Show Re-cap for Thursday 8/8/2013

photo (6)Everybody knows that when your a kid you don’t fuck with a man. Because he pays taxes and has hair loss and probably a wife that nags him about stupid shit all the time and you don’t fuck with a guy like that. Ellis is having trash can issues with some guy who parked and moved the the trash can so the trash guy can’t get it and started arguing with Ellis about it making everybody in Hollywood look like an asshole. He stepped down before he got free reconstructive facial manipulation and then Ellis started thinking about the situation and how the whole thing was stupid and possibly dangerous. They talked about parking woes for a while. I live in Phoenix, the only parking issues we have here is parking close enough to get into the building before dying of heat exhaustion. Mike Jasper is going to be staying with Ellis and I’m not sure why but this weekend he’s going to take the kids to Lego Land! Kids fucking love Lego’s, almost as much as Linsanity loves stairs. Ellis talked about that Giggles And Hugs place and how it’s perfect for Tully’s kid. Tully talked about how he was on Balboa Peninsula boardwalk and it reminded him of the Jersey Boardwalk only shittier and with lots of rich white guys, old money types with monocles and canes. Rawdog recalled a cherished memory of a family vacation where his dad and step mom argued the entire time. Ellis talked about how he went to a friends house when he was a kid and was blown away that he had Coca-Cola in his fridge! I know, crazy right!?! Cereal in Australia is all boring and shitty too, they don’t even have cereal with crappy little marshmallows in them. Australia, am I right! Burger got her vagina removed yesterday and is bummed, rightly so. Rawdog mentioned that there will soon be genetically modified grapes that taste like cotton candy, what the fuck was wrong with grapes to begin with? Ellis sold his totomotoboatosaki to his ex-brother in law because he hardly uses it anymore and doesn’t see paying for storage if he’s not using it. They talked about how hard some entertainers shuffle to get to the top and stay there and those that don’t, and celebrities that became famous against their will like that tennis dude that partied and played high as fuck.

Because Bing said so!

Because Bing said so!

In Aussie News a sexting scandal involving the head of the Queensland parliament’s ethics committee, Peter Dowling, was ratted out by his mistress. He sent texts and photos of his junk including a shot of his jimmy in a glass of red wine. Mike Jasper (@stujasperMMA) joined the guys in the studio to talk about dead celebrities and decide whether they are in heaven or hell. They started off with Biggie Smalls, he’s in hell because he sold crack to pregnant ladies and kids. And hit Mary J. Blige. JFK is in heaven because he was a sweet president dude who nailed Marilyn Monroe and hung out with the Rat Pack and told Germans he was a jelly doughnut. Kurt Cobain is in hell because he was on smack and killed himself leaving his child with Courtney Love, that heartless bastard. Michael Jackson is in hell according to Jason because of the drugs and leaving the kids thing, but on second thought, he can go to heaven because he probably didn’t mean to. Chris Farley is in heaven, he only hurt himself and didn’t have kids and Jesus really likes the “van by the river” skit. Johnny cash is in hell because he wants to be in hell, Reddragons! Catherine The Great is in heaven because of the shitty horse fucking rumor and its only right. Steve Erwin is in heaven but that mother fuckin stingray is in hell. John Lennon, even though he was a shitty dad, he did pass on a good message to millions so he’s in heaven.

In Shark News they played a news clip of a shark attack off garden island Australia. The

need a hand?

need a hand?

dude was attacked by a Bull Shark and lost his land and leg. I can’t find the attack video but I did find this! Some sports channel is going to start calling the Washington Redskins the Washington football team because a bunch of Indians are upset and think it’s racist. The feather Indians, not the dot Indians. A gay teacher at a catholic girls school got fired after he got married and the kids signed a petition to get him back. A dude in Malibu has a 19 acre ranch with 5 Siberian Tigers in a full enclosure and his asshole neighbors are petitioning that he get rid of them. I bet he lives near Rob Zombie.

