Show Re-cap for Friday 4/5/2013

Happy BallsMy balls are awesome, they’re beautiful, they’re happy, and my balls are always bouncing
to the left and to the right, it’s my belief that my big balls should be held every night. Will loves the show like a child he hates who shits all over everything. Which pretty much means that given the chance, Will would drive all of us into a lake with the doors and windows locked because he loves us so very much. Rawdogs hair is getting better, Jason and Tully decided that it needs to be messy on purpose but not messy because he’s a fucking slob. If he does that then it will be garunteed that he’ll get laid. That or just do seven minutes on Ridiculousness, bitches love Ridiculousness. Speaking of Rawdog on TV, he wants to be on it but not do TV stuff. This brought up the discussion of TJES having its own television show. It wouldn’t just be  aTV version of the radio show like Howard does because that shits been done to death. It would be more of a skit/radio show/whatever the fuck they want show. Most of this time was being used to think of bits to do. And don’t forget to go to Cuteness.com and vote for Ellis and Burger in their cutest celebrity pet contest. (Click the link, trust me)

In Pot News, for the first time ever the majority of Americans think pot should be legal. Also in related news, umm, wait, what was I talking about. I feel like having some nachos. Tully brought back the Men Am I Right segment and a farmer misspelled his girlfriends name,shark stupid man when he cut a marriage proposal into his crops. A man reported an explosion in his home, he wanted to have a nice relaxing hot have so naturally he heated up his can of shaving cream on the stove. A man shot his girlfriend, kinda. She was preheating his oven and she didn’t know that’s where he stored the clip and bullets to his .45. I still blame the woman for that one, she should know that a dude isn’t going to use the stove for cooking, stupid girl. Then some super gross dude made a bar book where all the recipes includes semen. In the UK a man was driving erratically and then he was pulled over, not for drinking or anything like that, but for rockin the drum and bass. The dude was rocking out so hard that he was in the zone! And the winner of today’s segment is a man who was arrested for the 50th time, but this time he was arrested for stealing booze and giving away shots to people in the park.

Benji+MaddenBestie McBestington, aka Benji Madden came into the Swinghouse today. Apparently his recording session was delayed so he graced us with his presence. They talked about how much they respect and appreciate women, baking, motivation in the workplace, and the satisfaction of a job well done. Benji also talked about being the old guy in music production and how its hard to realize that all this stupid new stuff is kinda the same stupid new stuff that we liked when we were young. Then they talked about being on reality TV but he would only be on for music related stuff like The Voice. Benjis brother Joel is nominated for a loogie in Australia for his work on Australias The Voice TV show. And that’s all I have to say about that.

On to the Blowgies! A super gay competition with some super not gay contenders. The object of this competion is for two guys to give the most seductive, most loving, and most sexy blowjob to the big dicked rollerblader that they can while being judged by Foxxy (@Foxxy702), Eva Lovia (@MissEvaLovia), and Alice March (@alicemarchxxx). Long time listener, Fuck You Dude was the first contender and after slobbing knob like a seasoned veteran he got an impressive score of 20 out of 30. Perry was up next, it was expected that he wouldn’t be able to compete with FYD’s incredible fellatio skills but with some dick to face slapping and remembering to work the balls he came out with an amazing score of 25 out of 30! In the end Perry left with the title of best straight guy blow job on a mannequin dick.

“If she’s not winning watches then she’s not doing it right!” – A porn star

Wesley Snipes is back in society to continue his battle against vampires and space ship hijacking replicants. Something about Halle Berry. The Game ate at some restaurant and tweeted that he tipped the waiter six grand but lied. Busta Rhymes got into a fight over a cheeseburger. Titty. Joel Madden has great new hair cut. It’s rumored that Will and Jayda Pinkett Smith have an open marriage, but she said no and then said Will can do whatever he wants, like a boss. Snoop Lions record is coming out, in case you need something to waste your money on and burning it has become boring. Unsigned bands will be back next week. If you want you band to be shit on just send an MP3 to Ellisparodies@gmail.comIMG_9237

Final Calls were with only Ellis, everybody bailed to go find some hookers and coke for the weekend. Here are some of the things we learned during Final Calls today. When you walk in on your boss jackin his dick, leave and pretend nothing happened. Ellis is going to Nuculear Cowboys on Saturday, but if you see him and his kids don’t say fuck, shit, pussy, ass, cock, damn, piss, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, or hell yeah in front of Ellis’s kids. If your a pill head that can’t poop try snorting Metamucil, that shit will get your shit flowing fo-sho! A grown ass man should be able to piss all over his room if he wants. Ellismania on hold for now while Ellis gets things reorganized and calmed down. He wants to make sure everything is done right and the only way to do that is to do it himself. And the last thing we learned today is that the best way to get over a girl is to get under a new one. Unless the new girl is yer mum, never ever ever get under yer mum, it’s like the Bermuda Triangle of flesh and tits and hair, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 1/23/2013

Fucking Yamaha, I knew it!

Fucking Yamaha, I knew it!

