Tag Archives: mike_in_canada

Show Re-cap For Thursday 1/24/2013

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Yet another Aids Thursday at The Jason Ellis Show, but today was just a little feminine, well more than usual.  In fact, we all had vaginas before we were born, which probably explains why Rawdog knows the words to TLC’s ‘No Scrubs’.  Yes he did sing it for us, but wasn’t near as gay feminine as the dong Tully played from his personal library.  Enough with the pussy talk, did you know Tiggy has butt cheeks in his feet, named Bill and Ted.  And even more manly than that, Rawdog fish tailed in his car the other night,   and almost kept it on the road.  Even more manly than that, is keeping civil conversations with yo’ baby mama’s so you don’t fuck the kids over.  Also important to never trust a Catholic Priest for the same reason really.  Of course if he’s just a priest from another Christian religion, just keep an eye on that dude aight!  As much as we hope there’s a ghetto in heaven, we equally hope hell’s got something righteous for these kid fuckers.  Of course, if hell is like Tully seems to recall, then were just in a constant state of fire, which Ellis wouldn’t mind too much.  Jerk his fire dick and shoot his fire load, Red Dragons!  More on Catholics, Jizz Cult sent a link to Tully about how they conveniently said fetuses aren’t people when being sued, but they are when it comes to kicking your chic down a flight of steps if she’s gained a few pounds, ya know for added insurance.  Sure that might make for a bad first date, sure glad Rawdog didn’t use those tactics for his 1st date with this new short petite chic.  No titties or BJ’s for the Dog, just back to the house to jerk it to Sonic Youth and celebrity porn.

 

Watch out for those waterfalls Rawdog!

 

What is The Jason Ellis Show without a dose of Hometown Hollywood News?  Probably a reply, but today we found out that Justin Bieber is a funny muthafucker, and told this Colette bitch to shut the fuck up.  Kris Jenner used to beat her kids, and a lot of other dudes off, so says Bobby Kardashian’s journal.  If you were curious what that “chic” Manti Te’o had a false crush on sounds like, Bobs your uncle!  Sylvester Stallone paid his half-sister off, either for abusing her back in the day, or most likely cause its easier to pay the crazy pill popping bitch off than put up with it.  Halle Berry is seriously selling the shit out of Tostito’s, check her guacamole titties out!  Lindsay Lohan’s new movie The Canyons Movie was rejected from both Sundance and South By Southwest citing its lack of quality in a movie.  Good Grief, Charlie Brown was arrested for stalking, which just reminds Tully with today’s technology, stalking is as easy as its ever been.  It didn’t take Tiger too long to get some new snatch, check her out.  And it didn’t take Tiggy that long to drop another #FuckTullyHellYeah.

 

I knew something was up with that dude

I knew something was up with that dude

 

In STD News, those sick cunts may have found a cure for Aids.  Then we played a game, and shout out to @mike_in_canada for this one……Ultimate Survival Tactics with Rawdog as your host.  Well, the game was a great idea, but having Rawdog be the voice of reason made for some radio gold.  Here’s the setting, Donald Schultz flies Ellis, Tully and Cumtard out to Africa, to get away from any Blick Dragons and back to nature.  Only the helicopter crashes, Donald burns up with it, and the 3 are left to fend for themselves.  So hotshot, what do you do?   Despite Tully’s ideas of killing Cumtard, you basically just put a stick in everything and you will survive.  Here’s the best I can tell you to do if ever lost in the Savanah of Africa, first you gotta find shelter, and tie shirts around your legs to soak up water from the grass.  Then, you just set the whole fucking place into a wildfire to stay warm, of course if the helicopter’s explosion hasn’t already achieved this goal.  Then you take an air bath using dirt for soap, clean your teeth with a stick, and lock your hands together when crossing a river.  Oh, don’t forget to throw a rock in the river, so you can properly gauge the depth, that’s key!  If you get a tick, just shoot your jizz over him to suffocate him.  If your foot hurts, just harden the fuck up.  Oh, and last but certainly not least, if your ever in a snow storm, in Africa mind you, just take a shit in the coroner and let the heat and smell waft your way to keep you warm.  This is all true!

 

What do you do hotshot?

What do you do hotshot?

