Show Recap for Thursday 7/31/2014

Well hello there loyal listeners and readers and what have you, it’s me, Jenny you’re favorite box owner who writes recaps for this wonderful site here to tell you all the important things that happened on Thursday’s show!!! Aren’t you excited? I’m excited!! I had a shitty day and I would much rather sit here and think about the funny stuff that goes on rather than dwell on stupid bullshit life stuff. Can we vote to get rid of all the stupid bullshit life stuff that goes on? Because that would be awesome. So would winning the lottery. I mean…I know money doesn’t buy happiness or anything and I’m not looking for it to, but life would basically be perfect if I didn’t have to worry about money all of the time. I’m complaining. That looks cute on no one.

Now for something that people actually care about, The Jason Ellis Show!!! Woooooo!! Jason opened up the show today talking about how he had a nightmare. A nightmare unlike any other mare of the night that he has previously had in the way that he was actually screaming in the land of waking reality and had to be shaken awake by his bedmate Katie because what the fuck was that all about? Ellis explains how he didn’t actually get to talk about it with Katie until the morning because the pull of sleep on him was so strong that he fell right back into dreamland, but they talked about it in the shower, because what the fuck. Ellis has never screamed because of his dreams before. He gives Tully (and therefore the rest of us the breakdown of his dream) and says that in his dreamnightmareland he was walking around in the woods at night and he felt the presence of something. That something was following him and he knew in his dream that he was feeling apprehensive but he kept walking. But the thing kept speeding up and so he kept speeding up until finally he was running, but the thing was faster and was so inhumanly fast that it zipped right by him. Ellis described it as a Black Alien Beastie thing. Eventually the thing got the jump on Ellis and Ellis prepared to fight it and threw a punch, but it was so fast that Ellis missed and then it was on his back and eating him and that’s when shit went to hell and Ellis started to scream and thrash about and was woken by the Underwear Wolf. Weird man. They talk for a while about what it could mean, or if it really means anything because Tully doesn’t seem to put all that much stock in the whole dream interpretation thing, saying that at night he thinks your brain just spins the proverbial Wheel of Doom and whatever it lands on is what plays behind your eyeballs. He talked about some weird, confusing dream he had where he was super tired and late for something but kept going back to sleep anyway but then trying to wake himself up in his dream he woke himself up in real life and wasn’t able to get back to sleep because the anxiety of being late to something in his dream followed him into the waking world and isn’t that just a bitch? I have suffered from night terrors since the time I was very young, I’ve been told it’s part of the whole abuse thing, but I honestly remember nightmares I had when I was three (which was 3 years before the abuse thing started) so I just think that some people’s brains are more wired to have some fucked up things happen once we lose consciousness and drop the reigns of our brains. There was a psychotherapist listening (Holy Shit!! A board certified smart person called the show, take that Jetta!) and he called the show and they talked about Near Sleep which is when a lot of vivid dreams can occur where you are more likely to thrash around and have physical reactions and screaming while dreaming because that whole gamma-aminobutyric acid shit that normally paralyzes us for sleep isn’t fully kicked in yet. Then a caller who has Narcolepsy called and told the guys about his weird dreams because he lives in a world of being constantly about to fall asleep.

The dream thing gets rolled into a bit of discussion about the upcoming Contract or non-Contract and apparently the future of The Jason Ellis Show and Ellistronics channel is a little more up in the air than he previously thought and things that may they had agreed to are now not so agreed upon and Ellis makes the declaration that if he doesn’t get his own channel and if he doesn’t get the other things in his contract that he wants than he isn’t going to be with SiriusXM anymore and that is just that. This whole contract talks makes me more nervous than it probably should, but I really enjoy having the security of there being a show that I follow and I fucking hate change and there is nothing that I can do that can change the situation with the show and that makes me edgy as fuck. But I’m kind of sure that everything will work out and Ellis will get his channel and everything will be okay because SiriusXM would be straight up stupid if they just wrote him and all of his success off…and I don’t think that they are really all that stupid. It sounds like we’ll know for sure by the end of next week, which is when Ellis’s current contract is up and it’s either the show moves forward and on to bigger and better things…or it goes off into the ether until it comes down in podcast land (probably).

