Show Re-Cap for Monday 9/23/2013

the_dingo

Gaze deeply into Dingo’s eyes until you grow luscious locks like his!

It’s Monday. And this is a recap. Are you ready for a loud Dingo? I hope so, because he’s in the studio. Ellis might hire Dingo to say “Jason Ellis” in his big boy voice, but he might have to work on it because he doesn’t really have that deep of a voice. Dingo’s elevator talks to him and his cereal berates him. Ellis used to pray to get his wife back, but that didn’t happen so either there is no god or maybe there is a god and god was all like, “dude, you don’t want that” and therefore didn’t give his wife back. Dingo would go to church with Ellis if he wanted. But I’m pretty sure the congregation would forcibly remove Dingo because he just can’t go more than 60 seconds without being loud. That’s our Dingo! Jon Jones almost lost his fight with Alexander Gustafsson, but the Lord is a big Jones fan so you know what’s up. No matter if he like either one of those dude or not, their fight was pretty amazing, you could even say it was almost, god-like. Speaking of god/s, Ellis and Katie went to see Metallica and they were so close to James Hetfield that Ellis almost cried like 3 times. Apparently, Scott Greenstein knows Metallica and was a big part of some things Ellis was into when he was younger, which blew Ellis’ mind a bit. Ellis saw a bunch of other people there as well. He talked Opie, you know – that dude from Opie & Anthony. They talked about their past shit talking back and forth sessions and shit and talk, in the end Opie & Ellis are cool with each other. Howard Stern gangled up in the Metallica concert as well. That’s all we really were supposed to know, but we overheard Ellis talking to Wilson on “accident”. Everyone started cheering for Stern and all Ellis could think of was how he’s gonna take that shit. He’s super jealous but he also thinks it’s straight up gross that he’s so jealous of wanting to be as big and import as Stern. And that’s how Tully got hepatitis.

washing_my_balls

Shout out to Tiger, who’s now a baller!

Tiger discovered his balls this weekend. He asked his mommy what they were, then he started squeezing them until one of his balls did what balls sensing danger do, it went and hid. Then he pushed them together and showed his mommy that when he does this, it looks like a butt. And so starts an entire lifetime of playing with one’s balls. Have fun kid, you’re going to be doing this for the rest of your life. Gabe Ruediger is apparently feeling neglected this time around since Ellis fans aren’t razing him as much. So some of us hardcore fans started tough talking Gabe using #DummyTrashTalking. News time! A Texas jury gave a 44 year-old woman a life sentence for a DUI conviction because it was her 6th DUI. Take that Bartles & Jaymes! Hey, are you like Rawdog and just toss your old phone in the trash? Why the fuck do you do that? You could keep it, sell it, trade it, give it away, but no. You wanna fill up a landfill, don’t ya? The new iPhone 5 has a level on it, because do you know how many burly construction dudes have the latest phone for women and dudes that love to accessorize? Ellis got sent a CD of some unsigned band and the guys reminded everyone to send in their unsigned bands, so do that. Katie put a post up on Instagram, so eat a dick everybody! I don’t know why I said that. I didn’t mean any harsh feelings. I love you. Anyways, this brought up Bieber talk and I’m not having any of it, so BLA-DOW! A caller phoned in to tell Ellis that Tom Leykis was talking about Ellis on his show, and then everybody was like – PSSSHHHHH! You ever have a family pet try to get all up in your sexy times? Yeah, those fuckers are creepy gross. And don’t do what Dingo does, which is fondle his dog’s balls.

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Intern angst.

Some chick in Canada with retarded kids bought a vitamin water and under the cap, it said “You retard” which of course sent her into a retarded rage and Coca-Cola had to apologize for predicting who was going to get that bottle of sweet justice. Speaking of retard, Ellis wants a big ass Nerf basketball on Rawdog’s microphone because he eats his microphone and it’s too loud. This brought us to Wilson who brought in a picture of his ex-wife’s dashboard that said “refill now butthole” which totally reminded him of how his ex-wife talked to him. One of the new interns, Lynette, was the focus of a “game” Wilson spent many a night thinking very in depth about. The game? How much does everyone know about her, Wilson giving the guys 3 options to choose from for each answer. Come to find out, she has 2 half-black sisters who are both Olympiads, in different sports. She also went skinny dipping in Loch Ness with some Scotsman, she’s been to 14 Coachella’s, she ran into a parked car while she was high on that sticky-icky, went to Paris Hilton’s something or another, she was an overweight kid, got hit by a car while jaywalking, and she got fired after 1 week of working as a hostess for having an attitude.

hang_in_there

If you’re still reading, practicing auto-erotic asphyxiation, or committing suicide, hang in there!