Do you want to sing with Death!Death!Die! on Friday night before EllisMania 9? Then on Instagram record yourself singing along to a DDD or Taintstick track and hashtag it EllisMania9 and mention @wolfmate. Lady Gaga did a video practicing the Abramovic Method, but more importantly, she gets naked. Rhonda Rousey is going to be in The Expendables 3 and now it’s reported that she’ll also be in The Fast And Furious 7. Rumors are still not confirmed about her role in Sharknado 2. Robbie Keneval got arrested for a DUI in his motor home. They say he crashed into a couple other motor homes, I say he was trying to jump them drunk off his balls like a true champion! The final calls were a bust and somehow with the most preparation possible, the talk out was still a cluster fuck of retardetry. The only thing more retarded than the final callers was yer mums prom date, tell yer dad I said hi, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Friday 8/2/2013

Welcome to the recap live from the Staple Center and the X-Games! Okay, you’re not really at the Staple Center and this recap isn’t live but who gives a fuck, it’s Friday. Remember that time Tully almost killed Johnny Moseley (1) at his first X-Games by driving on the wrong side of the road? Tully does, and Johnny probably does too. Be prepared folks, that’s only the first of many many name drops today. Bob Burquist (2) did some gnarly trick and broke his nose or something, ask Tony Hawk (3), he was there. Elliot photo (5)Sloan (4) did a golden 720 pipe grab and won whatever he was in. Ramona Brewland (5), Jake Brown (6), Mitchie Brusko (7), and Jagger Eaton (8) to also namedrop a few. Ellis took a ride in Ken Block’s (9) car today and if you were looking forward too Ellis’s go pro video then your shit out of luck. But the other guys in Ken’s crew took care of it so you’re back in shit luck. Speaking of shit, Nick Swardson (10) almost crapped himself, not on purpose this time. I guess he was a bit scared to ride in a $750,000 death machine. Pussy. Last night Tully went and saw Joan Jett, Rawdog went to a comedy show, and Dingo was texting Ellis how great of a time he’s having and that he should be there instead of going to bed. Josh Hansen (11) took gold in Best Whip and Twitch (12) took second and that one chick went home because boys don’t play fair. Ellis talked about the movie he watched about Nazis and Jews and drugs and Robocop and giant alien bugs and a girl with three boobs. Wolfknife Cat Bathtub, who works for the X-Games, stopped by and reminisced about the days Ellis was a contestant and how pleasant it was to work with him.

In Aussie News a defense attorney warns that there may someday be an infiltration of shitty poorer countries because Australia is so sweet. Speaking of Aussie News, the club that Dingo went to had a live kangaroo, the club that he didn’t invite Ellis to. But he did invite Ellis to the kangaroo less club tonight, but who the fuck wants to go to a club that doesn’t have a kangaroo! I guess this party was done by some big shoe designer friend of Dingos. Tony Hawk twittered a video of a police officer hitting a kid with his car intentionally, allegedly. Elliot Sloan won the Mega Ramp. The entire thing, he’s gonna have a hell of a time getting it home. Cue the snare drum and symbol. Then they stared talking about the UFC Tito, Rampage, Dana, Bellator, live from the X-Games in the Staple Center. Josh Hanson and Twitch took a moment from their practice to hang out and talk moto and shitty penis tattoos. And balls, moto dudes and moto announcers love to talk about balls! Hanson thinks the one chick has a tidy ass but not the other chick, he doesn’t know about that other girls ass. They all talked a lot and on top of each other but it was entertaining as fuck.

Jack Whites ex wife filed a restraining order against him because she’s a cunt and he’s an asshole. The guys took a few calls and they sounded like shit. Not because of the constant revving of the dirt bikes but because the callers suck. Some lady with cows thinks aliens cut off their tits and did burn outs in her pasture. A 22 yer old Missouri man is the first person to be proven to be turned on by farts. Back to the live X-Games practice coverage. A dude on a gold bike did this one trick and did awesome then stalled it. Another dude did this one thing that kicked ass. One guy on an orange bike got laughed at, and everything sounds like farts. Shawn Malto (13) stood the guys up like the hot chick on high school that you finally got the nerve to ask out and meet up at the pizzeria and you wait there all night until they close and she never shows up only to tell you the next day that she forgot. Bitch.

