You know what day it is & the joke is on you because I’m not a writer. I did hear some shit, and now I feel the need to tell you about it. Let’s start with Jason waking up his girlfriend to clean up after his dog. Yes they shit and vomit, but he’s too big time to deal with that. Tully continues to express his for hate puppies. Someone wants to seal his TV appeal with a chin tattoo. That should do the trick. No doubt an artist in the area will donate their time to handle that situation. Continue reading
Leezus Christ, I have one three day weekend, and the next thing you know everybody comes in on Tuesday thinking I should drop everything to solve their socio-economic problems by way of auto repair. And that god damn phone won’t stop ringing no matter how many old-timey poxes I place upon it. It’s a fuckin’ madhouse in here folks! Luckily for me, only a few more weeks before I get to go pedal to the medal across the border while dropping a deuce out the window and burning my draft card. In the meantime though, ELLIS SHOW! I’m sure they’re gonna be having a day much like mine cause that’s what happens when federal holidays fall on a Monday. The show kicked off with Jason reminding himself that short weeks are fucking sweet cause you don’t have to put up with everybody else’s bullshit quite as much before the weekend is back again! Also, he’s stopped having sweaty palms, which is always a plus. Tully is beginning to think he’s passed his own sweatiness down to the McGook baby but that still remains to be seen. Jason still holds the record as sweatiest bastard at his gym though, so Tully’s gonna have to step his game up. The guys talked for a bit about people with fast metabolisms and how it makes them have small boobs, but that’s not a bad thing because (speaking as a human male between the ages of birth and death) titties are just fantastic. There’s gotta be something really wrong with them for anybody to really have a problem with them. Tully had to chase a toddler with pants full of shit over the weekend and almost broke his foot on the coffee table or something, I kinda missed it. Ellis keeps getting cakes to enjoy with the family cause when you’re divorced with children, presents really do buy the love of your offspring. The only problem is, Tiger can’t keep his mouth shut and got greedy by trying to see if Mom would one-up Dad but that just started an argument. Jude stopped by for a little bit to rub the guys faces in it that he didn’t have to hang out with his kid and instead got to hang out with a fuck load of lesbians, which would certainly have some high points for pretty much anybody to be involved in. The guys talked for a while about how bitches be too god damn jealous, especially when you’re the only penis in a party full of taco bumpers, because you’re basically the greatest anatomical competition that could exist. But Jude has seen dude’s get just as clingy when they land that hail Mary date with somebody way out of their league and go way too hard trying to let everybody know who they’re trying to lay claim to. Joan Rivers is in the hospital right now, cause she’s old and sometimes old people get old and have health problems. The boys talked about Joan Rivers for a while cause despite how much you might not care to see her on some red carpet event show, she has led a pretty interesting and crazy life. Jason decided if Ryan Reynolds ever played him in a Lifetime movie about Jason and Andrea’s relationship, he would get really bummed out from beyond the grave. Tully informed Jude that Juggalos are a gang in the eyes of the FBI, and it really goes to show you that the law has it’s finger in it’s own asshole, and very far from the pulse of the American public, because I’ve seen football fans do more damage than the Juggalos ever have, not to mention that the NFL is a non profit organization that still has all kinds of officially licensed merchandise for some reason or another (it’s like rich people are trying to dodge taxes or something riiculous like that!). It does have to feel a certain kind of special to maintain a job where you dress as an evil clown and write ridiculous rap music and the United States Government is keeping their eyes on you. It’s like living in that one punk squat that the cops refuse to raid because the head of the house makes sure everybody is enrolled in school or something. Jude went to a gathering of the Juggalos back in 1999 or 2000 and said it was some of the weirdest shit to hang out in, being at the upstairs room of a pool hall after an ICP concert and there’s white girls named “Crystal” in clown makeup and Violent J and Shaggy just kind of hung around looking out over the crowd like a king observing his servants. Somehow, this brought up the topic of jousting cause that would be some hilarious shit to have as an EllisMania type event where a bunch of dudes who’ve never ridden a horse get to