 

Woman Am I Right?  So this Portland lady got stuck in between two buildings, and this is the 3rd story like this  in months.  This lady in Washington smothered her man to death with her huge knockers, again another instance of this but resulting in death this time.  Curious to see the world’s widest hips, check her out.  In Juno, Wisconsin at ‘Silk Exotic’, these two bitches fought over a dollar, despite one of them being with child.  Women in Vancouver have started their own fight club, Woman Am I Wrong?  Nope, its a pillow fight club, check it out!  Some girl bit her mom’s thumb off during an argument, but couldn’t find that link.  I did find this link, to these two bitches at their holiday party, and the bitten off finger nail that transpired.  In Scotland, this Chinese lady stole this other Chinese lady’s valuables, cause the other lady is a dumb bitch.  I also tried to find the story about the lady who stole a 40pound dildo, but every key word just found me tons of porn.  OK, I’m back!  Just in time for this lady, who got out of 6 speeding tickets, by calling in a fake nearby emergency to 911.  This Swedish woman stole and crashed a fucking train into an apartment building, which ain’t that easy to do.  From there, just a Reno woman who killed her man over porn, some lady bit her mans ear off for her 19th offense since 2003, we heard about the lady who drove 900+ miles instead of 90 cause she’s a moron, and some lady got her 5 dead cats names tattooed on her back.  Woman Am I Right?

 

 

Remember when Will notified us that Woman are now allowed in combat?  Well, that was the rest of the show.  Woman are fucking awesome in war, woman fucking suck in war.  Period blood attracts bears so that’s not good at times of war.  You can leave a dude to die, but you can’t leave a bitch to die.  Callers Am I Right?   Brand new for today,  EllisMate is posting a photo on Instagram, and reading the comments at the end of the show….so be sure to follow @wolfmate on Instagram, and get some better shit for him to read or its over.  Also, don’t forget to check out the Roast of Dee Snider tonight, with Jim Florentine, Jim Norton and many others, all on AXS.tv.  I personally won’t be able to catch it, as I will be knee deep in your mom’s snatch, looking for shelter like Rawdog told me too.  But not until I first throw a rock in that pussy to see just how deep it is…..still waiting for a ‘Ker-Plunk’, OH!

 

 

Show Re-cap For Thursday 1/3/2013

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Today’s show is dedicated to the troops and to lesbians.  But not the lesbians that fuck women only, but the ones who will take a dick from time to time.  So for the lesbian troops out there, this one’s especially for you.  If your a twisted robot nympho that wishes you could impregnate Wall-E, this one’s especially for you!  What were the New Year resolutions for the crew you wonder….Ellis doesn’t have one, just his desire to dominate radio and be famous.  Rawdog on the other hand just wants to get out of bed half an hour after the alarm goes off.  He also wants to be more social in his life, maybe getting a little pussay if you know what I mean.  This all inevitably led to Rawdog needing to pump iron, so he can pump the ladies.  After a few callers admitted their tragic downhill turn in life due to Ellis and Rawdog not going to the gym regularly like they were going too, we got action.  So again, Ellis n Rawdog are going to the gym to work out, starting Monday, so let that inspire you to at least put down the fucking chocolate eclair and go outside.  This will also lead to about 1,000 new cases of STD’s accross the nation, well with all the action everyones gonna get being all ripped n shit.  Oh and Scott Greenstein gets mad pussy yo!

 

18631-desktop-wallpapers-wall-e

Wall-E also enjoys a snowball now and then

 

So this lady found a video of her boyfriend fucking another chic, and posted the sex tape online to get revenge, but only ended up fucking herself over.  Ever wonder what happened to Bill the Scorpion?  Yeah me either, but he called the show from heaven.  Yeah he’s dead now and chillin with 2-pack up there, so there is a ghetto in heaven, good to know.  Sounds like heaven as made Bill a little less racist, but still irritable as all fuck.  He gave a shout out to the communists, butt chuggers and amish out there “Die Mutherfuckers!”  Love that guy and in case your not sure who Bill the Scorpion is, just ask Cumtard and he’ll break it down for you, along with what Red Dragons means and anything else  you need to know, love that guy too.  In case your not sure Bill’s dead, just ask Tully or Will and find out for yourself, the hard way!  While your at it, ask Jizz Cult about the black widow scare of ’88, or the bed bug massacre in ’92, crazy shit man.  Just don’t go pissing Shiny Shins off though, or end up like these two girls parents, just for not letting them use the internet.  And finally, if you’ve ever wanted to be Asian, Bob’s your uncle.

 

Shit Sully LOOK OUT!!!

Shit Sully LOOK OUT!!!