Maricopa County is the hotspot for an outbreak of bloody diarrhea. The eleven people that have been admitted all know each other. Josh thinks they were using glass dildos way too roughly and as everyone knows, rigorous masturbation with a glass dildo can be dangerous. Ronnie Renner (14) joined the dildo discussion. He is competing in the Step Up competition, which I picture is something like Super Mario on a motorbike. Surprisingly enough they didn’t talk about moto. Okay I’m lying, they only talked about moto. Even the part about his kids and finishing early, still moto talk. Except when they talked about surfing which was equally exciting.

Breaking news, the bloody diarrhea has been tracked to the Fredericos in Litchfield Park. If you have eaten at this restaurant and are now shitting blood (shitting blood is metal) please call the authorities immediately. Thank you for reading today’s recap live from the Staple Center and the X-Games, I have a phone call to make. Tell yer mum I’ll see her later, OH no!

Show Re-cap for Friday 7/19/2013

Image

Holy shit fuck it’s Friday again and you know what that means, I’m probably drunk and you should be too! Rawdog seemed strangely quiet today, almost like he wasn’t there. Almost like he was somewhere else. Almost like he took a day off to fly to Chicago for the weekend to score some weed and listen to shitty music at a shitty music festival. But calm yourselves because the show must go on and it did. Ellis texted Gay Breudiger to confirm their fight at Ellismania and Gabe replied with, “yup, what’s the date?” Comedy genius! When Ellis was parking today he confronted some jack wagon that took his spot and while delivering a verbal ground n pound a fan came by and said what’s up and asked for an autograph. Must be nice being a superstar. The conversation circled back to the fight controversy of EllisMania 8 and how things might be now. Ellis really hopes that Gabe is better and it goes all three rounds. BREAKING NEWS! Executive producer, The Huntington Beach Bad Boy, just brought in Corey Mother Fuckin Taylor! And what else images (8)does Corey Mother Fuckin Taylor want to talk about? Nothing other than coffee and ghosts, but mostly ghosts. Like the time he saw a ghost in his room dressed in a tuxedo and how he tried to chase the ghost butt ass naked with his wang a swingin. Then he talked about some schoolhouse that has ghosts in it and how there were file cabinets and toy cars. Gives me chills just thinking about it. He also talked about being famous and getting recognized but mostly strange people who don’t have a fucking clue who he is just spark up conversations with him. Ellis has had similar experiences like the time a dude at a gas station looked right at Jason and grabbed his dick. Tully told his ghost stories and how his crazy neighbor told him that the noises are real but it is Tully and his mental fortitude (that might be the wrong word but it sounds good) that is making those sounds that he hears. Then they talked about UFOs, anal probes, and microscopic aliens. Apparently Tully’s wife sees ghosts, but the ghost looks just like Tully so thats probably his brain making that happen to, or his wife might be crazy, but she’s a woman, no women are crazy, right? Oh and Corey Mother Fuckin Taylor told the story of how he got pushed down the stairs by a ghost while holding his son. Spooky and a dick move!

While Corey Mother Fuckin Taylor was in studio they did Unsigned bands agian, here is my take on them.

Jayare Leos-good music shitty vocals.
Cassette Coast-best rap about TJES I’ve ever heard.
Brave Serenade-while listening to this I suddenly remembered to change my tampon.
Finger Blast-the line “text and drive, I don’t give a fuck, that’s why I have insurance and a lid on my cup” had me sold.
A Minor Revolution-it’s punk and sounds like punk so I guess it’s alright.
Wad-shitty in a hilarious way.
Mc Fee-scattered with dubstep like shit being smacked with a tennis racket.
Fallen saint-this scares me, this guy kicks puppies.
Whiskey dick-first line, “if you loved me you’d help me hide this body” and ladies and gentleman we have a winner!
Seeking Apollo-gay, gaytastic, incredigay, gayriffic.
Danny Darko and something something but fuck it, it sucks anyway.
Finally Milkweek with Fecal Weapon-It’s good, really good, best song about shit I’ve ever heard.coreytaylor9243_photo_gal_all_photo_1208355357_lr

Corey Mother Fuckin Taylor’s book, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Heaven Or How I Made Peace With The Paranormal And Stigmatized Zealots And Cynics In The Process, available at Amazon.com also available in an audio version in case you can’t read. See what I just did there? That’s ironic comedy, good shit.