Tully brings up a story that’s been making the internet rounds over the past couple of days involving a man and a woman and a leash. Sounds like something that would be right up Ellis and Katie’s naughty alley…but nah…the man and woman in the news story take it just a bit further than Ellis would be willing to. And why is that? Well, because the woman was walking her boyfriend around town on his hands and knees naked with an anal plug all…you know…up in his anus. In town. In front of people. The pictures that are associated with the news stories are from passersby. And the lady doesn’t get why everyone is so pissed off. It’s rather ridiculous. But Ellis and Tully roll with it and chitchat back and forth for a bit on why it offends them and what kinds of things would make it less offensive or if there is a place for it anywhere in the world outside of the home. Tully is offended by the whole shebang, he wouldn’t even be into seeing it if the guy were fully dressed because that’s just something you do inside your house and don’t let your neighbors in on. Ellis thinks that if he came across a woman walking a man around on a dog leash he would laugh, unless his kids were around, because it’s not cool for kids to see butt plugs. That’s right, kids should not see butt plugs. But Ellis also brings up the point that if they were fully clothed, he doesn’t think that his kids would think that it was anything more than two people who might be kinda crazy and were acting funny and they see tons of weird shit on the street on Sunset in LA all the time. Like that guy on a skateboard in short shorts with no shirt on and a huge boner. Ellis and Katie have seen that guy in all of his bonerific glory twice now. Tully says that if he were by himself or around other adults he would probably get a laugh but if anyone threw it out there that they should be arrested or that they should be stopped, he would agree with them, because there should probably be a law against that. There is a law against that. If the couple does get arrested…they could technically have to register as sex offenders depending on the level of complaint, and that’s something that follows you around for the rest of your life. And, oh god, if someone comes forward with their kid that saw this all go down…they are insta-pedos. Now, keep in mind that this couple was in their fifties…they should really have a little bit more sense. I’m all for doing what ever floats your boat (within the normal limits of no beastiality or pedophelia or killing people) but, you also gotta know that there’s a time and a place.

Back from the first break, Tully poses a question to the listeners- if the devil were to pop up and offer to make you a deal in exchange for your eternal soul, what would you trade your soul for? Ellis can’t really think of anything that he would trade his soul for at this point in life cause, you know, he’s basically achieved the things that have been on his list thus far and he has kids to think about before he goes and makes deals with the devil, and Tully can’t really come up with anything that he would trade his soul for either. But, the listeners, oh boy do the listeners come up with a wide range of things that they would sell their souls for- from being able to master the piano, to being able to master anything and everything, to being the ruler of the world, and being able to see the entire development of mankind from the dawn of time, and…it was pretty entertaining. Hubbs and I talked about if there was anything that we would trade our souls for if we come across the devil. And…nah. The thinking behind this is that I, being an atheist first and foremost don’t believe in either God or Satan and that kills it for me, but if Satan were to appear to me, Hubbs said then that would prove that God is real and therefore we would not do anything to spoil spending eternity in Heaven. I mean, when you get down to it…a few years on this mortal coil is nothing compared to an eternity and I would way rather spend an eternity in Heaven (even with all the gospel music and ass kissing that must go on up there) than spend an eternity in Hell. I’ve read lots of books…Hell sounds awesome in exactly zero of them. Especially after reading The Divine Comedie…there’s a whole logic to the setup of Hell, and if I’m being honest, the most tempting thing for me to trade my soul for would be for $100 Billion with the guarantee that I live to be like 90…but even that I wouldn’t reallllllly go for cause…do you know what my eternity in Hell would be? My eternity in Hell would be spent upside down ingesting Human sewage. Eternity. Ingesting sewage. Because of my greed. I don’t even like talking about poop. Could I spend an eternity inhaling it? Nope. So not worth it.