attempt to seriously maim whichever drunk fuck was too inebriated not to sign the release form and got roped into it by his terrible friends. WILSON came in to let Jason know that there’s classes a person can take to become officially licensed to joust and that seemed to perk his spirits right up. The guys talked childhood architecture, namely kiddie pools and fort building and how from time to time people come up with really incredible shit for kids to occupy themselves with for almost no money at all. Back to jousting talk for a moment, just cause it’s so likely that a person could get impaled doing it, Tully found a news story (that I sent him) about a woman who was texting while driving and ended up going off the side of the road and was impaled through the legs and booty by a piece of the guardrail. Just goes to show you that texting and driving can only be properly failed if you’re a woman and can’t grasp the concept of speech-to-text input. And of course, who the fuck else would willingly talk to news crews fresh out of the hospital after getting impaled through the culo? While we’re on the topic of impalement, Jaosn is gonna be taking a jousting class with a bunch of other people participating, or not, he may just camp out there so he can cram a 3 day course into one, and it should probably be a weekend, but you’re invited if you can make it, but it’s not likely gonna all be on Jason’s credit card, but the pricing is competitive. If you remember from last week, the guys made some art and one of them may include Tully’s actual pubes, so if you go on eBay you can totally have Tully’s pubes framed and hanging on your wall! In case you didn’t notice (cause nobody really keeps track) Piolin is no longer on Sirius/XM and that’s great for Jason because now ther’s a whole spare studio that’s not clogging up their internet bandwidth and can be used for some of the more messy endeavors that may occur on the show, like dousing an intern in vomit or performing living cremations. Some people called in to give Jason the rundown on jousting and someone on twitter said it’s the perfect entrance for Horse Force’s first concert, which I heartily agree with. Our old friend tranny Sean called in to check in and let the guys know that he’s doing OK and that he’s gonna be getting a penis put on sometime hopefully real soon. BREAK TIME YA FUCKING WANKERS!!!
BUY THE WOLF PICTURES ON EBAY CAUSE ALL THE MONEY GOES TO CYSTIC FIBROSIS!!! Well, not every picture of a wolf, but the ones from the Ellis show. Remember when Russia sent a space capsule full of geckos into orbit to see their response to endless anti-gravity fucking? Well, like most things the Russians thought were a great idea, the geckos are all dead. As is that one Discovery Channel show “Sons of Guns” cause it’s about as educational as Naked and Afraid, whoops, that’s also a Discovery show, well whatever cause at least no one on that show is being accused of raping a child like the guy on Sons of Guns. Police had to come shake down a coffe shop called Java Juggs cause it might also be a den of hedonistic behavior, which I think is the essence of the capitalism, so all you republicans better take note, you keep saying free market? You better keep expecting coffee bean brothels. The guys talked UFC for a while cause I guess it happened over the weekend, and Kenda Perez called in to corroborate or disprove anything the guys may be talking about, to the best of her ability, from a slightly more insider position than Jason or Tully has. I didn’t listen all too closely but they did spend a lot of time talking about a lady whose name is Betch and that just reminded me of all the hilarious gay stereotype conversations I’ve had with people about how gay guys somehow just can’t make an “i” sound in the word bitch so it always comes out “betch” which is just delightful. Then they talked about The Expendables 3 for a while and I haven’t seen it because I would be so lost from not having seen the first two either, but I respect the concept. Jason sent Tully some music that he had found that was made by former pro skateboarder Jerome Rodgers, and if you don’t remember from a few years ago, this is the guy that retired from skateboarding to be a rapper but for all intents and purposes, he really shouldn’t have cause it’s just about impossible to get behind this music. According to Jason, with the kind of athletic ability this guy had, it made no sense that he could possibly be so incredibly bad at rapping the way he is, so much so that it’s getting difficult for him to believe that he’s not mentally handicapped. After they played a few clips from some of his songs, I’m finding it hard to argue. Tully even said that most of the people who send stuff in for unsigned bands could mop the floor with him. The guys took a break because listening to hip hop of that caliber would make me need to take a breather too.
