Best of Re-Cap for Thursday 3/21/2013

Well slap my sister upside the trailer, how the hell how ya #EllisFam?  It’s Thursday, so only got a few more hours of giving a fuck before we let our true internal loverboy loose cause everybody’s working for the weekend.  Look, I’m sorry for that last one, here’s how your uncle Ghostload, and the fine folks at NoYouAre can make it up to you.  Before we can get to that, let me introduce you to the highly paid and very well off staff you vicariously live through each and every day…..

 

@bitpimps (He’s on everything really, twitter, instagram, your mom, etc.)

lBit got his NYA proverbial dick wet before all of us.  He’s the ace, the guru, and has possibly the most free time as you see on twitter.  He was the first to ever post on the site, with what was just a general monthly overview of the show back in December of 2011, but read the last paragraph and you’ll see why he’s well BitPimps!  The idea of the doing these more often didn’t take much longer to blossom, and thus was born our first daily recap on January 23, 2012, and also the birth of something even bigger smaller than that, but we’ll get to that tomorrow.

 

 

@AZ_RedDragon  (Same as bit, usually at same time too!)

Fucked UpAZ is just the man, up front, right out the gates.  He’s definitely the muscle and our heart of NYA, and who better to tell you he he is, well than himself in his first ever post back in January 2012.  From there is was just cases of beer and anal with your mom for a month or so, until we were blessed with the first of many well worth the wait recaps on March 14, 2012.  It was a Wednesday by the way, read up on who or what…..

 

 

@wiz1010  (a.k.a. Ghostload, also like other two above, but Im filming!)

84876707ea56f96d5e56c16b7363d38cGhostload’s like the guy who talks in 3rd person, ya know the face figure of NYA, sorta like the Puff Daddy to NYA’s Biggie.  Now Ghostload came out the box swinging hard, with pictures n all, well mostly all with his first recap on October 10, 2012.  It’s pretty much been downhill since there, but the kid’s got a lot of swagger so anything’s possible.  Be sure to get it up ya on twitter, instagram and at your mom’s house.

 

 

@CrackerStacker6  (a.k.a Branden, same as others above, but with more style)

get_default_image.phpBranden is the disturbingly creative mind of the NYA and keeps us all on our toes, and sleeping with one eye open.  Once he joined the NYA crew it was immediately off with the hulk gloves n Branden went hard in the muthafucking paint with his first recap on January 30, 2013.  He’s is definitely an intricate part of all this chaos, and your mom’s anus as well!

 

 

@shit_toboggan (a.k.a. Alex, again ditto as above, but usually no one makes it out alive)

4632452_300Now if I’m not mistaking, I believe Alex is the only of us all to compete in EllisMania, so fucking shout out for that shit!  He joined the NYA ledges and just went ape-shit on the keyboard on his first recap back on February 5, 2013.  Since then he’s been shoplifting your attention, and your mom’s monthly government checks!

 

 

Now if your still reading this, your probably taking me seriously on the whole I’ll make it up to ya.  Well, truth is you can go fuck yourself for all I care, unless your EllisFam, which again if your still reading this your probably are.  So for you, I have pulled a few random favorite recaps of mine for you to jerk it to.  Enjoy….

February 7, 2012:  All kinds of goodies here, Rude Jude, DanOD5, and of course the NMT discover of Die Antwoord, fuck yeah!

May 25, 2012:  Classic Picture and MMA is 5% gay!

July 2, 2012:  Bit’s true identity is leaked by AZ, I probably shouldn’t have pulled this one but fuck it.

August 17, 2012:  Ellismate finally on TMZ?  Doing stuff with Gabi, so hot!

September 20, 2012:  Dog Center!!!  Oh, and the birth of Jizz Cult.

November 19, 2012:  The “You Don’t Know Shit About Ellis” game.  Fuck I didn’t even remember this.

December 6, 2012:  Mike Dolce’s diet.  The last time we ever hear from Dana White.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 1/22/2013

This kid will one day slay more poon at the AVN Awards than anyone else.

This kid will one day slay more poon at the AVN Awards than anyone else.