Back in the studio Joel and Benji Madden are here to hang out and talk with Ellis and Tully!!! They talk a lot about…everything. How Benji and Ellis are besties, how Joel finally let it be known that he was cool with Ellis and Ellis training with Benji for Benji’s fight and them punching each other a lot and yadda yadda yadda. Honestly, this whole part of the show was really hard for me to follow because they’re motherfucking twins and sound exactly the same to me and I was never a fan of Good Charlotte and don’t know their personality quirks enough to be like, “Oh that’s totally Joel” or “Of course Benji would say that” so my asshole recap of this is…they talked a lot about everything. One, or both of The Madden Bros tell Ellis how he was a huge influence for them and their new album and how this album is really something that they love and are proud of and worked hard for and it’s a different sound probably from what the fans are used to, but they’ve grown and all that noise. They talk a lot about Australia because Joel and Benji and Good Charlotte and basically like God in Australia and they are into rugby and I think it was Joel who hung out down there with Russell Crowe because he owns a rugby team and he said that Russell Crowe was really cool, which is funny because on Wednesday’s show Tully and Ellis were taking it out really hard on Russell Crowe and I laughed about that for a bit. They play a new song off their new Album called California Rain and I really liked it, but when I looked at Twitter everyone on twitter hated it. Whatever. I like terrible music, so I’m not really surprised about that. I mean…I fucking love Kesha too. Hate on it all you want. It wasn’t a bad song, I am musically inclined, I play guitar and can sing and shit and I can tell good music from bad music. I know it’s not along the lines of the kind of music a lot of Ellisfam listen to, but it was a good song. I’ll probably download that song, and maybe the rest of the album when it comes out. Hate on, haters. Maybe Ellis was kissing ass because it’s his bestie and his bestie’s twinnie, that’s what friends do, motherfucker.

After the song plays, Benji has made his exit, but Joel decides to stick around for a while and get to know Ellis a little bit more in his world and answer phone calls and talk to fans and talk about his life and his wife and his kids. He, as you may or may not know, is married to Nicole Richie, daughter to the famous Lionel Richie who is apparently the coolest father in law in the world. Nicole is someone that Ellis always feels awkward around and Joel says that she’s an intimidating person and Tully and Ellis joke that Joel is probably intimidated by her also. Joel talks a bit about how he and Benji left home once they were 18 to go to LA and get into the biz and how they left in the middle of the night and survived by making friends and couch surfing and being determined that if they stuck the path then they would succeed. A caller called and asked Joel if Nicole was into Anal and he got hung up on and congratulated for making it past HotDog, and then there was a super really enthusatstically big Good Charlotte fan who called and thanked Joel for basically changing his life and he was so happy and into it that I could not stop laughing but Joel said that it made his day.

And then the show ended because Ellis had to be out of there to go to that Globe thing with the surfer movie world premiere that HotDog was uninvited to.

Things we learned on The Jason Ellis Show Today:

Joel got a 73 on the punch pad

Benji re-punched the pad and did worse than his first time, so his 72 has an asterisk now

Tully literally dreams about being Nick Swardson’s protoge

Ellis wants people to leave sharks alone

Ellisfam souls are on sale for cheap for Satan

Benji is really close with Joel’s kids

Ellis punched Benji so hard in the head he went deaf for a day

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden keep their work lives seperate

Sparrow Madden loves Jacques Cousteau and he is 5

Joel Madden is scared of the ocean

Nicole Richie loves Katie (duh, who doesn’t?)

 

Show Re-Cap for Thurday 5/9/13

Sup fuckers, it’s yet another Thursday with your Uncle Ghostload, and the ADHD is heavy today.  Ellis’s jaw hurts cause he’s been sleeping crooked and shit’s breaking on him.  Why do crab’s sleep sideways?  But like Tully points out, if there was a roided up smurf, beating the shit out of all the other smurfs, and your 6 foot ass rolled into town, blue roided up smurf would bring it to you despite your towering appearance cause that’s all he knows how to do!  Which really just means Ellis wants to get back on his board and shred, but not with a bunch of 14 year old kooks.  And Linsanity would be more likely to be Ellis skate board buddy, not to dare be confused with his DP buddy, since Tully is too old a dog to learn that new trick.  Did you know that Will practically gave birth to Silverchair?  I mean this dude was the first to play them state side, and he was the dude that picked them up at the air port in Hotlanta, I mean practically raised those little warlords.  Some crazy dude wants to be Ellis’s fight date buddy, again not his DP buddy, but this dude has never trained, just lifted some weights……well, get it up ya mate!  Speaking of crazy dudes, Rawdog is all set to go to Mars.  He even has it planned to coincide with the his last TJES show in roughly 6 years…….and then I lost transmission……..

 

 

........until they give Ellis $1,000,000.

……..until they give Ellis $1,000,000.