TODAY IN CRYSTAL METH!!! Police in Florida were called to the scene of three people who were screaming that they had been taken hostage, but it turns out that the three were just methed all the fucking way out and all had a group hallucination! But it gets better, they emptied over a hundred rounds of handgun and shotgun ammo into the walls, threw furniture at their captor, even the toilet, really anything small enough to throw, one of the guys removed a back window (frame and all) from the building to try and make an escape route, really just methiness all around. Update to the Jerome Rodgers thing, apparently he did a few months in jail and had to roll with the white supremacist crowd to keep from having his chili ring blown apart by white supremacists, so there’s that. Perfect timing for that, cause two incredibly white people, Rob Corddry and Clark Duke came by the studio to hang out for a while. Clark Has been known to go to a wrestling symposium which consists of 500 thirty year old guys sitting around drinking beer and watching pro wrestlers on the come up of their careers for three days straight. But that’s really secondary cause the guys are in studio today to play a game of Password with Jason and Tully. Twas a great time with hilarious clues and references to things that only a washed up Australian skateboarder and a b-list comedy actor (b-list is a compliment folks, I love Corddry’s work, and Clark Duke is great as well) would understand. When all was said and done, the winner was the english language, with Jason and Tully coming in a close second, with the password “dildo” for the win. After the game, Ellis introduced Rob and Clark to the wheel of doom and the many wonderful punishments that it includes. However, instead of all that work of wheeling in the wheel and spinning it, Jason settled on giving the guys access to an RC car and letting them do burnouts on Kevin’s ass with it. Before all that though, Rob and Clark gave the guys a quick rundown on the progress and quality of content in Hot Tub Time Machine 2 and how there’s drugs and rape and everything that makes America great, all included for the low low price of one horribly overpriced theater ticket. They also talked about Matthew McConaughey for a while and how he looks better a little bit unfit and less shredded, thus reducing the competition between normal humans and movie stars for the rest of us. The guys found the trailer for HTTM2: Electric Boogaloo (which I’m just gonna start adding to every sequel ever) and it sounds like a good god damn time for all, except for that part of the advertisement that relies on visual stimulation, that could be hit or miss, but with all of the one-liners in the preview, I’m sure it won’t be a disappointment. So, in case our attention spans are too short, Kevin CUMTARD Kraft, RC car, hilarious comedic actors, tire tracks on the anus hole, TULLY! JASON!!! WHY THE FUCK IS KEVIN WEARING A C-STRING?!???!?!!!?!???! TWO STROKE FUMES IN ENCLOSED SPACES!!! Although I’m pretty sure the RC car in question was the electric one. After all that, the guys took a break to regroup and let Cumntard’s rectum come to terms with it’s lot in life.
So, upon coming back from the break, the guys decided to turn to the phones and twitter for suggestions on what music to play in the two hours before and after the show that Jason now has control of. Jason has confirmed that it’s not gonna be all Metallica all the time, but definitely more of it than Faction normally plays. One guys suggested more Machine Head, which I know myself and @emilyinSD are both incredibly thrilled about. Someone else suggested Fugazi which I’m happy about as well. Social Distortion was suggested, as well as The Necromantix, Steel Panther, The God Damn Gallows, someone murdering Jetta so that he doesn’t put through suggestions that nobody else has heard of, Mudvayne, Static X, Bone Thugs ‘N’ Harmony, Iron Maiden, Willie Nelson, Propaghandi, and a bunch of other random suggestions that I didn’t have time to listen to cause work was busy as all fuck and I had to crunch out this recap with moments to spare before the next live show. This whole thing went on pretty much till the end and despite whatever I missed, I’m sure they’ve put a lot of solid choices into the lineup and that Faction music will hopefully have some truly terrible shit removed forever. Oh, and your mom called and said to bring her home a carton of cigarettes, plan B, and an enema. She’s going out to find you a stepdaddy tonight.