 

Russia has declared beer to no longer be part of their food pyramid, but Vodka is still a key to any nutritious diet.  So what advice can the show give to teens out there struggling to make it in this crazy world?  How about kill yourself, which was the answer to the majority of such questions as “My girlfriend gets mad I rollerblade” or “My friend has keeps having crushes on the same guys I like”….yeah just fucking off yourself.  One chic was dating a cowboy, cause mom said cowboys are fucking hot, and dude beats her and does drugs n shit, yeah she should probably just kill her mom.  So should this other teen bitch whos got a 25year old sister with a little rug rat, sleeping in her room at her parents house cause she ain’t got a job or a life.  Anyways, back to the kill yourself people….Can I get pregnant with my underwear on…..can I get pregnant by swallowing load….I am a teen girl and want a baby – ok especially this bitch!  You get the drift, some funny shit if you wanna go back n check it out.  If you do, be sure to stick around for the bitch whos on her 16th day of heavy menstruation, its a hoot!

 

You maybe wanna get that shit checked out lady

 

New Adventure’s with Danny and the Dingo Cumtard everybody.  Every time that Kevin fucks up on the show, Ellis is going to torture him.  So today’s torture was the ol’ hot waxing the armpits, but while Cumtard made little kitty cat noises.  This go around they didn’t have the professional shit that ladt brought in, but just some store bought shit that wasn’t the same, but Cumtard persevered thanks to his meds he’s back on.  They make it harder for him to blow his load, but they keep him leveled out.  He’s also cut back on drinking as well, good on ya mate!!!  Andy Dick on the other hand doesn’t drink at all anymore, and also came by the show to spit on Tully Sully and Rawdog Mandog for old time sake.  He also came bearing gifts of 2% of the US is adopted, and 40% of crazy people in mental homes are adopted, fuck.  Then it hit him, Andy Dick has been on The Jason Ellis Show before.  He remembers someone smoking weed in the parking lot of swinghouse, probably Mandog I’m sure.  Anyways, Andy stopped in to tell Ellis how awesome his show is and that the Dick is now dating guys exclusively, 5 to be exact.  He’s also kinda bummed that Howard Stern hates him and wishes he could get a minute with him to apologize.  A big heart to heart between Jason Ellis, Andy Dick, Michael Sully and of course Mandog, eventually leading to one key point in all this, if you adopt a child, you MUST read them “Our Chosen Child“, or roll your dice on those percentages Andy gave you earlier.

 

                          DING!

 

In tribute to Andy Dick’s relationship status, Ellis decided to knock the dust of a classic, ‘Dude Is It Gay’.  Before that though, Mandog’s stories of circle jerking it and snowballing came up, to which the idea of swallowing your own load made even Andy throw up in his mouth.  You disgust me Mandog, but you also entertain me so its cool bro!  The circle jerk however really caught Andy’s interest, so much so he plans to stop by the show more often to hear more jewels from his cuddly little friend.  Well that and the chance to meet Thomas Haden Church, who wouldn’t want to be a friend of the show?  Back to Dude Is It Gay, and it is gay to get molested for 6 flags tickets, and to be peed on by any dude, famous R&B star or not.  A new twist to Dude Is It Gay this time, twitter questions.  “Dude is it gay if I tweet @ellismate gay?” is the gayest question ever asked on the show, twitter or phone.  Its not gay to clip your fingernails, but Mike Sully is flaming gay for cutting his with scissors, then using a file to get them just right.  @stapleneck is gay for every and any eskibro he issues, and everything @mike_in_canada tweeted is super Gandalf gay.  Oh shit that reminds me, earlier Sully did a story on some kid who tried to rob a store, and called his mom for a ride home…….but she couldn’t answer as she was in the middle of a pterodactyl with @AZ_RedDragon, @bitPimps and yours truly, OH!

 

EllisFam Interviews

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I have asked for the EllisFam to do a small 8 question interview so that we may get to know one another and how The Jason Ellis Show has changed or impacted our lives. These are their reply’s, unedited and all in their own words. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do, and thank you to everyone who participated. Without you all this wouldn’t be possible.

mike in canada eh? 中 (@mike_in_canada)