What else would The Wing wanna do on a Wednesday, but ride a bull and be a cowboy.  Oh, and of course shout out to the man, the myth, the ledge Chad Reed…who’s currently in 3rd place overall, just ahead of TotoMotoPoto and Dungey.  Of course its gotta be due to his sabotage tactics, reminiscent of the Cold War or any 80’s movie.  He better have that shit handy if he ever faces Spider Man at next year’s A-1, that dudes got skills.  Death! Death! Die! got skills too, and laid down a fresh track last night, didn’t get to hear it yet, but were all wet with anticipation!  Of course the real task was reading Shoebox’s graffiti lyric sheet.  That reminds me, FUCK Revolver Magazine, and the Dallas Cowboys while were at it!  Just please never trust an awards show, or a Canadian who lives in -41 degree weather, again!  That goes for Beyonce too, stupid Milli Vanilli acting bitch.  Also, don’t trust anyone who owns an automatic weapon, but isn’t cool with them being banned or controlled, or some sketchy shit like that.  More gun talk, and some video of a dude who says kids won’t be allowed to own turtles if we ban assault rifles, but I couldn’t find it and it wasn’t that riveting.

 

 

Happy BDay Tully's Mom!

Happy BDay Tully’s Mom!

Hollywood News is always riveting, and so is Johnny Deep’s ex girl friend, who’s fucking some new chic, yup!  Arnold is more interested in fucking his old chic, lizard lips.  Speaking of Arnold, turns out Rawdog saw The Last Stand recently, and said it was damn good despite his gut going into the movie, and that it was only like 10th ranked after its opening weekend in box office sales.  What was #1?  Your Mama, seriously it was.  Of course none of those are a match for The Jew Box.  Ellis gave us a in depth recap of this masterpiece, starring Matisyahu, and whoever else is in the fucking movie.  Sounded good to me, especially the ‘Jew Buzzer’ scene, so be sure to get it up ya!  Do you know the difference between a Jew and a canoe?  Snoop Lion doesn’t know the first thing about being a Rasta, or so says Bunny Wailer.  Lindsay Lohan doesn’t know the first thing about a lot of things, plus she ain’t selling out either.  Adele isn’t selling out her kid or his name, shes just too stupid to pull it off is all.  Shia LaBeouf ain’t selling or sharing any of the shit he scored on the set of his next movie.  And last but certainly not least, please don’t follow @jew_box on twitter, dude called the show and its pretty fucking creepy.

 

A.K.A. EllisMate beating that pussy up yo!

A.K.A. EllisMate beating that pussy up yo!

Check this muthafucker here out, naked on a roof, jumps off roof, breaks into home, jerks it on rug, shits on sidewalk, rubs himself over kids clothes n shit, oh and it took place in Florida!  Jim Florentine took his place in Florida, after being 18 and laid only twice, he nailed a smoking hot chic first day in Florida.  He stayed for 2 years!  So what’s Jim been up to these days, who the fuck knows as he and Tully just spent the next hour comparing Ellismate’s sexual adventures lately, to hall of fame baseball careers such as Ted Williams, Randy “Big Unit” Johnson, and of course knuckleballer R.A. Dickey (Who has a long way to go to the HOF – just saying).  From 3-2 counts to inside-the-park home runs, Florentine and Tully fucking lost me on this one, but hilarious none the less.  Apparently Jim’s also big into asking his buddies for advice on the best moves to put on their ex hook ups.  Hey man, if you know a trick she loves, hook me up with that info homie.  And if you know a chic who’s cool with you shitting out a nugget, while having sex, I don’t fucking believe you for one second!  Of course Jim wasn’t here to talk about that, though you could have fooled me, instead he will take part in the Roast of Dee Snider, tomorrow night at 9pm ET on AXS.tv.  But enough about Jim, whats Ellis been up to?  How about shoving 18 gauge needles in his ass and getting fake Canadian birth certificates, Red Dragons to you my friend.

 

Find out on TJES!

Find out on TJES!

We found out Rawdog ain’t alone in his love of large areolas.  One Jim Florentine gave our furry friend the nod of approval when hearing the news.  Does that mean Robin Quivers has huge nip nips?  One can only dream….about this nasty bitch from Boston, who beats her man for fa’ting in the bed, the nod, while singing her smash hit with Ellismate, “Ha’d to Fa’t” – which was lame, but no where near as creepy as WesleyPipes-tallica.  Dick dog just wasn’t made for that riff, but the Ellis show is made for Jew jokes, needle talk, areolas and of course, shitting out nuggets while fucking some broad….or selling a BMW too, that’s kinda gnarly.  Jew Joke:  This kid asks his dad for fifty bucks, so the Jewish dad says “Forty bucks, what do you need Thirty bucks for?”   If that didn’t sell you on listening tomorrow On Demand, then how about inverted nipples, hairy nipples, and of course skittles popping out of nipples.  No, then its gotta be the baseball/Ellis sex life that has you intrigued.  For me, I personally am a huge fan of the Jew jokes, including my favorite joke about your mom…..she’s a Jew…..a ‘Load Jew’, OH!