Wassup you filthy, shameful, fuckers of mothers and fathers? Let’s see what today’s show has in store for us. We got a new old show intro, the Taintstick Balls version made a comeback and I think that makes everyone happy. The guys took a little time to perfect their “balls” screams. Apparently there were a few people who were pissed that they weren’t live yesterday, and they’ve been invited to come to EllisMania and each of them get 1 minute to fight Ellis. In awesome news, Vitor Belfort knocked the shit out of that turd faced, neo maxi zoom dweebie, Michael Bisping! Jude came in with his shiny ass shoes and multicolored striped socks to lay his two cents on the table about MMA, and how he has yet to be jacked off by the girl who cuts his hair. Ellis went to the AVN awards over the weekend, and realized that porn stars on the red carpet aren’t nearly as funny as they think they are. Who knew? Since Ellis was there with Katie and Malice, dudes were thinking he was banging both of them by himself, so there was no shortage of creepy dudes coming by fist bumping and trying to hang at their table in hopes of at least getting to watch them and jerk off or something.

Grab your soup and smokes, it's NMT.

Grab your soup and smokes, it’s NMT.

Wanna go see some acoustic metal? If you said yes, then check out Machine Head dates: Riverside, CA 1/23; San Diego, CA 1/24; Anaheim, CA 1/25; Fullerton, CA 1/26. This brought us to an early version of NMT, but before that, Tully saw an increasingly rare sight, some dude wearing a jean jacket with Agent Orange and rocker clothes and shit. You thought they were extinct, but oh no, there are still a few that exist. We got to hear some of that outlaw country stuff Johnny Knoxville was telling us about when he was on the show, and then a bunch of other garbage – with the exception of Adam Ant. According to Ellis and Tully, Rawdog makes a weird “I’m giving an amateur blowjob” face when he’s grooving to music. Coming up next was America’s favorite (after Rawdog’s mother) paper champ porn star, Belladonna, showcasing her deep throating skills on a massive dildo. She also provided some helpful information, if you purchase any toys (like a massive dildo), make sure it doesn’t smell or it’s going to burn your asshole.

How I imagine Cumtard felt staring down the dildo he had to nuzzle and suck on.

How I imagine Cumtard felt staring down the dildo he had to nuzzle and suck on.

Then we got some shock collar movie review with Cumtard reviewing the movie “Dredd” that stars nobody you fucking heard of. Of course he got the shit shocked out of him, but the real twist here was that Ellis made him another bet, if Ellis watched the movie and thought it sucked, Cumtard had to suck a dick and get shocked during his oral performance. The twist? Ellis said he already saw the movie and thought it sucked! Enter Brockallina and a shock collar while Belladonna gave dick sucking advice to Cumtard, you know, to really spice things up and make everyone that much more happier. The movie sounds like it could be a pretty big piece of shit, but according to Cumtard and the Twitter-sphere, it’s a good movie – so IBM presents, you make the call. Belladonna stayed in studio to administer some excellent advice to a bunch of a different callers about all their different sexual questions. And I’ll tell you what, she’s way better than a Dr. Ruth. People used to think your mom, given her chosen profession as sex worker, would be good at giving sexual advice. Turns out her answer to every question was, “just close your eyes and try not to think about the fact that you’re eating shit covered in jizz.” Needless to say, most people didn’t take her advice and chose to just puked in her mouth, fuck it, and then left. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 1/8/2013

Is this what you imagine when Rawdog is just about to climax and his gay roommate comes home?

It’s Tuesday and so far Sirius XM Online player is working! Yay! Ellis still might have worms, he went to the doctor today to get his blood tested, only time will tell. He’ll either shit out some worms, chew someone’s face off, spew chunks, or none of that. Tully has his own porn viewing standards, and those standards do not include annoying porn dudes that look like jerks, loud, obnoxious bitches that yell a lot while getting banged, etc. Jude stopped in to give his feelings on pills, slapping bitches, and making them eat off the floor. He told us of having a chick over that wanted to get spanked, but he wanted her to do chores, so he took it easy on her until she finished doing his laundry. Now that’s one classy motherfucker! He says he (and she) feel a little dead inside after their done with the humiliation session, but one has to imagine that going into a k-hole takes all that away. The guys moved on to rub-n-tug massage parlors and the various experiences they’ve had. Jude is on a first name basis with most of the bitches working those joints, Ellis has only done it a few times, Rawdog would rather have someone touch his dick that is in love with him, and Tully found out he likes to Yelp rub-n-tug massage parlors. Hey, ladies, good news according to a female caller! Sounds like you can get happy endings from massage parlors as well, you just gotta get so wet you leave visual evidence so the masseuse can tell what kind of mood you’re in.

Canadians don't lock their doors, American's didn't lock their doors until the lock was invented.

Canadians don’t lock their doors, American’s didn’t lock their doors until the lock was invented.

