What should I do tonight? Fuck or start a fire? How about both!
It’s Monday, LA is on fire, and Will has not been arrested yet. But will he be indicted? Ellis has his glasses on today so he’s feeling smarter, but he forgot to take his Alpha Brain so it evens out. He’s got a stinging sensation in and on his ass, those roids are flaring up again. When he went to the desert, he had a roid actually come out of his ass, leaving behind all his roid friends who remained inside his ass. Slashing, popping, injecting, gaping, it was full on roid day for Ellis’ ass – and it’s all on video. People are podcasting, man. A lot of podcasting people would love to have a show on Sirius XM, but they don’t. Ellis never really realized that, or maybe he’s just more aware of it now. Maybe the glasses are making him smarter. Dingo kinda wants to see this video of a needle going into Ellis’ roid hanging out of his ass, but he’s unsure if he can handle the whole roid and nothing but the roid. Tully is content with just listening, no roid visuals required. The doctor now knows all about OfficialJasonEllis.com and the show, he’s also expected to become a full Wolfknives member – Dr. Roid Rage possibly. Dingo went to Vegas for a minute this weekend and literally bumped into Chuck Liddell. Drunk Ding squeezed Chuck’s broken broken hand, what a guy! Dingo started getting text messages all morning about the LA fires, which I assume all the texts were from Will like, “Look at what I did!” and “Bring the marshmallows! LOL” Dingo lives in flame district, but he’s all good. Dingo gets proposals from random chicks to live in house and fuck him real good. He even has a stack of brand new toothbrushes for all the random poon that cycles through his crib. Basically, Dingo let’s whores move in for 10 days so he can fuck them for 10 days and then both parties just go their separate ways. Justin Bua got hauled into the studio after recording the next episode of the BUAandJude Show. He stuck around to hear Dingo’s whore stories and then they talked about the Lawlwer Hendricks fight. This spun off into sponsorship talk involving the UFC, a radiator company, CM Punk, and all kinds of shit I won’t bore you with.
Furry sex, Time magazine, another Hilton child, seriously. WTF?
So a “furry” convention was disrupted as an “intentional” gas incident sent 19 freaky-ass plush animal fuckers to the hospital. Which brings up a great point, what’s up with some of the music on Faction? I guess people have been Tweeting Ellis again about several songs being played on Faction and how much they hate it. Punk & emo seem to be the theme of Faction lately. Same shit, different day. Some people like it, some people hate it, and Will’s not reading any survey you may fill out, because he’s a god damned monster! Guess what else though? Time Magazine has issued their list of most influential people of 2014! Remember them? Time? Not the band with Morris Day, but the company who made the magazine old people had a copy of sitting on their coffee table. Anyway, it’s a list of incredibly boring, stupid people, and this is a perfect opportunity to see if Ellis and Dingo know who the hell any of them are. Nope, don’t know any of them. So now is a perfect time for Will to read a few news items, like the guy who was going to be eaten alive by an anaconda. Yeah, he got scurred after he heard it was going to hurt and didn’t get eaten. Did you know there’s a male Hilton child whose name is Barry or Baron or some shit? I didn’t know that, did you? Well Dingo knew that. Score one for Dings.
Watching Nitro Circus or a Mexican stripper show?
Gay porn star Bruno Knight got arrested at LAX with half a pound of meth up his ass, he will be serving two years for that shit and instead will have half a cum of semen up his ass. Trevor Jacob is back in studio, remember him? No? He’s an Olympian, snowboarder, skateboarder, Dingo’s friend, and is in Nitro Circus. If that didn’t jar your memory, than I feel bad for you son, because I got 99 facts but can’t think of more than 1. He talked about how when he crashes doing stunts or whatever, it hurts – go figure. And some days he’s sore, other day’s he’s less sore. He technically works for Travis, so nobody has a lot of sympathy for being in pain in that group – they’re all nuts. He talked about doing a quadruple backflip from a slip-n-slide at Travis’ house. Travis is offering up $10,000 for everyone who went down the slip-n-slide and do a quadruple backflip with no helmets and no goggles, but hey – the EMT is there so it should be cool! Of course Trevor hit his head on the ramp and is concussed but still tries to go for the backflip and collect his $10 grand. He also went skydiving naked and would totally have sex in the air if he could. He also was on the back of Polaris and did a big jump, just hanging on, being all Nitro Circusy and stuff. Basically, this dude is doing shit on a daily basis, waiting for his next ride in an ambulance. He showed the guys several clips from the upcoming Nitro Circus movie, full of flips, tricks, noggin jarring crashes, and more.
Burt Reynolds swears he isn’t broke, yet he’s got an awful lot of shit currently at auction houses. Like custom Burt Reynolds wooden coat hangers, an old American Express credit card, a rolodex, and even the god damned Thunderchicken car from Smokey & The Bandit! What up with that, Burt? Granted most of it is garbage, but come on man, the car too? North Korea’s past and present supreme leaders trivia time! I don’t remember all of it, but basically think of the most insane shit you could possibly have enter your head, and you’ve got exactly what the various Kim Jong’s are famously known for in their own country. Burgers? Kim invented that shit. Shitty movie? Kim had it made better. Hungry, Kim invented food and chewing. Several of these facts totally bamboozled Ellis and Ding, and probably the rest of the world because I mean, most of this shit is so incredibly unbelievable, it makes your lying-ass child look like the world’s most honest person on the planet. Speaking of liars, TJ Lavin sent in some music for the guys to check out for unsigned bands or something. Also, I don’t know why I just called TJ Lavin a liar, maybe I’m just projecting, because I am not aware of his current lying status or lying habits. Turns out the green room has been holding back some unsigned bands and who knows, there could be the next new big hit hiding among those tracks. But probably not.
That’s how you know it’s gonna be good.