Good evening folks! It’s Friday and I’m doing today’s recap because @Az_RedDragon asked to switch Wednesday and Friday this week and that motherfucker got Corey Motherfucking Taylor and that shit was awesome and I’m a little bitter. Today on the show, the guys decided that if you are a hideous looking dude, it doesn’t matter if you have a Porsche, the chicks ain’t banging your ugly ass. Might as well save the money on the Porsche and spend it on some whores. Ellis Mr. X told us about the time he fucked some chick with a sheep skin condom because she was allergic to latex. Apparently sheep are easy to kill because he tore right through it.
Gets fucked by a farmer for years, killed to make condoms.
It’s hard to make friends these days, especially if you are over 30. And you don’t want to be friends with your neighbors because that shit can get awkward if they look over the fence and see you taking a dump on a goat dressed like The Ultimate Warrior. Ellis’ neighbor gave him and Katie a Valentine, which is a bit wierd. She may or may not listen to the show, or she may be trying to lure Jason and Katie into a basement with Eyes Wide Shut stuff going on. If that’s the case, I don’t think his neighbor has ANY FUCKING IDEA WHAT SHE IS GETTING INTO AND SHOULD CEASE ANY AND ALL ATTEMPTS. *ahem* Moving on, Tully has been slowly courting himself a man friend, and is finding it’s hard to ask a man friend to go out for another date. I suggest: “Dude, is it gay if I wanna hang out again.”This new punching machine is going to get some miles on it, as the guys tried to test it out once again, this time with kicks. And Tully may have fists of fury, but Ellis topped him with his legs. Toe kicks don’t work, son! Then, the street kid out of nowhere, with shins like diamonds came in and booted the machine with his left foot and scored higher than Jason’s left foot. That is not a typo. Will Pendarvis III, with the mohawk of destiny, with shins like garlic bread scored higher than Jason Ellis at a physical event that wasn’t chasing down terrified women. Well, Jason couldn’t have that, and I don’t blame him, so he kicked that machines balls straight into Cumtards balls and scored 101 balls…points. The neighborhood is safe again, folks. Great big tits I likeCrazier than shit house ratsWomen, Am I Right?
Your honor, how will I know he loves me if he stops bleeding?
Of course, it’s Friday, so we had a Valentine’s Day edition of “Women, Am I Right?” Some chick married a guy who had been convicted of murdering her twin sister. Do you think it’s possible he killed the wrong one on accident? And of course the age old tale of guy forgets VD, girl tries to stab him with a knife while he barricades himself in the bedroom and calls the cops. Some British bitch, a britch if you will, commissioned a billboard to break up with her boyfriend on VD, which is a shit move and she should be shot by catapult or whatever they do in that renaissance land. Or we could get Pendarvis to give her the old left shin to the box and let her bleed out. A female(Clue) Florida(Clue) bartender(another clue) broke into her exes house and tried to strangle his new girlfriend, which according to Ellis, is totally fair ok to commit violent rape. Some lady forgot the first rule of dumpster diving, which is if you hear the garbage truck pull up, you GET OUT OF THE DUMPSTER. In her defense, she was trying to find some metal, and therefore probably listening to some Tenacious D. Apparently, Vin Diesel did not have a very good Valentine’s Day, which was pretty obvious from the singing Rihanna songs in a karaoke bar. Alone. On Valentine’s day. VIn Diesel. It’s totally real dude. Hey look at that I figured out the link thing. good show, old boy. Anyway, Xander Cage singing sad Rihanna songs on VD. For more Diesel drama, his Facebook (EEEK!) has become a hot bed of mockery. You’d be sad too if every time someone met you they said “Wow! You look so much taller on film!”
Ellis has been getting a lot of flack about trannies on instagram and twitter. He thinks it’s because people are being homophobic. *positions self on soap box* The reason that trannies and pornstars can become stagnant and boring on the show is because a lot of them are as dull as a Bieber fan’s pocket knife. They have nothing else to talk about besides how much they like to fuck, and be fucked, and suck, and be sucked and peed on. We’ve heard all of these things several times, and we can all predict exactly what they are going to say next. And as soon as the conversation gets changed to something else, they bring the topic full circle right back to their dicks. The problem isn’t because it grosses me out, it just gets old. Ellis even pointed out they have a lot of interesting stories about overcoming their adversity. I enjoy the hell out of hearing all of that shit. But how many times can a pornstar come in and tell you they like cum on their face? WE ALL DO! (wait, what?). I look at trannies the same way I look at pornstars, moto guys, musicians, comedians: If you aren’t going to bring anything funny or interesting, people are going to complain it’s boring. The all-stars I can think of off the top of my head are: Domino Presley, Brittany Markham..ok I can’t think of more right now because Goofy’s family has a show on TV and it’s fucking with my head trying to think about chicks with dicks and Disney. So to sum it up, keep the trannies coming, but cut the bitches off if they have nothing interesting to say.
Ok, so back to the show, that Blade Runner guy may have shot his girlfriend in self defense, but he should have called out her name first. You’re missing legs, not vocal chords dude. Hugh Jackman has a bunch of gay rumors floating around, but that dude has a pool of naked bitches at his house so they aren’t true. Bruce Willis is acting loopy and weird on more interviews, probably PTSD after getting lost in Demi’s bush looking for Vietcong. That’ll change a man. Ariel Helwani called the show, and him and Ellis patched up their pretty much non existant beef. They talked a lot about MMA and interviewing fighters and it was a genuinely interesting interview. My Sirius app fucked up a bit after that and the next thing I know the dude called Beacher was talking midgets and tall strippers. I didn’t catch much of it, but if you give a shit, here’s his website. (So professional)
Holy shit guys, 1200 words is about all I got. There has been meteors crashing into Russia, and the videos are pretty sweet. I’m done with links, you have a computer, youtube that shit I ain’t your Mee Ma. I’d like to leave you with a bit of wisdom I have learned over the years: If you feel you have to poop before bed, don’t get up and tank it. Instead, go to sleep and wake up and your poop will be that much more delightful. after all, A penny saved is a penny earned.