We got a “Canadians Am I Right?” segment today, topping the scales was a story of a stolen outhouse with a $500 Canadian Tire reward for anyone with information on the severely missed shit hut. There were some more stories, but no pictures, because Canada doesn’t have camera’s. People draw on the walls of their igloos and inside caves. Did you know Rawdog used to hitchhike in Santa Cruz? He’s been in cars with “some guy” that would take him home from school, sounds a little suspect and a whole lot of crazy. Since you didn’t know that, I assume you also didn’t know there are 17 billion planets similar in size and shit to Earth, just in our solar system! “DANG!”, said Jebus. Does that mean life on Earth is an accident? Does it mean that there is for sure got to be more life out there than just us? Or does it mean that Rawdog does indeed hear his father’s speech impediment and is just bullshitting everyone when he says he does not hear it. Guess what else the Lord gave us today? That’s right, NMT. Word (bullshit or not) is that David Bowie was a nobody until the moon landing and his manager convinced someone that British TV should play his “Space Oddity” song during the televised moon landing, and then Bowie blew the fuck up. Well Bowie released some piece of lullaby shit and we got to hear part of it, and just before everyone fell asleep, Rawdog introduced some Dropkick Murphys. Word (bullshit or not) is that Cullen instantly got a boner and went straight into the bathroom to take care of it. Jason Newsted has a new album out with his band, either the album, the band, or both are aptly and creatively named, “Newstead.” If you wanna check the rest of NMT out, you can go to The Ultimate Playlist.

Just calling it like we see it.

Just calling it like we see it.

Kevin Garnett allegedly said Carmelo Anthony’s wife tastes like Honey Nut Cheerios. I’m not so sure that was meant as an insult, them bitches are pretty fuggin’ tasty, jack. Now let’s calm it down and release some of that angry frustration that just got dropped on us by the Honey Nut Cheerios remark. It’s MMA trivia time, with Ellis reading the questions and Tully and Rawdog trying to answer correctly. Tully eked out a narrow victory over Rawdog, and all was right in the world again. Speaking making things right in the world, your mom was feeling sick and one of her hooker friends suggested she gargle with mouthwash to help kill the germs, problem was, you’re mom is so poor she can’t afford mouthwash. In her quest for mouthwash, she finds this broke ass Eskimo lady that’s always sitting in the park drinking Listernine, because she can’t afford real alcohol. She asks the Eskimo lady if she have just a shot, the poor lady says, “I’m sorry, but I’ve drank it all already, but I drink enough that I bet I’ve got something that will work.” Excited, your mom responded, “That would be great! What is it?” The Eskimo lady hands her a cup of what looks like coagulated blood and tells your mom to just gargle and then slam it real quick, and she does. Your mom gagged and nearly puked all over the place, she asked, “What the hell was that? That was horrible!” The Eskimo lady says to your mom, “What’s the difference between menstrual blood and sand? You can’t gargle with sand.” OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 12/18/2012

You gonna masturbate with that bleeding cock or what?

You gonna masturbate with that bleeding cock or what?

HOLY SHIT Y’ALL! WHO FARTED? Hahahahaaa! Man, I’m a killer. Anyways, let’s all just calm the fuck down for a second here and remember, it’s Tuesday, and we’ll never forget! At least until Friday, actually, maybe tomorrow, I promise. Have you ever thought you were gonna die? Terrifying wasn’t it? Yea, you betchya. Ellis was in a Soundgarden video this morning, doing things and stuff. He also smashed his head and it left a mark. Turns out it was from a dildo – that’s right, a dildo related injury to the dome is how you know your life is headed in the right direction. Rawdog had a sex related injury once, his girlfriend got on top of him the wrong way and I assume he got that weird boner pop that don’t feel too good. Some MMA fighter broke his dick too, poor motherfucker had to get dick stitches too. Cumtard, the rolling rave machine, squeezed his dick so hard to stop himself from pissing that he pinched the tip of his off. Who scalps their own dick? Queue the callers, all with dick injury pecker wrecker stories, and if you’re a male listener, you spent the majority of the time cringing. Maybe today should be exploding dick awareness day? 12/18/2012 Never forget!

A wreath of Franklins...get it?

Speaking of celebrities… A wreath of Franklins…get it?