Theres a video of an awkward rave that is actually a party at BroneyCon but fuck that, watch this instead. The Huntington Beach Bad Boy talked to Corey Mother Fuckin Taylor about the lyrics about pushing his fingers in his eyes and if he really did that. His answer was no, he does however put them into the corner of his eyes to apply pressure to his sinuses. The thing stranger than this question is the fact that this is a common question that Corey Mother Fuckin Taylor gets! Hollywood News time, Andy Dick, some dude from Oasis, Elvis Presley, James Brown, my balls, Kanye West, get em, bla bla bla.

Duane Wade’s wife has a meltdown outside a Chicago court because she is bat shit crazy and wants more money. Larry Linkogle of The Metal Mulisha wrote a book, Mind of the Demon: A Memoir of Motocross, Madness, and the Metal Mulisha, also Available on 2aAmazon.com. An Oklahoma lady threatened her neighbor with a knife because she thinks he told everyone that she fucked her cat, which she claims she did. A church in the Czech Republic is decorated with human bones. That’s metal as fuck! A man with 10 stone 140 pound balls had a 13 hour procedure to get his normal balls back but being the dick that God is, his dick is now only one inch long. Kids are pansy asses these days. Can’t even handle a simple decapitation and cannibalism. Back in the day fish suicides were the regular. But if your kid isn’t a pussy and kicks asses for no reason the only solution is to move with him to the mountains and raise him either till you break him or he becomes one with a wolf pack. Or therapy but you don’t get to wear the furs of your kills in therapy. A woman in Louisiana got hit by lightning inside a grocery store. Today’s public service announcement, small town cops are dickheads, city cops are too but don’t have time for your piddly ass shit. Did you hear the one about the jogger who kept shitting in someones yard? Well I got one better, here’s the video. That’s all for me today, I gotta run and make sure yer mum is ready for the rodeo tonight, OH!oJZFyaz

EllisFam Interviews

I have asked for the EllisFam to do a small 8 question interview so that we may get to know one another and how The Jason Ellis Show has changed or impacted our lives. These are their reply’s, unedited and all in their own words. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do, and thank you to everyone who participated. Without you all this wouldn’t be possible.

yako (@truckeryako)

  1. Where do you live? A small town in Saskatchewan. Farm country, but close to a huge forest.
  2. What is your occupation? Truck Driver/Farm Equipment Operator/Heavy Equipment Operator
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. 34. single. work 70-80 hours a week (working right now). like hunting, fishing, camping, quadding, shooting things, diesel engines, taking things apart to see how they work. Love my family. I have the same close friends from childhood. Read 150 books a year. Building towards living in a log house with a woodstove and a laptop. Getting closer….
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? been listening since June of 2009. Convert from shade45. Only missed a dozen shows since then.
  5. How did you discover TJES? listening to faction
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? its like hanging out with your friends every day. Really cool friends.
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How?yes. I’ve always been aware that life is short and to make the most of every day. Ellis hammers that home by sharing his life with us. I’m eating super healthy and losing weight. Trying to be a better person. I was depressed for a lot of my 20’s, it feels good to laugh again.
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? looking forward to meeting Ellisfam at ELLISMANIA 9

WolfKisser (@Wolfman812)