Red Dragons, Mother Fuckers ,,rr,
Welcome to The Jason Ellis Show, where he is confused, but who cares about this shit? Let’s got on with the show because Rob Corddry is in the studio (or his home) and he has his shit together. If you didn’t listen (which, chances are- since you are reading this re-cap) you may not have realized that the show didn’t actually start on time. Or for…you know…like 2 hours. It’s okay though, cause this time it wasn’t because he got into a fender non-bender due to weird LA traffic, it was because he was stuck at the dentist getting a root canal. Why is this better? Because he got the gas…and anyone who has had the gas knows that getting holes drilled into your face is welllllllllll worth it. Ellis has no problem asking the dentist for gas despite the fact that he looks like a really jacked junkie, but Rob Corddry confesses that he doesn’t like asking for the gas because it makes him feel like people look at him like he’s seeking out drugs. Tully however wants to be a drugstore cowboy who looks like Rob Corddry because Corddry looks like the kind of guy who manages to be on so many drugs he looks like he isn’t actually on drugs and isn’t looking for any. Except maybe antibiotics.
Ellis chose to get the root canal done today because next week he is going to Panama, where he will spend at least one night glamping, and the dentist told him it would only take an hour. Well, a little more than 2 hours later Ellis managed to get to the elevator right as Rob Corddry did…so for all intents and purposes…he was on time. He’s the star of the show, the show isn’t the show without them, whatever time he chooses to get there is on time. Duh. While he was at the dentist getting his face drilled into and was sucking back whatever gas the dentist would let him have, he took a trip to a world where his Indian dentist transformed into Biggie Smalls and the mexican nurse turned Asian and started singing “My Blood” to him through her mask. “My Blood” if you aren’t hip and in the know, is the title of Jason’s solo song off of Death! Death! Die!’s (fuck you if you try and correct my punctuation on that one cause I would love for you to do better) upcoming album, which features a solo song from each member of the band that we all know and love and had the number one selling album (in Canada) on iTunes. Red Dragons. Ellis explains that originally he didn’t want to do a solo song, because he doesn’t think he’s that good with music…or lyrics, but he did one anyway since he loves the band and everyone else was doing it.
Rob Corddry did a bunch of movies and television shows for the year of 2013. Have you seen or heard of any of them? I haven’t because I don’t really watch television or go to movies that don’t have Bruce Willis or Harry Potter in them. One movie was Warm Bodies, where he played a zombie that started thinking. Which is one hell of a role, all things considered, since most zombies don’t have functioning frontal lobes. Another movie he was in was called Pain & Gain with a little actor you may have heard of: Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. And even I know who that is, thanks to the Fast & Furious franchise (before there were too many movies for me to care anymore). How is working with The Rock? Awesome, since the apparent reason for The Rock’s excessive amounts of shiny muscley-ness is to protect his big, squishy, heart of gold. The Rock is a great guy who is liked by all and always seemed to be in a good mood, and probably doesn’t drink any of the tequila that he tweets with steak. Corddry has never seen The Rock’s penis, but has a good idea of what it’s like- utter perfection. Large, in charge, and no Rawdog, it doesn’t have its very own set of pecs, but it’s glorious nonetheless. Prolly just as shiny as the rest of him parting clouds in the sky for rays of sunshine to bounce off of while an unseen chorus holds a splendid chord of praise. Yeah, I can see that.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of dicks in Hollywood that aren’t attached to built former pro-wrestlers turned movie stars. Who in particular? No one is naming names- but the breakdown is as follows: Actors are narcissistic dicks, Directors are controlling dicks, and the studio guys are the dicks who give all the other dicks back door blowjobs. In Hollywood you can only be a dick once because if you’re a dick to two people and they know each other, say goodbye to your career. Kathryn Heigl, for instance, is not a dick. Wait for it…I’m getting there. Kathryn Heigl has been all over the place lately with her winning too white for real life smile being all sorts of sweet because she thought she had more than one get out of dick-jail free card to the point where she surpassed being a dick and is just a big ol’ cunt that no one wants to work with. When you’re working in a place where it’s a safe bet 90 percent of the other people think their shit is just as odorless as yours, you probably shouldn’t go around acting like you aren’t base enough of a human being to shit in the first place. Because then, you’re just a cunt, and no one wants to make movies with you.