Instagram terms of service has changed and everyone is going ape shit. Basically, they can use your username and photos, sell that shit and give you no duckettes in return. This isn’t anything new among the larger social media websites, Facebook, Four Square, etc. all have terms of service that are very similar, your shit is not private, if you want full privacy, don’t upload content to social media websites. Or, you can just do whatever Pink decides you should do. Some dude that hacked Scarlett Johansson’s phone and leaked nude photos of her got 10 years in the clink. “Flocka Claus” is a thing on Twitter. Donald Trump won a $5 million dollar judgement against an ex-Miss USA contestant. Charlie Sheen donated like $75k to some girl with cancer, so Stevie Wonder donated $100k and then sang to her, just to fuck with Sheen. Tom Cruise has specified zones for his house staff, they can’t just go walking all willy nilly through his crib. They also had to pass a bunch of tests and shit, which isn’t crazy at all, nope, not at all. Lindsay Lohan has asked friends to start sending letters to a judge in an effort to make her look not so fucking stupid. Cameron Douglas, son of Michael Douglas, got his leg broke on a $100 bounty or some shit while serving time in the slammer for dealing meth and shit.

Last minute gift ideas for mom or Rawdog? We got you covered!

Last minute gift ideas for mom or Rawdog? We got you covered!

Moscow’s own super racist, anti-gay soccer fans want an all white, non-gay team to represent their community, and they also say they are not racist. New video today of Doing Stuff with Rawdog, where he tries to do an ollie on a skateboard, you can go see that tomfoolery on EllisMania.com if you want. NMT year’s end round-up version today, being that this is the last Tuesday in this year of our Lord Wolfknives 2012. There’s also a new blog where Rawdog will be posting NMT playlists and writing other things for about a month or so before he gets bored with it and moves on to something else. To be honest, even though this was one of the shittiest years in music, it was also the best NMT we’ve heard in awhile. I think mainly because I’ve heard most of the songs on today’s list, or maybe it’s because we got to hear the guys’ and friends of the show favorite songs from 2012. Things got so exciting that Burger Ellis pissed on Big Daddy Jayce Cake’s jacket! Consider it payback for the broken leg. Fuck it, I’m done. Great news! Your mom won the “Classiest Lady In The Hood 2012” award when I overheard her say, “What’s the difference between menstrual blood and sand? You can’t gargle with sand.” OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 12/12/2012

YNThe Jason Ellis Show is back undoubtedly thanks to Burbank Dave and his ability to be at Jason’a help at a moments notice. Elephants are wrinkly, so are cats, especially when they are hairless and can’t hide their wrinkly ball sack looking skin. Ellis was invited to go to a red carpet event of Disney on Ice with his kids. Nothing cooler than your Dad being interviewed by a bunch of people that think he’s Jason Stathams stunt double. Rawdog claims that he has seen a car flip over during high winds while being blown by Jessica Simpson. There are a number of things that make this story improbable. First only Josh and Burbank Dave have ever seen a car flip due to winds, and second, there is no enough room in Josh’s car for Jessica to be able to properly blow him.Disney on Meth

There’s only one day left to bid on the charity jam they call the Jason Ellis Show Experience. Okay, maybe I just call it that but the current bid is just over 5 grand! Goos job EllisFam. Ever wonder what your baby is worth on the black market? Rawdog took a quicksmells like shit survey from tully and out of 50 fruits and vegetables, he only likes french fries. If anyone was shocked by that please stop reading this, you will never get it. Ezekiel Bread is made with poop. Yup, poop. It used to be made with cow poop but then the people bitched to God about it and because God likes a good joke, told them to use their own poop and they did and God laughed. Its in the Bible, and more importantly its’s on the internet so that makes it true.

Thank you to the ladies for helping out with the “What Do You Think Of These” segment, it sounds like the guys really enjoy it. And if you would also like us here at NoYouAre to give our opinion please CC us a copy, thank you. Panama is making their canal wider which means that they can take a bigger load through their wet passage. And speaking of Panama, segway, a Panama woman got caught smuggling coke in her breast implants. Here’s the Yoko Ono video, and that’s all I need to say about that. Whats left of Nirvana and Paul McCartney are performing together for a charity event and so are Octomom and The Dudesons. And Here’s the Anti-Scientology rap. New Music Tuesday Wednesday was a menagerie of shit featuring Metta World Peace, Cassidy Pope, Big Boy, and some other shitty music that made me want to put sharp objects into my ears.

Hollywood News is brought to you by Anne Hathaway’s pussy. According to some magazine, some chicks are hot, Ricky Martin wishes to come out of the closet again so he can be twice as gay, and Brook Mueller (Charlie Sheen’s ex) is going to rehab, again, for the 19th time. Good luck with this one. The 19th time’s the charm. And then there was final calls where we learned that Australians are just the American version of The Dudesons, drunk and possible retarded. I shouldn’t say mean things like that though. We all thought yer mum was retarded, the way she constantly drooled and slobbered, that is until we realized it’s just all the left over man goo that was seeping out, OH!The Dudesons