- Ellis just doesn’t have time to dedicate to his baby shoulders so he’s going to have to be happy with gaining a centimeter of shoulder girth.
- Fatties are wearing waist trainer corsets to push the lard from their bellies to their ass and titties. It’s like a double muffin top, look at your mom.
- Slash came in, he’s getting ready to go on tour and he can’t wait because he loves hotel rooms.
- Lord Pendarvis introduced Andrew as “the producer for now” to Slash, which might seem to back up Andrew’s claims that Will is mean to him.
- Slash says Ellis is eccentric. Slash also loves animals, but is a cat person. He can’t live too far from a city. His guitar has had better seats on an airplane than you. And he makes his bed, shops at the grocery store, gets stuff for his new place, and hurt his thumby when he was young.
- Slash has a horror movie coming out, “The Hell Within” I believe it was called. He’s not in it, though he did have a cameo in a Dirty Harry movie once!
It’s another Monday recap, and you know you looooove it! Ellis has been 43 like 5 times in the past 3 or 4 days, with all the cake and celebrating. Dingo is looking good today, he’s dropped about of weight lately and even he’s having a skinny mirror day. Tully watched a woman attempt to take a selfie of herself for about a half hour, she was a trendy looking black woman trying to time her selfie just right. Dingo & Ellis discussed how phones have become new tools allowing for people to look at themselves. It bums most everyone out to run into a man who has to have names for his weed, you know exactly the kind the of dude they’re talking about. “I got some headband and n-bomb riot, bro – you gotta try it!” Continue reading
It’s Friday and by now everybody that was at EM9 has full blown EMAIDS and the only cute is to drink copious amounts of alcohol this weekend. Speaking of being drunk and belligerent, [segway] Mel Gibson is the most understood person ever. He doesn’t “hate” the Jews, he just thinks they control all the money and are responsible for all the wars and that they killed Jesus. However his use of words like Heebs, oven dodgers, Jew boys, beanie heads, etc. doesn’t fare well. He does hate the Christian Church though, mainly because he’s simply bat shit crazy. Enough of that shit, on to more important issues, Jason’s ankles are swollen from EllisMania and Josh is having a hard time getting out of bed. That one chick that was supposed to be on yesterday from
IWasAWrestlingBearOnce was really nice and you should check her and her band out. Mike “The Potato Muncher” Tully is going to become an Irish citizen, a gift he got from his drunken soccer loving family. Ellis is going to Panama, Tully is going to Mexico, and Josh will be spending his vacation keeping guard over his girlfriends drink. With the birth of the latest addition of the Ellis clan Jason is now being pressured to go back to Australia but he’s not sure if he’s ready to go back yet.
Chrisann Brennan wrote a book about bobbin the knob of Steve Jobs. Hey that almost rhymed, I kick ass! Back to talking about Chrisann taking Jobs’s job. I guess they were really good at fucking each other and all that bullshit. Speaking of bullshit [segway] Will is
pissed because the TV isn’t working right and this is a professional radio show damnit! Then somehow the conversation turned to talking about kids and adopted kids and kids with fucked up junkie parents. It was hilarious. Not really but it’s Friday and I don’t give a fuck. Hey wanna know what’s cool? Mulan wants to scissor dance cookie wiggle with Sleeping Beauty. So hot. They then watched Rawdog’s fight for the first time and this was the best Josh has ever looked. It’s not saying much but it was an aggressive show of manliness and dick punches. Ellis is open to hearing arguments for having EllisMania somewhere other than Vegas. I’m not going to get into it because I’m incredibly biased on the subject.
Recent studies have shown that thongs are natures delivery system of eww from the
pooper to the cooter. ASAP Rocky slapped a hoe and she tried to have him arrested but she doesn’t know his address, sucks to be her. But more importantly thanks to the Airplane Ninja, TSA rules say that you can bring a one quart bag of three ounce liquids onto a plane which means, PAR-TAY!!!! A bunch of liars in the Himalayas got drunk and probably high and think they found Yeti bones. But thanks to science, it was just an ancient polar bear, too bad it was too dead to eat these fucktards. Some dude with a name I can’t pronounce cut a hole in a restaurant with a chainsaw after they kicked him out because they were closing and wouldn’t let him finish his chocolate pudding. Moral of the story, don’t fuck with a mans puddin. Ladies and Gentleman, good friend of the show, SLASH! [applause] Slash came in to talk about the movie he produced for the first time ever. He loved, he learned, he laughed, he cried, he said fuck this shit I’m out, and he made the best horror movie that he has ever made before! You should check it out. Wanna know more cool shit about Slash? Then you came to the right place. He snuck booze into the White House during the Clinton administration for a New Year’s Eve party. He also saw the Lakers in the airport. And his new movie is called Nothing Left To Fear. Now that you know everything there is to know about Slash let’s move on. They went over the list of horror movie villains and decided if they would be sketched out by them or not.
