How you like that Ellisfam? You get me not once, but twice this week! I’m filling in while Az_Reddragon is getting drunk and loudly ordering 20 Doritos locos tacos to a confused and probably offended waiter in Mexico right now. Hang in there dude, if you believe in it hard enough, the double deckers will appear. Speaking of believing in yourself: Drago in Rocky IV did not believe in himself enough. All of Russia’s top man sculpting scientists pumped him full of Gatorade and wrote on clipboards while he shadowboxed in rooms made of Soviet flags, and yet they still couldn’t genetically engineer HEART, SON! And Rocky may have a fucked up lip, but that son of a bitch has heart….Along with a terrible boxing stance and stilts in his shoes. Which brought Tully to talk about people’s national anthems and how they all seem to have the same sentiment of ”
Hey look at us we are so awesome and you other countries suck” Ellis asked Tully why all those celebrities are holding signs up about bringing those girls home (?) and Will explained the situation, and why celebrities do that. For some reason this spun Ellis to his favorite News Reindeer Wolf Blitzen, and a story he saw on his show where some Christian guys on TV got fired because they protested in an Anti-gay rally before and have very conservative, anti-gay views. Ellis reckons this was unfair, because even though he completely disagrees with that ideology, he still recognizes that the guys have a right to voice their beliefs. Tully mentioned how it is a striking hypocrisy among the media how you can get away with taking shots at Christians all day long, but if you say anything disparaging about a gay person you will be fired and publicly shamed, ruining your career. Ellis asked why this is. Tully said that the media is very liberal, and the reason they are liberal is because they are more “Intellectually curious” and Ellis said “more open minded” and nonnononononononn back out! Pull up! Maverick! Pull up!!
WHEW! Narrowly avoided a bunch of angry callers on that one and listening to Tully and listeners yell at each other. So we are going to sprint the fuck away from that terrible topic. Hey you know what’s kind of funny? Ellis doesn’t know the order that the months fall in. Or he does, but it took him a long ass time and he only knows the first five because of that Wyclef Jean song.
Someone sent a bunch of stuff to the studio as presents, and Tully said it’d be sweet if just one of these times, it were full of bricks of cocaine. Tully needs to do some coke to get it out of his system already. But as it turns out, it wasn’t sweet, sweet cocaine, it was a goody box of Kulture merch, (alleged pipes and bongs allegedly alleged). They all seemed pretty pumped on the stuff even though I never saw what they got so I’ll assume it’s sweet. Go check those dudes out.
*update: I forgot while I was writing, but I’m sober now, so if you go to these guys site, use the. Coupon code Ellis41 to get a discount. thanks guys!
Ellis was once in an Australian soap opera called “The Henderson Kids” when he was really young. Will says he has tried time and time again to find the footage of Ellis in the show but can’t find him anywhere in the mix. So please, if you are the type of person who is good at finding that kind of shit, please get right the fuck on that. The talk of the old days made Ellis remember a story where he was modeling and to hide his wiener in his see-through pants, a dude reached down and stuffed tissue paper over his wang. Grabbed quite a bit’ o’ that package while he was down there too, if you know what I mean. The conversation spun around whether if touching normally private areas is expected behavior on a modeling set, where everyone is being professional. The main point being: If you’re a dude and you are putting an adhesive star over Carmen Electra’s nipple, you are enjoying the shit out of that. I can honestly say that If I ever get within a foot of Carmen Electra I’m taking her to the top of the Empire State building and you can fuck right off. Back to the topic at hand, though. So if it is true that people in the modeling industry still love seeing model titties, it would stand to reason that gynecologists are counted among the world’s biggest geniuses perverts. Can you imagine punching out for lunch knowing you’ve already seen 6 vaginas? A Gyno even called in to confirm, that yes, they are getting creepy on your snatch. His words, not mine. A medical doctor used the word snatch at least twice in a 3 minute phone call. Think about that, ladies.
MMA fighter Matt Brown made some comments about women being in the UFC, like how they don’t knock each other out because of the physical frame of them and how he’d like to bang some of them. Not outlandish comments, and he was being funny, but is kind of a shit thing to say when you work for the UFC, and women’s MMA is still so new and is working hard to prove itself in the male dominated world of fighting. But fuck it, say what you want dude. I bring this up because Tully and Ellis placed a bet for Monday on the Brown/Silva fight this weekend on Fox Sports1, where the loser will spin the wheel. Oh, speaking of the wheel they added a bunch more shit to it. What did they add? I honestly don’t remember, and I can never keep them all straight anyway, so let’s just wait until Monday and hear some good old fashioned torture. They also handed out Wolfknife names and I didn’t write any of those down either, though it was a particularly fun edition of the segment. Probably should have done that. Oh well, fuck you it’s Friday. I did write some notes, including the words “Boxer Troll” which I am going to recap the fuck out of right now!
Ken Block, co-founder of DC Shoes, and longtime friend of Ellis, came on the show today. I’m not entirely sure what he was there to promote, but I’m not sure it really matters. It was sort of just a hang. He does have his Gymkhana (I swear all these years I thought Ellis was saying Jim Conner.) which is some sweet ass rally racing. He brought along some RC cars for Ellis’ kids and one special one for Cumtard’s balls. If you don’t remember the good old scrotum pulling apparatus, it’s a big spiky thing meant for balls, and then you hook the other end of it up to a fast RC car and boom, comedy. Ken Block’s RC cars are no fucking joke either, those sons of bitches were loud, which only makes me think they were fast and powerful as hell too. Haha, Kevin’s balls. Haha.
Aaron Lewis gave an interview where he mentioned his appearance on TJES, and admitted it was a time in his career where he maybe went too far or got too heated. But when he said it, he didn’t say anything disparaging about the show, just mentioned it like it was any other show. Ellis appreciated that and said it kinda made him like Lewis a little bit.
In Kevin’s Diarrhea News: His diarrhea comes and goes these days. He went to the doctor, shit in a hat and the doc said his shit was fine. But, Kevin still has the wet hot browns, so he is going to see a specialist.
And finally, today was Hardcore’s final day (PursuitofCrappiness on IG) as an intern on the show. They asked him if he still hated everyone on the show as much as he did on day 1, and surprisingly, he said he would stick around if they paid him. Progress. He said that at first he found the show to be a little misogynistic and homophobic even, but obviously being around the show for more than a day will do that. He took a shot at the punch pad and scored high enough to land himself at the #9 slot all time. So goodbye, Hardcore. Your utter contempt for the show and it’s fans on a daily basis will only be shadowed by your uncommonly awful Cast Away tattoos. Good on ya, Hardcore, we love how you hate us. Have a good weekend, everybody.
The End……???