  1. Where do you live? My name is Tim, I live in Southwestern Indiana.
  2. What is your occupation? My job basically consists of me tellin people what to do. True to stereotype, I am quite the opposite in the bedroom. (Blame that overshare on Jason…for using the word ‘submission’ twice).  No, really, my job is all about making very rich men happy.  You guessed it…Executive Restroom Glory Hole Attendant.
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. I’m married and have an 11yr old son, and two daughters, 6 & 2.  I play softball on a team that I also coach. I earned the nickname “Wolfman” in high school for my personality change during athletic or competitive endeavors. I am normally a very laid back, mellow kind of fellow…but meet me in competition and I will destroy you. When that cheesedick Al Gore invented the internet, Wolfman became my cyber handle…the 812 representing my area code.  I will also answer to Wolf or Wolfy.  Yeah, I make jokes and embrace sarcasm and vulgarity. If you don’t like me, then fuck you…in the nicest way possible. Growing up a poor kid in Indiana, there weren’t many entertainment options. But one luxury I did have was access to my older cousin’s skater magazines, which led to my fascination with the world of skateboarding.  I tried, but I couldn’t do jack shit on a skateboard. So I had huge respect for those guys that could. Eventually the lion’s share of that respect went to this lanky California kid that was just blowin people away.  It was through following Tony Hawk’s career that I discovered this loudmouthed, cocky Australian kid that didn’t quite score as good as the top guys, but other than Tony, his were the runs I wanted to see most…the few times I could actually view an event anyway (yeah, Indiana kinda sucks).  He just skated differently than everybody else. And his air was outrageous. But he bailed alot and didn’t make too many finals it seemed.
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? Around 1999-2000,  Ellis was part of the Tony Hawk Gigantic Skatepark Tour. He tried to steal the show every time he was in front of the camera…and for the most part…succeeded. He would do some crazy ass somethin or other every time they skated too, like hanging from the rafters and dropping in….often ending in pain.  As far as I’m concerned, he was one of the original ‘Jackass’ type guys.  I had no idea that he was just as fucked up from childhood BS and substance dependant as I was at the time.  This is when I first fell in love with the character that is EllisMate.
  5. How did you discover TJES? It was also through Tony Hawk that I discovered the radio Ellis, on Demolition Radio.  Once again, stealing the show from the softer spoken Tony, and Jesse Fritsch…and learning how to run the board.  But then personal issues forced me to abandon the satellite radio and I missed how he got from there to Octane, and then to TJES.  As luck would have it, I started a new job in the summer of 2005, and one of the perks was free satellite radio in the company vehicles.  Of course I found out where Ellis was.  I did miss many of the night shows, but have been a regular listener since it went back to days, and haven’t missed but a few hours since the launch of the Sirius app.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? We all listen to the show for the same basic reason…it’s funny as fuck.  Ellis is the undisputed heavyweight champion, he can knock you out laughin with crazy stories and the way he speaks and thinks.  But for me, the show’s secret weapon is Michael Leonard Tully.  A quick jab, body shot artist…stick and move intelligent humor that can come at anytime.  He makes me laugh more often than…well, anyone…ever.  And then there is our little buddy Rawdog…the perfect ring card girl. haha  He irritates the shit outta me quite often, but witnessing his progression into an invaluable show fixture as well as his personal growth has been priceless. I got to meet the guys in Las Vegas this year at Ellismania 8.  First, Rawdog, who looked very lost and allowed us to escort him to the Wolfknives meeting…then Ellis, then Tully.  Ellis interviewed me and gave me the name WolfKisser as my Wolfknives member name.  I was very nervous and quite inebriated.  He questioned why I was called Wolfman and when I referenced a Metallica song, I was met with a blank stare.  Slightly panicked, I began telling him how much I adore him…thus, WolfKisser.  I insisted on kneeling as I was knighted into the Wolfknives, and the moment ended with a very warm embrace, awkward whispers and touching, words of encouragement, and a great picture.  I then shook hands with Tully, and while freaking the fuck out to be in his presence, said either “thank you” or “I love you” and walked away before the weakness in my knees put me on the ground.  I’m still so pissed at myself for not taking some stuff to be signed.  I hope to get another chance someday. As all of the true Ellisfam have experienced, this lil ol radio show can be much more than that if you want.  The more you listen, the more you care about these guys and what they have to say.  It becomes a part of you.  You embrace it and eventually seek out other like-minded fans to share the experience with.  Ellis and Tully have long promoted social media, beginning with myspace and now dominated by twitter.  So though I fought it for many years, I finally joined twitter and started following Ellis, and then eventually everyone else associated with the show, regular guests, and Ellisfam that had been mentioned or had fought at Ellismania.  It was awhile before I started following any other Ellisfam…and even then it was only people that were mentioned by who I was already following, or had intelligent/witty tweets to Ellis or Tully.  Even to this day, I really only follow hardcore Ellisfam. (hardcore meaning regular daily listeners that have also accepted the lifestyle)  I have no issue befriending newer listeners that wish to be part of Ellisfam, but ya gotta display some commitment to that end.  And if you don’t know…ask…don’t try to fake it.  Veteran Ellisfam see right through that shit.  Just keep in mind that there are many people that were here before you…be respectful…make sure they know you’re good people before ya start callin em cunts…if not, be prepared for some verbal legkicks.  But, by all means, have fun with it.  Outsiders may not get you…but Ellisfam does.
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? A lot of people will credit The Jason Ellis Show for providing them with what I refer to as SMILE.  Support. Motivation. Inspiration. Laughter. Entertainment.  And there is a lot of truth in that for me as well.  But, honestly, I get so much more of that from Ellisfam.  So, to answer the question of how the show has changed my life…I simply point to the fact that the show introduced me to the community known as Ellisfam.  That communal feel was something that was sorely lacking from my life.  So to you Ellisfam out there…I wish to express my sincerest gratitude for helping with my SMILE, and for allowing me the opportunity to SMILE back at you.
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? I would like to give a special thanks to @AZ_RedDragon & the man that started this website…@bitPimps.  This was a great idea, and I Iike where you are headed with it.  I can’t wait to see what you still have up your sleeves!
Love Always & Often,
@Wolfman812
aka WolfKisser
If you would like to be apart of the EllisFam Interviews, please contact me (@Az_RedDragon) through twitter and I will send the interview to you.

