Many people come up to me and say, “Jason, you seem like a man who knows how to please a lady, can you share some of your secrets with us?” Of course I can! In fact I will help shed some light on one of the most overlooked sexual practices today, hand stimulation, also knows as fingering, finger banging, throwin’ some digits, flickin’ the bean, patting the little man in the boat on the head, checking her temperature, etc.
First, make sure that your hands are well manicured. Women like a man with “workin’ hands” but they don’t like it in their most sensitive of areas. Remember guys, manicures are gay, but manicures so you can fingerbang your girl are less gay, and whatever you do, avoid hand sanitizer. Trust me, I learned that one the hard way.
Now that your hands are up to par the next thing to do is to find a nice, private area to bring your lady to her carnal throws of ecstasy. Some places that I have found to be mood enticing are the bedroom, in the shower, front seat of your truck, under the bleachers, at the movies, or in the very back of church. Wherever you choose the most important thing is that shes comfortable. And now on to the handy work.
First, slowly massage the outer part of her vagina, and then ever so gently start rubbing the clitoris. When you start to notice her vagina becoming “wet” proceed to insert a single finger. Remember to watch her body language, if she seems uncomfortable just go back to the previos step. If she is enjoying it then feel free to continue, remember, this is all about her.
After inserting the first finger into her vagina, continue adding fingers one at a time, until your entire fist is inside her. I know this sounds unusual, but remember, you asked me. After inserting your fist slowly slide your arm inside until you get to your shoulder where you will limbo your head in. This may feel awkward and uncomfortable for you but trust me, she loves it. After you get your head in then you will need to wiggle your other arm, shoulder, torso, and finally your legs inside.
At this point your entire body should be resting gently inside her vagina. From this point you will have entire control of her body, much like a puppeteer has with a marionette. Now have her take her own hand and rest it gently on her vagina so that she may manipulate herself the way she actually likes. Once she reaches orgasm and is fully satisfied you exit her body by giving birth to yourself, head first, then shoulders and so on.
I hope this lesson helps you and your romantic affairs, and remember, sex can be a beautiful experience.
*Some or all of this writing may or may not be plagiarized, allegedly.
And one more thing, I was taught this technique by your mom.