Pornstars also have cunts. They, however, usually have the good kind of cunt. The sexy kind that it’s alright to talk about. Have you noticed that the pornstars on Instagram have been posting lots of pics from the doctor with “Still open for business!” on the caption? I haven’t either, but, it’s a thing now. All the pornstars wanna let you know that it’s all good in the hood. Rat (I’m all kinds of snarky today). Tully and Rawdog inform Ellis and Corddry that this may be due to the fact that recently it was all over the news that there were a couple of pornstars who turned up HIV+, which is really shitty because porn is a business that hurts no one. I’m not trying to be sarcastic, porn is a great industry that aims to make people happy. Following this mini-outbreak the porn industry in California had to take an AIDs break, which was a great joke, but it also actually happened. The government shut down all filming (which is probably where the government got the idea of a shutdown of their own in the first place) until everyone could get tested and made sure every porn star knew that it was illegal for them to be fired for requesting males to use a condom during performance. Really.
Only half of Ellis’s face is working, but it’s still smarter than Rawdog’s whole face. What a surprise! Said no one. Ever. How high is Ellis exactly? Not high enough to not need a painkiller from Katie. Ellis informs us that there are two sorts of painkillers out there in the world- regular pain killers and the ‘get your bones ground down’ painkillers. If you get your bones ground down you get Percocet. However, if you go down the Mega Ramp in a basketball jersey and melt the skin off of your back and have good friends, you get Oxycontin and tell stories to people on balconies for 12 wonderful time-released hours. Corddry has also taken Oxycontin (albeit for non pain related activities…and only once) and says that it is wonderful. It’s too bad that Hillbillies ruined it by crushing it and snorting it. Ugh. Fucking Hillbillies. Tully says it wasn’t just the Hillbillies and he has multiple Hollywood figures and athletes to back that statement up, because smoking it is a thing now. But…Corddry is right, Oxycontin would be wonderful if it was prescribed and imbibed the way it was meant to be. But we’re humans and we don’t really know how to be smart like that. Drugs are bad.
You know what’s better than drugs for pain? More pain! Seriously. Josh questions this, thinking pain + pain = lots of pain, but Ellis insists that there comes a point where the pain just kind of cancels itself out. Even planning some major rager of a balls to the wall about to be knocked by a wrecking ball pain fest helps to start numbing out the pain. For example- Jason’s tooth hurts. He bets that if he starts calling Tokyo and Josh’s mom and says that he is just going to bring on the pain rain in their lives he would start to feel better. Josh thinks that will only work insofar as until Tokyo and his mom figures out who’s calling…and that the person has an achilles heel in their mouth. Josh is 100 percent convinced they will then attack his tooth. Damn. Maybe Josh should get his face drilled for a bit and make a comeback.
Rob Corddry should have a show on Ellis’s fabled upcoming channel. But, for real though. Ellis basically offered Rob the job on air who immediately and whole heartedly accepted (right before getting cold feet) because he has nothing going on. Which I don’t think is all that true considering he has an ongoing television show on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim- Children’s Hospital, and also has a new movie coming out, Hot Tub Time Machine 2. But Ellis didn’t find out about the new Hot Tub movie from Rob, he found out from co-star Clark Duke who he chatted with in the KTLA green room right before going out and KILLING IT. Why chat it up with the Duke? Because the other guy in the green room was that guy in The Patriot who betrayed his not really his yet almost a country and killed women and children by locking them in a church before setting it on fire because Jason Isaacs told him to. Dick.
Is Luke Skywalker the last Jedi? Or did he start on an all new race of Jedi after the credits? I’m sure he spawned some Jedi, and so did Leia and Han, because let’s not forget that Leia and Luke are twins so she probably could have kicked Darth’s ass just as hard. Except she would probably still have both of her real hands. Tully says that the only reason Luke was any sort of a bad ass Jedi was because his father was Darth fucking Vader, and who wouldn’t be a killer Jedi with that kind of backing. Ellis doesn’t think Luke was all that awesome because he lost a hand in the deal and was kind of a whiny little bitch throughout most of the series…but then again, so was Hayden Christiansan who played little Darth Vag, so maybe it’s just a familial phase. No way could Luke take Darth Maul and his double-ender. Another fight we all missed out on in the series- Darth Maul versus Master Yoda. Who would win? Will we ever know? Yoda was a pretty punchy, tumbly, acrobatic bastard…so it seems like it would be a ridiculous fight between his CGI’d little body and the crazy acrobatic Darth Maul. Set it up, Dana White. Josh’s most wanted fictional fight is a throwdown between Harry Potter and Frodo. Wizard against Hobbit. Who wins? With their magical powers Josh says that Frodo would win. Ellis says that it has to be without magic, good old fashioned brawl. Josh then says Potter would probably lay on the hurt because he’s bigger. Who would really win? The fans.
