chick that blew up her knee like it was a Stallone movie, has been called the worst injury ever heard of in the sport of MMA according to Dana White. Apparently she got beat up by a dude at her gym, but the gym owner seems to have a different story. Either way, Juliana won’t be back for about two years. Katie joined Jason and Tully in the slacker studio and they talked about stuff. Then they tried to play Hey What Are You Doing. After a bunch of that shit they watched a video of some chick with a massive fro-bush get dyed and shapen. Then they watched a video about Mormons flogging the bishop. Then they talked to a cute lady that lives in a pumpkin and makes sammiches. Then they went on break.
From the time of the Romans all the way to the Conquistadors, they believed that urine whitens your teeth. And why are we talking about pee? Because Nick Swardson is here
and what else would we talk about. I’ll tell you what we’ll talk about, elevator phobia. And guess what, ya boy Swardsonanegger has it. That’s why his calves are beau-ti-ful. Stairmaster ain’t got shit on Nick! They also talked about his EllisMania fight against that one guy and how Nick felt bad about delivering the multitude of blows to the frightened withering vag. Speaking of power blows, check out Nick’s new show, Chosen, on FX about a gay gangster rapper who’s just been released from prison. How can that not be funny. What’s also funny is Andy Dicks current sobriety. So funny in fact, the guys talked about all the cool shit he’s done and stories from their own bumped out adventures. Also check out Nick’s newly restarted and unhacked Instagram account at @RealNickSwardson.
After Nick left we heard a price of show history. The first time Tard That Tune has ever been done by Kevin while completely sober. It was extra tarded too. Will is back and calmed down and things were talked out and everybody now has a better understanding of the others feelings and emotions. Now kiss and make up. After that emotional landslide, the new intern Straightedge came in and told us what his favorite thing was that happened this week. He also gave his opinion on show improvements, who was right and wrong in the WillGate 2014, and who his favorite guest has been. Nobody really cares and this was just filler for the end of the show since nobody has been listening after the first hour except me. And I wasn’t even listening, thank you On Demand! The Howard Stern Birthday Bash was great, definatly worth a listen when you get a chance, and maybe someday we will all be there for Ellis’s 60th birthday bash of his own, I know yer mum will be there, having her own bashing party if you know what I mean wink wink, OH!