After a very late and well deserved break Katie joined the show so her and Tully can do their Onnit Look Good Naked Challenge. This is the final workout and by far the most difficult. Both of them completed the challenge with moans grunts and squeals only to be brought to a dead halt by Cheese, much like a night with yer mum, OH!
If your’e looking for something to do check out the Fuck Cancer charity ride in Las Vagas Nevada presented by Carey Hart and Hart & Huntington Tattoo!
Well hello boys n girls. Its your uncle Ghostload speaking, and if you can read this, dude get a fucking life. Speaking of getting a life, your mom is and old school tool from before I could drool. Bitch be so dumb, sticks n stones be insulting her, OH! Nah but seriously, we here at the No You Are clinic do care a great deal about your mom…’s snatch and ass hole, plus she could suck the rust of an ’83 El Camino that’s been in the back yard since ’84, cause she did! Well I don’t know about you, but I personally have a strong interest in your mom, I mean besides the fact bitch better have my money, she’s also your mom, and I like you! I was doing a little research into your mom, no not “In to” your mom, not this time – No I mean real research and I noticed a bit of a downward spiral in her life since we first commented on her back in January of 2012. Hell just think that was just over a year ago, and to think where she is now, in fact if you know where she is, hit me on twitter @wiz1010 cause like I said, Bitch Better Have My Money! Anyways, here’s a month by month breakdown on just how far the bitch, i mean your mom the bitch, has fallen – Enjoy……….
Monday, January 23, 2012 As I mentioned above, this is the first time your mom was mentioned, and at her height I might add,
hob slob-knobbing with former Passenger 57 mega-super-broke-star what’s his name.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012 If we were charting this in graph format, not only would we be a bunch of fucking nerds, but the curve would be on the upward. Today may be the greatest day of your mom’s life. Today is not only Chad Reed day, well really yeah its just Chad Reed day!
Friday, March 16, 2012 Ah yes, your mom is still fresh on the scene, appearing with none other than Die Antwoord cause yes, I fink your mom freaky!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012 Ok, so remember the graph, yeah were on the “downward slope” as they call it, well they also call it that cause when you go in your mom’s vage you immediately fall downward into the pussy, hence the term! Anyways today was the gruesome story of the day your mom started hooking, shocking but true!
Wednesday, March 30, 2012 Ok now she’s just a fucking bitch, I mean using the SiriusXM phone app is hard enough with it fucking sucking balls n all, but now we find out the truth about the Sirius phone app and your mom – stupid cunt whore oh and your mom is a moronic jizz cunt!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012 John in Houston, we have lift off! Your mom and the extinction of big foot? You’d better start keeping your eyes out and your cocks covered from here on out kids!
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 Now your mom hates the gays. Today, sadly enough was the day we had “The bet between evil Chick-fil-a and your even more eviler mom” dun dun dun!!!
Thursday, August 30, 2012 Now look, I’m not a fan of beating up your mom. Its only cause she’s into the shit really that I do it. I’d rather drop a deuce on her chest, return serve, and fucking roll the fuck out aids free! But to be fair, here is a reminder of what she used to be just a few months ago and probably my favorite, this is where Christopher Walken got his style from.
Friday, September 21, 2012 Now I know this one’s kinda confusing, you hear “Bit’s amazing day with your mom” and you think shit’s sweet right. Dude it’s fucking bit with your mom, shit ain’t that sweet right about now homie. The good news though, this one’s got some really sweet fucking pics, of batman and the joker crush’n’grooven and your mom (See the last one)
Wednesday, October 31, 2012 Well, well, well. It’s like I caught you in the cookie jar, pun intended! By now in the month by month recap of your mom’s past year or so, she’s just flat out of control, I mean all of #EllisFam?
Monday, November 26, 2012 Well if you fuck all of Ellis Fam, then who’s left? Yeah we saw it coming just sad it happened during the holidays. Things are really getting bad for your mom when turning tricks ain’t even cutting it no mo’.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012 It’s cold, money’s tight, and we at No You Are don’t fucking care about your mom. Sure we could buy her dinner, or maybe hold her hand, but nah! Now we just fuck her for sport……as if we ever didn’t. Some things never change!