Time for a break. Or not, cause Jason is high. But don’t get cranky and pick on him, who else gets a root canal and then goes to their job? On top of that…who gets a root canal and then goes to their job where the number one requirement is fucking talking?!?!?!
Back from the break? So’s the government!!! Haha. It is though, not that anybody really missed it. Oh….maybe all those temporarily unemployed people did. Sorry. No one else did. The stenographer for the House of Representatives probably could have used the furlough since the stress of typing built upon her so that she started ranting in the middle of the House’s vote. It involved freemasons and the Illuminati or something. She got dragged out, still ranting, by security. Who probably were working for the freemasons.
It’s time to find out who is the next 5 Finger Death Punch!!!!!!!! Are you excited? Or are you as angry as Ellis that such a downright shit-level Nickelback 3 band is raking in the dough by sucking balls? He made a mental note to share with us that he heard 5 Finger Death Punch on Octane (or somewhere) and was so enraged by how fucking terrible they were he had to mention their ass sucking on the radio. Check mark next to that box. The good news though, for all of you sucky bands out there? There will always be whores who like you because you’re in a band and they will give you a blowjob when you’re in town. Really can’t ask for much more outta life than that.
This actually was an introduction to the long-awaited segment Unsigned Bands versus Unsigned Farts. After hundreds upon hundreds of submissions, of which at least 20 were from bands, Tully presented us with the best of the best and pitted them against one another. In all we heard 12 bands and farts (if I’m reading my handwriting correctly) and I’m pretty sure the farts won. The best fart? That was from Bobby…a fart that came in hot and scared Katie winning its way into our hearts. Or something. The bands were…kind of like the best of the worst of New Music Tuesday. Most caused a collective “LOL!!!!!!!” after a few bars were played. The Dirty Bourbon River Show was a band and they annoyed me by having that super long name and then an even longer name on their single and sounded like the music you wake up in the gutter to the afternoon after a Mardis Gras celebration covered in white substance that you only hope is leftover from the donuts at Cafe du Monde. Extermination Protocol was well received by all of the guys, despite their horrible name, and then EP made the mistake of tweeting that they were a one man band. Which is impossible. So, go back to the losers circle. Cage9 is a band from South America that wasn’t all that bad either and could probably be successful here in North America if the singer shaved his head. Actually, Cage9 can only have the USA, Canada is DDD! territory.
Before commencing the Onnit Look Good Naked Challenge with Tully and Katie we hear the newest gem from the Jingleberries. It’s a remix of Katie’s sex-tastic workout breathing to the beat of Push It by Salt-N-Peppa. I would listen to that song on repeat. I may have my first girl-crush ever on Katie. Ellis informs Rob (and reminds the rest of us) that the reason Tully is doing the challenge is to help motivate the fans. Which is the reason Josh previously did a challenge and Ellis is constantly doing insane shit. Every fan has their favorite, Josh himself has tens of fans that were motivated by him to get in shape. But really, the guys want their fans to live long and keep listening. Get in on it and check out the Onnit challenge for yourself.
Things we learned today:
Ellis’s brother had a baby boy today- Welcome to the World Bailey Ellis!!!