You ever wondered what it was like to fly like an eagle, doot-doot-doo-doo? Ever wanted to be an eagle? Too fucking bad, you’re human. However, you can see what it’s like by watching this video of a GoPro strapped to an eagle in flight! Dingo’s dad used to live in Kualdalaupe, which of course is in some imaginary country that is made up of a bunch of other countries that takes up pretty much all of Southern Asia. Get the cock off your chest was next up and it seems a lot of dudes have been pissing the bed lately, like an excessive amount of dudes and an excessive amount of piss. Let’s see how many of you are still actually reading this recap. 2 cups flour, 2 teaspoons baking powder, ½ teaspoon baking soda, 1 teaspoon sugar, ¾ teaspoon salt, ½ teaspoon garlic powder, ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper, 4 ounces shredded sharp cheddar cheese, 1 cup cold buttermilk, ½ cup melted unsalted butter and cooled for 5 minutes. For the topping, 2 tablespoons melted unsalted butter, ½ teaspoon garlic powder, 1 teaspoon minced fresh parsley. And there you have some basic ingredients for Red Lobster’s cheddar bay biscuits. If you’re still reading, you’re welcome. And with that, like an alcoholic or a necrophiliac, it’s time for me to go crack open a cold one. OH!

gabe_likes_going_down

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 8/22/2012

I would like to start off by thanking the SiriusXm app for being a total pile of shit that was shit out by yet another piece of shit that previously ate it. I missed the first 15 minutes due to this fucktardedry and caught the part where Ellis said that he signed the papers for the house in Tarzan. I’m not from LA so this means as much to me as knowing where Burbank is, sorry Dave. A good friend of the EllisFam, Cody, called in today to thank the Fam and mainly Dutch for their support through his rough emotional patch. This is one of the astonishing things that the EllisFam is known for, helping our brothers and sisters in their time of need, that and giving Dutch handys, you know you would. That led to the discussion of taking depression medication, and the survey says, why not? Ellis wants to have his am show played on Faction, as if we haven’t already heard, Mittens Romney drove with his dog on the top of the car bla bla bla, we covered this about a month ago. The surprising this was that Rawdiggidydog was the only one who remembered that, oh and about 500 people on ellismania.com.

Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger are getting married, and according to TMZ this will mark the first lesbian marriage in the Rock World so congrats to the two of them. Rawdog still chooses to defend his McEating habits even though he pissed out a kidney stone. He he is even going as far as to say that carbonated beverages don’t attribute to them. If carbonated drinks don’t cause kidney stones then internet porn isn’t the cause for my sticky keyboard. A brand spanking new game was played today, no it wasn’t guess whats in yer mums smash box, it was, ummmm, I forget. Lets just call it Caller Bingo. Basically a restaurant owner, police officer, elected official, gay porn star, cowboy, etc., had to call in and the guys marked off their bingo boards. This game took forever and was slightly amusing but I’m pretty sure that they won’t be playing it again in the near future. Breaking news, chicks love their boobies and vaginas and so do I! Josh doesn’t know exactly where his girlfriend of 2 months lives exactly. She says its because shes embarrassed or some shit, I think its because they are a secretly working for Opie and Anthony and are stealing show secrets from McTumblebum. Would you take 4 dicks in the ass for 500 thousand dollars cash tax free? If you say no then I know your lying, yer mum did it for bus fare and a half eaten hamburger, OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 6/25/2012

Wisconsin Hooters Representin’

It’s Monday and Ellis still doesn’t have his truck back from West Coast Customs, maybe because Xzibit is trying to put wolves in Ellis’ woofers. Probably not though. Ellis is still making nice with Covino and Rich, he got interviewed by the wife of one of them while he was in Miami judging the hooters of girls from Hooters. He’s also publicly apologizing to Bubba The Love Sponge, Opiddity & Anthony, and others, but has yet to apologize to our mothers for shitting their fish tanks. Rawdog helped analyze Ellis’ dream of flying over houses and banging pots and pans, and claims that his dream means he wants to find a woman to fuck. Sounds legit. Since Rawdog lost his bet this weekend after Clay Guida lost to Gray Maynard, he gets to eat and drink some healthy shit today. As you can imagine, Rawdog was struggling through his green kelp shake (or whatever it was) and salad with salmon on it. The really impressive part? When Rawdog asked, with all sincerity, if you eat salad with a fork or your hands. Amazing.

Where’s the love?

