Wolf Knives Album Cover

Hai you guise! OMG I’ve missed you all soooooo much! It’s so good to see you! Mwah, big kisses and fanny pats. It’s Thursday you fuckin’ ball gagging, piss drinking, cum eating, shit diddling, friends of mine! Don’t take it the wrong way, I mean that shit with the utmost respect. Wolf Knives are a real gang now, with a real website, and if you’re cool, you too can be a part of the Wolf Knives gang that comes complete with a patch and errything, you can check that shit out at thewolfknives.com for all your Wolf Knives gang related inquiries. No word on if you have to be jumped in or if you just gotta fork over the scrilla. Dr. Crystal Methamphetamines was the first outsider to be inducted into the gang, along side @Dutch_RDS, and of course @benjaminmadden and a few other stone cold gassers.

No jokes with this bumper sticker

Josh has finally come out of the closet and admitted he is gay, well at least 5 to 10 percent out of the closet. Ellis is putting up a profile on Cougar Life, looking to get his dick wet from a disease free fountain of cougars. If Mitt Romney becomes President, Ellis will suck a dead horse’s dick, and if not, Rawdog will be sucking a dead horse’s dick. Depending on how you look at it, it could be surprising or not so surprising, but a caller chimed in with access to a dead mule’s dick. This fucking guy is like the Swiss army knife of dead animal dicks, it’s really quite amazing actually. Sounds like the A6K is a bigger piece of shit than Rawdog’s car, West Coast Customs contacted Ellis to tell him the electrical wiring and dash was just too fucked up to do anything with so they’ll have to get him all new shit. I don’t know who worked on the A6K before (likely Audiobahn), but apparently they MacGruber’ed the shit out of it to the point that it is unsafe to even be driving.

Wat? This isn’t normal?

Ellis went out on a friendly date last night with that Michelle “Bombshell” McGee chick, he said she was really funny and cool and not at all like the gossip that seems to follow her around. Am I the only one that thinks she’s not good looking in the slightest? The band Nickleback is shit, we all know it, we’ve all known it for a long time now, and yes Chad Kroeger has ramen noodle hair, so let’s just move along to something more interesting. The guys played some Ellis Jeopardy today, each battling for their own personalized prize should they be the winner. The new intern, Bitch Taco, wants to change his nickname to something a little more respectable, Rawdog is playing for a chance to punch Tully in the dick, and Tully is playing for a chance to upgrade his unused “skip the show for 15 minutes” card, to 30 minutes. And the final winner ended up being the intern formerly known as “Bitch Taco”, who is now known as “Cock Nacho”, so congratulations to you, sir.

Just going out with the girls, honey!

A few of the final calls were kind of interesting, some dude’s wife got mad at him for chewing tobacco, so the logical thing to do was to be all shady, lie to her husband, go have 9 glasses of wine and a burger with some fucking dude. Then she felt bad for being a whore and was all lovey dovey to her husband and then when he reciprocated, she called him clingy. A couple of small (as in little people) calls as well, one midget cock blocked a normal sized dude by telling some chick that he had drank a lot that night. Little people, they’re evil just like gingers, but at least they have tiny souls whereas gingers do not. The other little person caller was saying that the word “midget” is offensive, people are far too sensitive these days, it’s not like people are calling you short stack or lil’ turtle. And finally, I have a prediction and a nice comparison to make about your mother, and being that she’s a street worker (read prostitute), there’s a good chance this could be prophetic. How are cell phone signals, your mom, and Princess Diana alike? They all die in tunnels. OH!