Thursday, January 24, 2013 Ok this is one of those pivotal points in your mom’s life, well kinda the opposite as she’s lost all ability to pivot on your dick anymore which made her one of the nation’s top 5,000 hookers in the 40 and above division. Now its just a matter of survival when fucking your mom, thanks to Rawdog though maybe we can make it out alive!
But seriously, I don’t know what this huge red bump is on my balls? Are you there? HELLO!? Oh shit! Wrong window, sorry all. I was chatting with my umm, friend, for another friend. Anyway, it’s Monday and it’s time for the “Y’all motherfuckers need Jesus” re-cap! Is it Ellis’ fault that there are a lot of fake, big tits in porn? I don’t know, but I’m okay with it. Will Rawdog find his face? He’s trying his best at the decorating his face game, and it’s coming along, but he’s got some room to grow into his face. Back to titties. Titty talk brought Jude into the studio to explain that in his twenties, he was very anti-big boob bitches, until he started banging moms and you know mommy titties start to sag and get all pancaked, so they get some upgrades. Nobody likes to cartoonishly fake or bad tit-job jugs. Tully might have a thing for 12 year-olds, he’s okay with tiny booby buds, and is also very anti-fake tits, bleach blonde hair, etc. Speaking of chewed up titties thanks to having children, shout out to @Cullensaidthis and his wife for making a baby! Ellis saw Pendarvis was getting on some tail last night, and it wasn’t his mom, no, it was his son!
Will we be seeing voice activated cars? A resounding “fuck no” is the answer. Just look at how well Siri works. More importantly, Ellis has his new voice altermacation machine all hooked up and gave us some Kanye style speaking and other voice altering tests. That one chick from England who everyone things is… Royally hot (HA!) is pregnant, or so they say – it could just be gas. What if you were able to be the King of England? Would you walk around dressed as Ming the Merciless and eating cake? Of course, Rawdog finds issue with this and wonders just how cool would it really be to be the King and thinks he’d rather be Paris Hilton. Guess who else stopped by the show to talk tits and touring? That’s right, Slash. He’s got short term memory loss and sometimes forgets where he’s been and/or who he’s met, does this really surprise anyone? Slash says he likes moto and follows Ellis and his moto antics, he thinks it’s very entertaining. On a separate note, Slash has a motherfucking Vegas style nightclub inside his house, next to his motherfucking studio, inside his house. That’s the tits! In a bid to be Super Dad, Slash’s
1110-year-old son is into skating and isn’t really helping him by busting out the Slash name – his son wants to do it all on his own. Will came in to play a game with slash, “Can you guess who’s rider this is, based on the crazy requests & rules” and it bummed Slash out. Slash invited Ellis, Tully, & Rawdog over to his house / nightclub this weekend, and you’re not invited – so there.
Hollywood news, the short and intense version, starts with Lindsay Lohan in trouble yet again, this time for not paying her taxes. Charlie Sheen gave her $100k to help pay off her shit, I’m guessing because she hooks him up with some killer nose candy. She’s also being sued by the Lifetime Network because she wasn’t supposed to drive or something and she drove anyway. Recycled recycling talk reared it’s ugly head on the show today when a caller chimed in to say, “recycling helps” to which Rawdog responded “nu-uh, Penn & Teller said it was bullshit” and there you have it folks, clear as mud and straight from the horses crotch region. That spurred a bunch of opinions from people all the way from LA to Sector Cumtard – but we don’t really care about any of that, do we? Of course not. In other news, on the hottest day of the summer, Barney the Boil Sucker was sitting at home when his phone rings. “Barney the Boil sucker” He says. A woman replies “I have a boil that needs sucking.” Barney says, what’s you address, I’ll be right over. He finally gets there in the 95 degree heat and when she answers the door Barney is greeted by a 425 pound woman who has broken out in a profuse sweat, wearing nothing but a stained up bed-sheet. She is huge, big as a truck, and smells of old dairy products and body odor. She tells Barney that the boil is on her taint, but being the professional that he is, he soldiers on. He starts wading through the layers of sweaty fat, pushing the layers back behind him until he at last comes to the boil. It is huge, red and is topped off by a white-head full of puss. He takes a few deep breaths and begins to suck on it. As he is sucking the puss by the mouthful the lady lets go a little fart, unable to control herself from the pain of the boil. Barney, incredulous, shoves his way out of the fat and hollers, “Hey Lady, what are you trying to do? Make me sick?” And that’s why Barney the Boiler Sucker has never again accepted a call from your mother. OH!