Welcome to Wednesday bitches, NYA coming at you live. We are inside your mind, and we are fucking it. Today’s show was brought to you by human anatomy, a lot of time spent on testicles, vaginas, extra nipples and buttholes. Mark Wahlberg apparently has a third nipple, which could be a mole, but might be a nipple. It’s cool though because he says he would never get rid of it because it’s his favorite and he loves that nip.
Ellis started ranting about how stupid American Idol is and how everyone on there isn’t a real musician and just wants an easy road to fame. I tend to agree there, considering I can only name two people who have ever won that contest. You really gotta get heavy into drugs and make some grungy shit if you wanna make it big in my opinion. Speaking of shit music, Ellis played some bit that Jimmy Kimmel did the other day where they went around interviewing people at Coachella. The bit being that they asked people about made up bands and everyone acted like they knew who they were, and it’s funny because hipsters love to know about bands that you don’t to seem cool. Tully sort of sniffed the rat out though, and speculated that the video sort of looked like they asked people about real bands, filmed their answers and then dubbed over her original questions to make the video funny. Kind of like the time somebody dubbed a bunch of racist shit in Stephen Hawking’s voice and made him sound like a on old slave master. Tully started slamming Portugal for basically being the little bastard of Europe that it really is. Basically, any country that colonizes on another continent, and then the country you colonized becomes better than your original country, you suck ass. Looking at you, United Kingdom. Tully retracted his entire argument when Rawdog found that Nuno Bettencourt ( Awesome guitar player from Extreme that Tully gets wet for) is in fact, Portugese.
COCK NEWS: A chinese woman squeezed a man’s balls so hard that he went into shock and died. If you thought you had heard this story before, it’s because you have, and the show reported it a year ago when it happened. Rawdog just misread the story and saw that the woman’s trial is starting today. Someone who drives the Mars Rover for NASA got bored and decided to draw a big cock and balls on Mars, so shout out to that American Hero. The callers really took cock news and ran with it today, calling in with stories about getting their balls bitten by everything from dogs to babies. Also how you can measure your balls, or tits or cock by just standing on a scale, and then standing on it again, but this time have someone hold your balls up and calculate the difference. Rawdog, with his new found fondness of sharing way too much, revealed his balls are about the size of Silly Putty eggs. A caller said he once saw his grandpa’s balls. Balls, balls, balls ladies and gentleman. Nothing but balls.
There was a bit of conversation about the philosophy in Fight Club. No, not the one where you beat the shit out of Jared Leto, although I endorse that fully. The part where you give up your possessions and how that can be freeing. Tully says he loves his shit and wouldn’t give it up. Rawdog said he likes the idea of giving up your shit. Ellis says he wants to bang a cancer patient who just wants to loan out her vagina a few more times before she kicks it. Back to anatomy: Some dude got a spear in his face and just walked that shit off. A guy had his ear bitten off and then whisked away to Chicago. The guys inspected the video of Will’s vagina getting torn up on Ellismania.com . Also highlighted in the video is how good Rawdog is at missing layups. Anyway, to kind of round out some time
People magazine decided to insult everyone in America and name Gwyneth Paltrow as America’s #1 most beautiful woman. Which, to me, says everyone go see Iron Man 3 this summer, thank the movie studio for throwing enough money at People mag to put Coldplay’s top groupie on the top of the list. Lauryn Hill decided that white people can listen to her music again, because she has to pay a bunch of fines for tax evasion or some shit. Kim Kardashian is in the part of her pregnancy scheme where she pretends she is super unhappy about how fat she is getting and tells people to tell the media she is concerned her weight won’t come off after. Once she squeezes out what might be Kanye’s baby she’ll make a bunch of money off of Weight Watchers like Jessica Simpson did. And then she will drop too much weight too fast and go into cardiac arrest and die and we can look forward to her $30 million funeral. One of the guys from Ace of Base is a Nazi now. Hugh Jackman didn’t know he was gonna have a close-up in Les Miserable, so he got Tony Robbins to pump him up with that huge face confidence.
Josh brought in a game where he sped up some song clips, and it didn’t really go over well. Ellis hated it, but said the next time they do it the clips need to be longer. So they made Dom come in to present his latest audio of him walking around Hollywood asking questions. Then they kicked his ass out of the studio and made him call to present this game as “The Drifter” instead, much better. Basically, Dom interviewed chicks and asked them a series of questions and then the guys had to guess how many people they had slept with. Overall the game consisted of Dom asking 18 year old girls how many people they have slept with in his creepy Drifter voice. The whole thing could have been 10x better if he had of been arrested and beaten by unruly pedestrians instead. Ellis didn’t believe Dom used the Drifter voice to all these girls and accused him of pulling a Kimmel and dubbing over it with the voice afterwards. Probably isn’t true because I heard a couple of the girls laughing and one even said he was creepy. That may not be real evidence, because Dom looks like every extra in Dances With Wolves and who knows if he was strapped with his paintball gun.
Final calls happened. It really was a thing. Nothing notable though. So here I am, rounding out this re-cap with a whole lot of nothing. This one is on you, shitheads. I gotta listen to the show and take notes, and I’m certainly not going to re-cap every dick weed who calls in to make some stupid joke. Like that guy who had the story about how he saw Rawdog at the porn shop and got Rawdog to blow them through a glory hole. Way to go, that guy. It was probably hilarious when you thought of it, I’m sure. I bash on the morons who call the show a lot, but I can honestly say that without morons, who would we make fun of? You are like how when shit decomposes into the soil and becomes fuel for things more useful like plants and trees. So I guess keep calling the show then, it’s you pieces of composted shit all condensed together that really keeps this world afloat.