At the dentist, all Rod Corddry hears is “Spit now, please”
Dentists are really drug dealers for reluctant pussy junkies
Tom Cruise and Will Smith are so successful because they probably don’t drink
Rob Corddry was on the Daily Show
Rawdog is getting man-boobs, and if he worked at it he could have pecks…so we know soon he’ll probably just have man-boobs
“I can’t feel this side of my nose so when I pick it, it’s like rape” – Jason Ellis
Old Testament God was full of wrath, New Testament God sacrificed Jesus for our sins because He loves us sososososososososo much
Some of the farts were probably simulated
Michael was farting during the Andy Sandberg show
Men probably shake hands as an evolved show of dominance
To be King of the World you need to pay for Hollywood Wives and have sex with whores at the gym
Men on the Ultimate Fighter should really stop crying cause it’s hard to punch through all the tears
Katie’s boobs are getting bigger (your welcome Jason) and she isn’t pregnant
Katie’s dicks keep getting tangled
Children’s Hospital airs Thursday nights at Midnight on Adult Swim and next week is part I of the season finale with fucking explosions and fucking fucking
Ellis throws a great jerkoff party
Flowers are fun cause God should be
Holy fuckin hell it’s been a long time since I talked to you beautiful people. Where has the time gone, it’s like the sequel to your favorite movie. I don’t know where I’m going with this and to be honest, I’m a bit buzzed. Ahh, ‘ol times. Does your lady shit? If she does then she might also stand to pee. According to Ellis anyhow. We started off with proper poop etiquette and the survey says, courtesy flush. Basic rules for pooping are act like your not pooping, unless your doing an upper decker, then let the sweet smell of freedom ring. Some dude from TMZ recognized Ellis, check that off the bucket list. Who is a sore loser? Gabe is a sore loser, clap clap clapclapclap. He posted on his blog, http://www.gabegodzilla.com, that the fight was fucked up or something and that he didn’t get a fair chance and that there was sand in his vagina and his panties were in a bunch. I saw the fight just like many of you and this dude got knocked out like a sorority girl at a frat party, and then humped just the same. On the funnier side, Uncle Mayhem is trying his hand at stand up comedy. This shall be fun. Go to something something dot com to find out more info.
In Olympic News, DICK PUNCH!!! That is all. The guys came up with an idea for designer condoms and the ideas were flowing. I think the unanimous winner was the guy who suggested a condom that looked like a knife so you can bang your chick on her rag and it would look way less disgusting. Shout out to you, you Red Wing earning mother fucker! RawDog thinks he can shave his own beard and the only thing that i could think of is that this needs to be recorded to show the world that Josh really knows how to do something.
I am done laughing now so lets continue. In some places you cannot get a DUI while being on horseback, but here in Arizona, you can. Trust me. Super Jews made beer goggles to wear, however I still prefer the old fashioned method of just getting sloppy piss drunk. Rob Coddry was in The Swinghouse and talked about childrens, hospitals, coke, Jason Ellis’s third acting debut, speed dating, and the teradactle (however the fuck you spell it). Ellis will be on Childerens Hospital tomorrow night at midnight. Not tonight, tomorrow, before the day after, but before the other day on Cartoon Network or Adult Swim, or both. Are we clear? Good.
In Wicked Awesome Naked Celebrity News, Randy Travis was kickin ass and raisin hell in Texas. Who says that country music is all sad and shit. That sounds like a great fuckin time! Its just too bad we don’t have a pic of his sweet ride. I bet it’s a T-Top so that mullet can flow in the wind. Some dude made ultimate arm wrestling and it sounds like a pile of ultimate shit. Finals calls were not one to disappoint, and by that I mean they were window licking, diaper wearing, short bus riding “special” folk. The last thing I recall was a dude wants to jack Jason off for some roids (don’t do drugs kids) and Chris Angel has mind lube. I heard yer mum tried steroids, she got so big that a team of mules had to tie her down, just before she let them have their way with her, OH!
Rob Corddry has been on the show twice, once in June 2011 and again in January 2012, which might suggest that he is due to return soon. In addition to the timing, season 4 of ‘Childrens Hospital’ is set to debut on August 9th (Adult Swim at 12 midnight) and I believe our very own Jason Ellis will be in episode 1!
Shoutout to @TheLobotomizerG for the suggestion. Enjoy!
Rob Corddry interview – 6/15/2011
Download (link to MP3)
Rob Corddry interview – 1/30/2012
Download (link to MP3)