  1. Where do you live? I live in Edmonton Alberta Canada.
  2. What is your occupation? As far as I see it, my job is to making people laugh and I’m fucking good at it. Of course I have no statistical evidence of this, nor do I receive any compensation or nudie photos.
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. In my own head I’m the sickest dude ever and I’m sweet to bring to parties.  Did I mention that I’m incredibly narcissistic? Just kidding. #NotReally
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? Nearly 3 years.
  5. How did you discover TJES? Actually, I got in a really bad car accident where I don’t remember anything that happened before or after the crash. When I woke up in the hospital, I was told that my car was demolished beyond repair. The next day I went to get a rental car which just so happened to have Sirius in it, and when I turned the car on it was on Faction 28.  It was completely by chance, or fate, or God (whatever you want to call it) that I found the show and I’ve been listening ever since.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? I used to skate, when I was younger, and I had a picture of Ellis doing the Mega Ramp on my wall. So after my car accident, when I found his show, I heard a guy that transitioned from being a pro skater to the overlord of radio – it made me think that I could transition myself into anything I wanted to, as long as I was willing to work for it.
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? I’m not a guy that’s going to tell you Ellis made me lose 200lbs or anything like that, but the way it changed me is from the people I’ve met and interacted with.  There’s such kindness and good vibes within the Ellisfam that it’s pretty special to be a part of.  Having people tell me that something I said made them laugh or made their day is really cool, and it powers me through the days that aren’t so great.
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? One day I’m going be a writer for the Jason Ellis Show, just fucking try to stop me. Oh and follow me on twitter… @mike_in_canada.

Doug Robertson 中 (@d_rob_70)

  1. Where do you live? Ottawa, IL
  2. What is your occupation? Warehouse Forklift Driver
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. 42 Years Old, Married, 1 grown son (24), Love my wife very much.  LOVE the Chicago Cubs & Buffalo Bills and any Olympics on will be watched on my TV. Only Ellismania I went to was EM5 in Vegas in 2010.
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? Since March ’09
  5. How did you discover TJES? All my BTLS friends had migrated to Ellis so I gave him a try and never went back.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? The comraderie of the EllisFam 1st & foremost.  And I just LOVE the realness of the show.
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? Yes I feel that my confidence level has increased tenfold.
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? No.

If you would like to be apart of the EllisFam Interviews, please contact me (@Az_RedDragon) through twitter and I will send the interview to you.

EllisFam Interviews

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I have asked for the EllisFam to do a small 8 question interview so that we may get to know one another and how The Jason Ellis Show has changed or impacted our lives. These are their reply’s, unedited and all in their own words. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do, and thank you to everyone who participated. Without you all this wouldn’t be possible.

Sleepy Joe (@sleepyjoe_RDS)

  1. Where do you live? Port Orford, Oregon
  2. What is your occupation? Stay at home father
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. I am a disabled commercial fisherman/ranch hand.  Married to a most excellent lady, and have two amazing daughters. Spend most of my time trying to make a positive impact on the Ellis family.
  4.  How long have you listened to TJES? I have been listening to Jason Ellis’s Show since late 07 early 08
  5.  How did you discover TJES?I discovered the show driving a friend of mine to his dialysis, would sit in the parking lot listening to Satellite radio, and changed to faction (cause I love the mix of music they put on) and is was the start of the show. Was hooked instantly cause I see eye to eye with most of the points that the whole crew makes not just Ellis.
  6.  What keeps you listening to TJES? I will always listen to the show, one because my debt to ellis, tully, Shoebox, and even Rawdog. The mix of all those personalities and opinions make the show what it is.
  7.  Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? They have helped me through so much…relapse of addiction to old habits, making a change to battle my ailments such as Anorexia, PTSD, and epliepsy. I gave up right around the same time I fought in Ellismania 4, I was 5 weeks out of open abdomen surgery when I fought, because I gave my word to be in the fight, was against the doctors advice.  Stupid Idea cause I had 4 surgeries when I got back from Vegas. Since that experience I have made the 100% effort to change all this stuff for the better.
  8.  Is there anything else you would like to share? The Jason Ellis show is a much needed impact in the world we live in, to many of us skate rats, troubled youths grown up need someone that understands that kind of life situations. The duty of the Ellisfamily is to spread the word and the show anyway they can, but only for the right reasons.

 

Twisted Trucker (@tank_yanker)

Well, I was expecting a few crazy questions, like favorite position, which hand do you wipe with, describe your O face… But here goes..

