If I could paraphrase the modern philosopher Christopher Ashton Kutcher, Opportunity looks a lot like work, and you have to work to get sexy and be successful, so go out there and work your ass off and get sexy like Kelso!
My show notes are written on my hand because I was driving home for 2 hours at 630 so I apologize if something doesn’t make any sense whatsoever because my hands got sweaty and I ate some pizza and I can’t quite make out what some of it says. This recap will basically be like a watching a blind man painting a mural with his own feces, and you are my canvas.
So Ellis started talking about how he woke up early and went to go train, and he stopped at the pier to take a free poopy and he saw a guy there screaming insecurities at the ocean, and thought that could be some sweet therapy. I like to yell at the wild too, whenever I see your mom’s bush I make sure to scream “I AM TOO EASILY PERSUADED BY THE PROSPECT OF A WARM VAGINA!” More talk about the Tshirt contest, which ends tonight, so if this is your only warning you are shit out of luck. It is on Facebook.com/Ellismania though so copy and paste that shit because I’m not linking to anything tonight. Might not even recap the whole show. Might just take a shit on the floor and wait for my wife to step in it. Bottom line: Learn the internet, bitch.
Ellismania finally has a name! Drumroll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ellismania 9: Pound for Pound will be live at The Hard Rock October 12th. Thank you Dingo for uttering that epic idiocy. All seems to be getting handled awesomely and Ellis is trying to hook up some fights with possibly PLG and Eddie Wall I think. Rawdog might be fighting Nick Swardson but he needs to watch out for the Swardson Poopie Soaker attack if he loses because that guy likes to smear poop on people.
Dominic Monaghan is a dude from Lost and Lord of The Rings and he sent a bunch of texts to a chick saying how rich and successful he was and how much of a diseased skanky whore he was. Ellis totally called douche on him, but my impression of the story was that the chick was omitting all of her side of the conversation and trying to make it look like the famous guy was being a dick for no reason and she is going to get her “Sydney Leathers” day in the sun because she is nobody and the best thing that ever happened to her is a tertiary character from Lost insulted her in text form once.
Bruce Willis says he doesn’t want to do action movies anymore because explosions are played out or some shit. Fair enough, Die Hard, Die Hard 2, Die Hard 3, Die Harderer etc, Red, Red 2, Expendables 2. But he’s being a douche about it so stop listening to his dickishness.
We’ve done stuff with Rawdog, we’ve done stuff with Tully and now it’s time to do stuff with Ellis! Ellis isn’t too sure how to do stuff with computers but he sure as shit has some ideas about cars and boats and stuff. Woo! Recap. I pretty much didn’t catch the rest of the show because I got home and there were three chicks in my house talking about penises and orgasms and banging and I’m far more interested in that than this.
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