What else do we do on a Wednesday, but pass the doobie to the left, your mom to the right, and listen the The Jason Ellis Show. And we do this with a passion! Similar to the passion that Jason reminds us we must have in order to achieve greatness. If you wanna be the best at something, pound for pound, you have to get so good that it becomes boring, and then get better than that. Yes that pound for pound line means @TheDingoInSnow joined the show today to riff, starting with last night’s bad ass Machine Head and Deathclock show. Were you there? Ellis almost wasn’t, but you know he knows a guy who knows a guy, and in the backdoor Ellismate went, laminated pass and all. He made it backstage and chilled out on some couch, only to see Robb Flynn near by. Ellis got to hang with the band, and Rob was a good host, hooking Ellismate up with something that remains unkown. Apparently the bassist Adam is a big fan of Ellismania, as he gave a ‘Fuck Yeah’ after confirming Ellis did in fact set up a fight with Dave Mirra, and Adam also offered to be in an upcoming event! Of course it can’t all go perfectly, as the drummer is apparently sponsored by Yamaha, and he will have to live with that every day of his life. While the band was performing, Ellis made his way into the Mosh Pit for the last song in the set, Halo (Which Ellismate got a shoutout from the band, and totally missed it – Rawdog caught it though). All in all a bad ass night, and shoutout to EllisFam Butterballs and FonzoBlunt who were mentioned at the show as well. Oh and as for the bitches, Rawdog reports there are quite a few but mostly there with dudes. Ellis said he saw more than enough hotties that were single, and Tully reminds us that all women are single, some just more than others! Ellismate has also been finding it hard to rap, for his upcoming rap debut for Death! Death! Die! He also finds it hard to believe that Phil Anselmo is racist as some have alleged. It sounds like he isn’t racist, just Pro White. Did you know that only 45 murders occurred in Canada in 2011, per Rawdog per Twitter, so you know its true. We then listened to some bullshit lists on which country has the most murder. On all these lists, the US was way down, which could be true but seemed hard to believe. Of course none of that was as hard to believe as when Dingo found out that a turtle shits its dick out, a snake has two dicks, and a chameleon has two dicks that change color, but you already knew that didn’t ya smart guy!
Is Yoko Ono trying to fuck over the world, or just the gay scene on West Hollywood? Whatever she’s doing, she sparked a heated debate between Dingo/Rawdog and Ellis/Tully about who would wear her crazy shit. Dingo tried to imply the gay scene would, which offended Tully to no end, almost to the brink of leaving the show, until he saw this video from Yoko Ono back in 1967 that just made it all better. So what does it mean when you have a dream about your teeth falling out or crumbling? How the fuck should I know……..that Harry Connick Jr. isn’t a racist, but Australia is and is not afraid to show it! Just like the ol’ nursery rhyme goes “Catch a
nigga/tiger by the toe, if he hollers let him go”, and you can see the difference between the Australian/American versions, hmmm. Onto where its not racist, Hollywood and our favorite segment, Hollywood News. Steven Tyler and Nicki Minaj are having a twitter battle over Bob Dylan and racism. Red Dragons to all of the Ellis Show and Dingo too for not having a clue as to who was on the panel of American Idol, even Rawdog didn’t know!
Moving right along, Adam Levine says The Roxy can just fuck off as far as he’s concerned. In other Hollywood News, comedian Katt Williams led police on a chase while getting 3 wheel motion the whole time. The fat chic from Precious (Mo’Nique) lost almost 200 pounds, and looks more and more like 50 Cent each day. And last but certainly not least, if you have an extra $600K laying around, and your in the Hollywood Hills area, check this plot of land out being sold by Jack Nicholson, get it up ya!
Joanna Angel stopped by the show, and I think we all know why. Before we get to that, and some other fun shit, Ellis had to call her out for being on some other douches podcast. Some Neil Strauss homo who has a maid and whore d’oeuvres, what a poser. In fairness to Joanna, her and Ellismate weren’t clear on their radio monogamy. That also reminded Joanna of her advice to Rawdog the last time she was in the studio, you know the “Don’t you cum yet” advice, only to find out if either ruined Josh’s relationship (since it ended), or she just wasted her wisdom. Turns out it wasn’t either, Josh did his own doing with regards to it ending and Ellismate took the advice home with him, and it worked like a champ! Now onto the real business at hand, The Reckoning. Joanna will be dancing that night prior to the big event. She’s planning to wear a sexy devilish outfit, to go with Rawdog’s brides maid attire. Oh and Dingo volunteered to cup Rawdog’s balls, what a guy. Joanna also took the time to offer advice to Rawdog, since she too has a small throat and
Blaht a gag reflex. She told him to drink some tea the night before, and that he could get some numbing spray (though unessecary), and most important he needs to enjoy it. Josh was also reminded that vomit is just nature’s lube. If you can make it on December 15th to Cheetah’s for ‘The Reckoning’, what the fuck are you still doing here reading this shit? So naturally with Joanna in the studio, and this event taking place at a strip club, it only could lead to one idea…..Lap Dance Off. After about 15 minutes of on air setup, and stories of Tully stiffing strippers on lap dances, we got to business. 5 contestants for this consisting of Ellis, Rawdog, Tully, Dingo and Cumtard (Jizz Cult was to be included, but we just fucking forgot ok). Each took one turn giving a blindfolded Joanna the lap dance of her nightmares. Dingo went first, and followed the ‘No Touch’ club rules for his dance, which just didn’t score well for him or her. Second was Rawdog, and from the sounds of it he did a damn good job, simulating a BJ and all that shit. Tully was up third, and just went bonkers with some crazy high energy raviging of Joanna. The Wing took the 4th try, and basically just choked her out n shit. Cumtard was 5th and final, and went bare ass for his dance, rubbing said ass all over poor Joanna. All in all it was a good effort, but Joanna wouldn’t be frequenting this club much after today. She did omit that Ellismate and his barbarian tactics were the best of the group!
Having trouble selling your car on ebay? How about whoring your daughter for a few pictures to help seal the deal like this dude did. Do you know how much it costs to book Creed for an appearence? $150K damn it. Despite Dingo calling extreme bullshit on this, it may be true says Cumtard and this article from yourmom.com. Then we were told Kevin Federline gets $300K for an appearence, and this just pissed DIngo off to no end, throwing Monster Energy cans across the room and shit. Ellis said there have been talks he may have some appearences coming up soon. Of course he’ll be looking at more like Tony Yayo money, $7k per appearence. They then talked about celebrity rider’s too, mentioning Mariah Carey requiring a person on hand to take her chewed gum, and that DMX must have 3 boxes of rubbers and a bottle of Hennessy, Red Dragons! Speaking of Red Dragons, Joanna was informed the video of her screaming that phrase is the #1 video on Ellismania.com, prompting Tully to offer a suggestion for the sequel = Rawdog. Serisouly, Josh to be in the movie, but with a body double for the sex scenes. He can make his Bruce Willis face n dirty robot talk, and then splice in some other dude banging Joanna, and Bob’s your uncle. The body double of course would be hung like a Clydesdale, but thats a different story. Then we were witness to a contest between Dingo and Ellis, to see who knows anyhting about Arkansas. We got nothing, I mean its in Atlanta, and in the top right of America, near Masachusettes or maybe Wisconsin. Look, Ellis n Dingo got street smarts. “We draw pictures” and “Spell with our fists” so fuck off! On a serious note, if you got a few extra bucks to help, you can bid on a day with The Jason Ellis Show and help SiriusXM fight hunger. Unfortuantely you can’t bid on a day with your mom, cause she is currently obsessed with trying to #fucktully, maybe next year!