Hello and welcome once again to the Wednesday recap of TJES, where the details don’t matter and nobody walks away any better because of it. I promise I’ll go easy at first until you feel warmed up enough to take the whole thing, and then I’ll fist your mind up to the bicep. Speaking of biceps, or lack thereof, Jason watched that Soul Surfer movie about the Jesus freak who got her arm bit off by a shark and it got him feeling inspired. You’ve got to be like the tiger jumping ten feet in the air to grab a steak out of the sky, you’ve got to chase your dreams or some shit like that. Self doubt is the biggest contributor to failure when it comes to achieving a goal, so you’ve got to be like that little girl with no arm and power through. Unless you get caught in an impromptu “YMCA” dance, in which case you just need to get the fuck off the stage and let a whole person get it right.
By now you have probably heard Jon Jones tested positive for cocaine a few weeks before his victory over Daniel Cormier at UFC 182, and has since checked himself into rehab. It’s a pretty obvious PR visit to rehab, but some sources have begun to say that he may have been using cocaine pretty heavily leading up to the fight which kind of makes sense when you look back at some of the shenanigans they got into. But hey, coke is pretty awesome, and you feel awesome when you do coke and it’s got to be exponentially awesome to be the best pound for pound fighter in the world and be on cocaine. Tully suspects there is a deeper issue with his drug use than we are seeing on the surface and hypothesizes the champ has something to hide. Regular cocaine users are known to try and be burying something about themselves and maybe the super “Christian” Jones is hiding some homosexual tendencies behind all of those bumps. Annnnd I can’t really argue. Also, I just realized I don’t really give a shit about all of this.
Tyler Posey has
bitched out cancelled his fight with Tully at Ellismania 10 because of his throbbing bitch vagina having to film Teen Wolf stuff that day. So yet another celebrity backs out of a fight with Tully. Insert funny joke here. Since I’ve got you in stitches over my last joke, a comedian who is just as funny, Sam Tripoli, will be in the musical chair fight. Sooo….there’s that.
Rods from God is a very sciencey way to kill someone by sending a projectile from a satellite in orbit to a precise location to kill something. Which basically amounts to use using asteroids to kill people no matter what they are hiding in, and that is metal as fuck. There are a bunch of gay dudes now who are saying they acknowledge that they are gay, and they like dudes, but since they know it is wrong they are making their own personal choice to stay with women. They likened it to how someone knows pizza is bad for them and eats a salad instead. The only problem with that strategy, is everyone gets themselves a hot, greasy, meaty and cheesy slice of
dudeballs every now and again, which these dudes probably will. But hey, they aren’t saying God Hates Fags and they aren’t hurting anyone, so Ellis is cool with them. Next up was a new segment that was conceived, constructed and named by Fuck Lord himself, Will Pendarvis. Ever wanted to get rid of shitty gifts you got for Christmas? We all have. In fact, Will threw away the “Fuck Lord” patches that Tully had specially made for him, further strengthening the argument that Will broke Jason’s Ken Block car on PURPOSE and in fact hates everyone. The guys took phone calls from some of the biggest names in Hollywood, and indeed the world, asked them some questions and gave out everyone’s lame Christmas presents. Competent people would have written down or made an effort to remember what impressions we heard, but hey, go fuck yourself.
Next up was World’s Greatest Wednesday: What was the thing about the ’90’s ? Ahhh the ’90’s. Just 20 some odd years ago, and to think I was only in second grade, getting your mom to buy me chocolate milk so I would shave her titties. Anyway, the conversations are always fun, so listen to that shit onDemand if you care. If not, here is the top 9 because I missed what 10 was.
8. Pamela Anderson’s Titties.
5. Tony Hawk’s 900 which made Tony Hawk world-renowned, which ultimately got us the Jason Ellis Show.
4. Michael Jordan
3. Al Bundy
1. Beavis and Butthead
So there you have it, the show ended pretty unceremoniously after that. That being said, I’d like to say thanks for hanging in there all the way to the end. Especially because this will be the last recap I will be writing for the foreseeable future. Life throws shit at you, and you’ve got to react, or in my case, see the shit coming and proactively make changes to keep it out of your teeth. So I won’t have much if any spare time to listen to the show, much less write a recap of it on a regular basis anymore. I did want to take the last part of my last recap to thank the lot of you for being supportive of NYA and all of our nonsense and shenanigans. I have always had a passion for writing and making offensive jokes, and I could not have been luckier than to have found this group of assholes who I consider to be my real ride or die bitches now. Most of all, I’m happy that NYA has brought me closer to a lot of Ellisfam out there, who as we all know is a much bigger entity than the show will ever be. Peace bitches, until next time..