  1. Where do you live? I live in central Ontario, commonly called cottage country up here. (Because of all the lakes and trees and shit)..
  2. What is your occupation? I’ve been an owner/operator for 20 years driving a truck. Before all that, I was an industrial millwright, welder/fitter, jack of all trades type. Finally fed up with fucktards in management at one end, and babysitting dummies that failed basic math at the other.. So I shit canned the whole thing, bought a truck, and never looked back.. (What the hell was I thinking)…
  3. Tell me a little about yourself.
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? Been a steady listener of TJES about 4 years.
  5. How did you discover TJES? and pretty much knew of Ellis when the Red Dragons started fucking with Bubba (BTLS) which was funny as shit, so I started to catch his shows then. Been hooked ever since..
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? That’s an easy one!. WTF is gonna happen today?
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? Since listening to the show, and signing up on twitter, the first few people I started following was @AZ_RedDragon, @bitpimps , and @mike_in_canada. Since hooking up with these fuckwits, its expanded to a lot of people in the #EllisFam, and that started my slow roll into hell… But at least I’ll be laughing my ass off when I hit the hot stuff!! Which brings us to…
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? Just so you all know, I genuinely care for each and every one of you, and anytime I can help out, I’m happy to try. I’ve met a lot of stand up people through the #EllisFam, (and some crazy bastids too!). You all really help me get through the miles, and I appreciate you taking the time to be smart asses with me all day! *all this written at 60mph. Yeah, I can multi task like a mofo..* *some names have been changed to protect the innocent*.. **wait!..none of you are innocent** never mind.. carry on…

If you would like to be apart of the EllisFam Interviews, please contact me (@Az_RedDragon) through twitter and I will send the interview to you.



Show Re-cap For Friday 7/13/2012

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Danny O’Donnell vs Alicia Leii

Welp. It’s Friday the 13th, and a lot of you lucky mofo’s are already in Vegas for EllisMania 8. Nobody even invited me. So here I sit, writing a re-cap for your asses, clicking furiously on tweets tagged with #EM8, and getting my box of tissues ready for the bikini contest. But guess what? I lied to you guys again today. But it was a good lie, I swear it! I started shouting out @emilyinSD, @tank_yanker, & @mike_in_canada, claiming it was all of their birthdays. I saw several re-tweets and happy birthday wishes flying. It was glorious! Even though it may not have been their birthdays, just think of how good you made them feel by wishing them one! And guess what, you made my day that much more awesome too by perpetuating my lie! I’ve told you before, I’m a pretty fucked up individual. So see, it wasn’t a bad lie. We got to hear the usual suspects being introduced at the start of the show from Vegas. @DanOD5 turned up as JagerBeard, already drunk and high and sitting on Uncle Mayhem’s lap and semi-chubbed up. And that’s when the real JagerBeard came on the scene to take a large shot of Jager and it sounded like he almost hurled.

Dead Acid Cunt vs Some Hot Readhead in the “Yo Momma Round”

Weigh-ins sounded pretty hysterical with Alicia pushing Dan around and Rawdog telling Ruby that he’s ready to kick her 111 pound ass. Gay Bruediger weighed in at 190 pounds while Ellis weighed in at 198 – let’s just keep in mind that Mayhem was working the scales. Gay started acting a fool almost immediately and ended up threatening to beat up Tully and Rawdog if they played the Jingleberries song about him for his walkout music. There was a quick “Doing stuff with Rawdog” segment, which is always a pleasure to hear and very informative, especially the “how to put on a condom correctly” and “how to insert a tampon correctly” pieces.

Bikini contest winner showing one of her techniques

Rawdog’s go to foreplay move is “necking” and aggressively playing with “titties”, I’m ready for love just typing that shit. The bikini contest was next up on the list of show segments, there were 10 fine ladies who entered the contest and was almost widdled down to 9 after one of the contestants flashed her titties at the crowd. After security talked to her and saw her tits up close, she was allowed to stay and the competition continued. The entire contest was broadcast for free, in streaming HD on Ellismania.com. Shout out to Dead Acid Cunt (@freedrose) for being the runner up and Dead Acid Balls (@hendro9364) for banging that shit!

Your mom’s motto

The remainder of the time was spent with Ellis walking through the crowd taking final calls from fans in the crowd. There were quite a few people who apparently purchased their Wolfknives membership at the show, and they all got their gang names. Mayhem will be debuting his newest career skills tonight as a rapper, and I’m guessing Katie is getting banged in the butt later in the night. And that pretty much wraps up this re-cap, I hope everyone in Vegas for EllisMania 8 is having a great time and staying frosty! I have one last question for you. You know how sometimes when you see really, really, morbidly obese people and you aren’t sure if they’re a man or a woman? Wait, of course you do – you’ve seen your mom lots. OH!