A Collaborative Twitter Story – Round Two

This is a second installment of A Collaborative Twitter Story, where users help keep the story going by adding to it. Hopefully, eventually, we end up with a nice little cohesive story that helps ruin whatever is good inside of you. I’ve crossed out the comments that came in, but didn’t fit in with the current story position. It’s really hard to keep a story flowing and everyone on the same page when you consider how people can be posting a reply to the same line, at the same time. So without further ado, let’s see if this story fared any better than the last one.

@bitPimps So we’re at this Guns N Roses concert when I noticed…

@mike_in_canada …how fast Axl is now. That reminds me, I could use a…

@Wolfman812 …that I had a raging case of priaprism…

@AZ_RedDragon …beer and some smoke, I wandered to the tents where I met…

@RedJammieGirl …up with @Hollow_NorCal who was desperately still searching for midgets who…

@thegooser …that there was more pairs of sexy depends then Id like to admit…

@sharkchucker …the road crew plowing some slam-pigs for backstage passes when i said…

@mike_in_canada …any of you guys down for a threesome? I’m great at…

@AZ_RedDragon …the “asian whirly bird.” What? You’ve never heard of it, its where you…

@sharkchucker …put on a clown suit and fist a…

@bitPimps …Korean nun, the only problem was I only knew of one Korean, @herro_amy but she was…

@thegooser …doing the pterodactyl to the sound guys but…

@AZ_RedDragon …its where you dress like a Geisha and bow to your suitors, after which they…

@sharkchucker …busy shooting Axl up with smack. So I thought…

@bwstrangler …nows my time to take him out, blame it on the drugs but he…

@bitPimps …I didn’t care, because I had the biggest erection from all the…

@sharkchucker …naked midget’s in paper hats serving hot…

@bitPimps …bowls of vomit and shit. At the end of the night, we said our goodbyes and…

@thegooser …exchanged depend sizes because they were fucking…

@bitPimps …loaded down with shit, piss, blood, and cum. It was a night none of us would forget. Then GNR left. TheEnd