Speaking of the Guida vs Maynard fight, apparently Dana White is pretty pissed about how the fight went and how it was judged. Blah, blah, blah, Guida monkey, blah, blah, points, blah, blah, put on a show, blah, blah, blah, and then Franklin knocked out The Axe Murderer, blah, blah, and people left the fights early. Get all that? Good, let’s move on. There’s a chance for three more listeners to get in on a fight at Ellismania 8 for the good ole’ blindfolded dog shock collar fight, as long as their names aren’t @cogdeth or @Dutch_RDS. Mayhem came on the show today and brought with him Big Daddy Mayhem Cakes. I don’t know if anyone else has caught this feeling or if it’s just me, but it really does seem like ever since Mayhem retired, he’s changed a little bit and so to it seems like the relationship between he and Ellis has as well. I don’t know, maybe I’m just reading into things. But you can’t deny the recent “n-bomb” fiasco, the excuse of “not kid friendly image” for Mayhem to go to the Hooters contest, and then Ellis ignoring the invite to Mayhem’s pineapple pool party.

While Rawdog’s dad may not have been proud to know that salad is so foreign to his son that he has no idea if you eat it with a fork or your fingers, I had a proud moment while writing this re-cap and my daughter was sitting on the toilet peeing, singing Any Way You Want It by Journey. Do you ever wonder if your mom has ever been proud of you? I mean I’m sure she has been at some point, though probably not as proud as she was of herself for breaking the most anal cream-pies taken in one day world record that she just keeps shattering. OH!

Oh yes she did!

Ellis in NYC week – 4/16-20/12

Cobratits.com will be working hard to deliver every interview Ellis does for his NYC book tour promotion.

Monday 4/16/12:

SiriusXM Stars – Jane Pratt Radio – 25min

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SiriusXM OutQ – The Frank DeCaro Show – 24min

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Tues 4/17/12:

SiriusXM H100 – The H.Stern Show – 65min

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MMA Weekly Radio
Or listen/download here

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SiriusXM Rawdog Comedy with “Mark Says Hi” – 30min

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Bonus: Previous Howard Stern appearances

11/30/11 – 56min

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4/6/11 – 100min

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2/9/10 – 105min

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6/24/09 – 57min

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Wed 4/18/12:

98.9 The Rock – The Johnny Dare Show – 11min

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Thurs 4/19/12:

SiriusXM Dr. Radio – Sports Medicine Radio – 22min

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101 WRIF Detroit – The Drew & Mike Show – 10min (cut short, will fix if interview is posted online)

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CJAY 92 Calgary – Forbes & Friends – 6min

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Fri 4/20/12:

Bonus: Previous appearances on O & A

12/1/11 – 54min

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4/5/11 – 69min

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9/30/10 – 80min

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The Jason Ellis Show As of December 2011

Here is the re-cap of The Jason Ellis Show for December 2011.

The basics are:

  • He and his wife split up.
  • He went to rehab.
  • He had relapsed for at least several months before he and his wife split, before he went to rehab, as well as before he had announced it on his show.
  • He discovered that he was molested by his father, rather than a family friend, which he had supposedly always thought.
  • He is currently going to therapy and trying to calm his demons.
  • The way he speaks, it is over between him and @AndreaMate – She has apparently moved on. Yet deep inside, he prefers to be with her, and it seems mutual as she sent him at least one confusing text message where she seemed jealous. He says they both spoke, both cried, and it is for the best for both of them and the children to be finished. He also said Andrea is with someone who makes her happy. From what he says on the show, he is supportive. Yet one can’t help from wondering if there is at least a little resentment / disappointment from both sides.
  • He has taken more time off this year than in any other year, yet has also made more advancements and appearances than any other year. While the continual replays are tiresome, no doubt he is going through a lot in his life currently.
  • It seems to be clear that he certainly does dedicate and reveal a lot to his fans, yet believe it or not, he still holds back. He is very open and opinionated on his show, but not as much as he is when he is a guest on Howard Stern’s show or Opie & Anthony. This seems to solidify that he is very open and honest, but will only truly open up completely if there is a potential monetary (or other) gain that furthers him and the show. He is a business, as are his co-hosts. They do appreciate their fans, but they also put their actions in a different light from what their real intentions are.

Regardless of all the facts, Ellis, Rawdog, Tully, and even Kevin put on a good show. Better than anything else out there – when they are on. Now that Ellis is starting to get his life back in order, you might just be witnessing the next new thing in radio. You might be listening to history in the making, close to what we did when Howard Stern started getting syndicated across the nation.