 

…..yeah so I finally got back into The Jason Ellis Show, and just in time to hear them tell some dude to go write a haiku on Silverchair, followed by some other dudes best attempt at “Baby, Baby” or some shit.  So what the hell is going on?  Its the Little Miss Jason Ellis contest!  Yeah I probably should have just switched over to Jude, but I stayed in and here’s what I deciphered.  We had 3 lovely contestants, John, Perry and Jason.  They each went through a well thought our test consisting of the aforementioned Silverchair haiku and a sexy karaoke, as well as eating a banana, a few questions, their overall looks, and of course a turn on the punch machine!  Fuck dude, that’s a lot of shit, this mutherfucker must be important huh.  Perry, who turned out to be the creepy dude, is the ocean and the least fuckable dude, had a haiku more about himself than Silverchair.  Perry did win the punch machine with a solid 66 (Which he used his palm to strike the pad, hmmmm), but came in last in the final voting so fuck off.  John, has huge areolas, which swayed Rawdog’s vote quite a bit, killed “My Humps”, and dominated the banana eating competition.  John had a horrible and uncalled for haiku and more horrible and more-er uncalled for ass or lack thereof, so clearly he isn’t Little Miss Jason Ellis.  Folks, meet Jason, not Ellis just a random dude with the same first name.  Jason knows why bitches be trippin’, haikud the shit out of Silverchair, was easily the sexiest by default, and despite him not knowing how to properly eat a banana, he is the winner of the 2013 Little Miss Jason Ellis Pageant, so enjoy your free shit and don’t ever tell anyone about any of this, ever!!!

 

 

So this is what I pictured, how about you?

So this is what I pictured….

 

Kevin Farley is just a casual laid back dude!  He stopped by the show to shoot the breeze with the fellas, cause you know he don’t give a flying mutherfucking fuck!  Plus, he can do a spot on impression of a cop, so he’s got that going for him.  You ever notice how sometimes in interviews we tend to find out more about Ellis than the guest?  Well, this was kinda like that, but we did find out Ellis and Kevin share a serious bond having brothers who passed and both having to deal, with that and drugs and life and whatever dude let’s talk about Dancing With The Stars.  Kevin’s hosts the road version of the show, which is still mega.  He’s friends with Andy Dick as well, and subtly calls BS on Andy’s new female love thang.  But its not just Ellis that bonded with Kevin today, Tully too shares a bond, University of Wisconsin-Madison bitches!  Turns out that school is like a mini Australia, partying and burnouts.  Kevin also was part of 2gether, a mock boy band, so he knows AJ and all the other boy band stars.  He hangs at Rocking Riley’s, the only Irish Pub in Hollywood as it turns out, and sticks to vodka cause of the calories, but lets just keep that hush hush, its a little touchy.  Lets also keep this hush hush, Tullyvich allegedly has some of Trader Joe’s finest in his home made Red Bull, all alleged of course, yeah come to think of it that didn’t happen, #fucktully.  Back to Kevin, and his new movies!  First off is Project Bigfoot, and this just pissed Rawdog off cause its a spoof on Bigfoot.  After a 5minute exchange of Rawdog justifying Bigfoot being real, and The Loch Ness Monster dodging sonar, Kevin got back to his new movie, Project Bigfoot, which is due out in a few months and should be hilarious.  But lets just say you don’t wanna wait a few months, and want your fix now, BOOM!  No its not called boom ya dumbass, check out Paranormal Movie out on DVD now.  Also, not sure how long you gotta wait for this, but Kevin and Ellis wanna start Titty Fucking Magazine so fuck yeah!  Oh, and finally, for the ladies, if your in the Hollywood area and wanna get titty fucked by a Hollywood Star, thats @ImKevinFarley on twitter – Enjoy!

 

 

Rawdog was quite the little artist!

 

 

Well turns out the ADHD meds are wearing off on yet another tremendous edition of Your Mom’s House, so enjoy Hollywood News kids.  Demi Moore is banging a younger Jason Ellis, good on ya mate!  The Crickets are still alive. Nicole Richie was awesome in her dress she wore at this years Met Gala.  Rawdog ain’t down for eating any crickets, maybe Dom is.  What the fuck is a Met Gala anyways?  Tom Hanks tops the list of Most Trusted individuals.  Julia Roberts is Hindu.  Some dude was swallowed by a hippo.  “Meth Heads Die”, “Tully Beating Potheads”, “Will Suggesting Coke” what do all these  have in common?  They’re just random notes I jotted down, again the ADHD is thick today. Mayhem just figured out he ain’t listening to the show for a few days…….

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…..but I’m sure he would feel better knowing that this dude Min existed back in the day, and could drop a load in the Nile River to ensure to crops would grow, duh!  That reminds me of the time I tricked your grandmother into believing that if I dropped a load in her throat, her teeth would grow back, OH!