Hi everybody! It was great seeing you all in Vegas, what a blast we had together! I met so many new faces, we shared laughter, stories, food, and good times. We’ve got a lot to cover today, so let’s just dive right into it, shall we? So today’s show was pre-taped, yesterday, about the events from the day before, but aired on Faction today. Let’s try and do this. It’s really not that hard. We already covered Friday’s live show, but we didn’t get to talk about HATEBEAN’s first and last performance that night, nor the Tiger Box concert later that same night, after HATEBEAN! Only HATEBEAN was live on OfficialJasonEllis.com, Tiger Box however, was not – though I believe it was filmed and will eventually be on the site as well. See? Simple, right? Continue reading
It’s Tuesday so shutttttttt uppppppp….cause, you know, that’s how you talk to the ladies when things are getting all hot and sweaty, and you know it’s gotta be true because Ellis said and i am repeating it (and in case you forgot, I am thoroughly female with the nudes to prove it). Moving right along those sexy lines, Ellis has a sweet exploded hemorrhoid flap on his butt and damn, who doesn’t want to lick that and taste his sweet sweet tart ass? Ugh…writing that sentence was kind if terrible and I think I should apologize for you having read it. I’m sorry. That I’m not sorry. Because I have the power and you wanted to know what went on in the show and this is what happened!! It’s not my fault that Ellis is super honest and would like to share Continue reading
Since you’ve been gone I can do whatever I want, I can see whomever I choose, I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant, but nothing, I said nothing, can take away these blues. Cause nothing compares, nothing compares to you. But now that you’re here it’s all good in the hood yo. Oh and today’s recap is brought to you by the tastey, delicious, beautiful bacon and dick torturing bacon splatter. Somewhere in the conversation on bacon Jason and Tully started talking about Kurt Russell, then Goldie Hawn, Kate Hudson, The Hudson River, Superman, and finally Kevin Bacon. See! Everything in life leads back to bacon. Tully saw Mia at the car dealership. I don’t know who she is but I guess she got famous by singing a song with ODB then he fucked her and now she’s fucking creepy Audi salesman at the Mercedes lot. Because Michael saw this sorta famous chick they brought back everyone’s favorite bit, Hollywood News. Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon broke up. Who cares. Kim Kardashian’s shitty app got beat in downloads by Tom Hanks shitty app. Lindsay Lohan failed the ice bucket challenge because she got champagne dumped on her but nobody filmed. Michael Jackson threatened to throw shit snowballs at staff and leisurely pissed all around his house because he’s the mother fuckin king of pop and he’ll piss wherever the fuck he wants. Timberlake offended a bunch of bitch ass pussies on twitter. Rhianna is kicking ass and flickin the bean on Twitter, and Paul Walker is still dead. There’s moto this weekend so keep an eye out for that at a moto track near you. There’s also a UFC fight so keep an eye out for that at an, ummm a UFC track near you?
After the break Katie joined Ellis and Tully to talk about roller coasters and putting bacon in their mouths. But first, some news! A dude and his buddy kidnapped and robbed his fiancé but she used her engagement ring to escape, and after moving in with a long distance boyfriend in Texas some chick to killed him with
a romantic tub of flaming death. Tubs of flaming death are metal. Harley Morenstein of Epic Meal Time finally came in studio, and he did not come alone, he brought bacon. During the interview between mouthfuls of delicious crunchy bacon they talked about bacon, turkey bacon, Canadian bacon, bacon-kabobs, bacon creole, bacon gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple bacon, lemon bacon, coconut bacon, pepper bacon, bacon soup, bacon stew, bacon salad, bacon and potatoes, bacon burger, bacon sandwich. That- that’s about it. If you like bacon check out Epic Meal Time on YouTube.
Tully introduced a new segment called Super Creepy Real Life Stories. Today’s story is about a Russian guy with a collection of human sized dolls. The catch is that they were human sized because they were real humans. Almost. They were dead, fresh from the grave yard. Christian joined the party with his signature hit segment stripped vocals. Here are some of the highlights of the segment. Ronnie James Dio, Brad Delp of Boston, The Temptations, The Turtles, The Beatles, and midway through the segment Ellis invited Catherwood into the studio so he didn’t have to rock out alone in the hallway and coincidentally Christians CD started to malfunction. Coincidence or conspiracy?
After listening to Metallica’s worst song ever, the guys managed to get the CD fixed so we got to hear Lamb Of God, Morrisey, Layne Staley of Alice In Chains, and finally ending with Steve Perry singing Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing. Fucking beautiful. Wanna know what else is fucking beautiful? Fuck Line with Mike Catherwood. But that’s not what they did, they played Who On The Show Is The Most Mexican. Some of the questions were, do you own any Raiders gear? Do you own any Dickies? Have you ever used avocados for anything but good? Have you ever used a check cashing service? Have you ever worn cutoff jeans for swim trunks? Do you like cilantro? Have you ever dated a chick with kid? Have you ever ate balonga in a tortilla? Do you pluralize words that shouldn’t be? If you answered yes to most of those questions then you might smell like tacos and tequila. Ellis and Katie are the most cholo with Jetta being the most obvious super white vanilla gringo on the show. After a barrage of mind numbing retardedry of phone calls Hotdogs ended the show with his weekend plans. He’s going to party, fix some shit, renew his medcard, and then he’s gonna fuck yer mum, LOVE IT!
It’s what we’ve all been waiting for since Ellis signed off on Tuesday, guys, it’s time to find out what went on in New York City in the big contract meeting of doom that may or may not have been all that doomy and equally may or may not have involved lots and lots of use of the Daddy Voice!! As you probably know there was a ‘Best Of’ in place of the regular show for Wednesday as Ellis took a trip to NYC (we over here on the East Coast just call it The City because we all know that, really, it’s the only city that matters) to talk contract with SiriusXM big-wearing wigs…or maybe the wigs are big and the guys are small…or the wigs just look big but they big bosses have small heads…whatever…SiriusXM BigWigs were Daddy Voiced into submission by Ellis and then he returned to California to be the voice on the radio that you didn’t listen to today (I assume since you are here reading this lovely recap on this even lovelier website) and he is happy to be back under the California sun and probably even happier because all of the bullshit is over and done with. Ellis informed us that it was sunny in NY as well, which actually surprised the hell outta me since I woke up yesterday morning and my car was floating down the driveway, just about, thanks to the twelve inches of rain that fell a mere 45 minutes east of Manhattan…but no one really cares about me, everyone wants to know what’s up with the contract!!!!
not gonna tell you yet though cause before Ellis talks contract he needs HotDog to get him some coffee and by the way HotDog, do you ever go out in the sun and OH NY GOD YOU NEED TO SERIOUSLY TAKE CARE OF YOUR BACK OF THE NECK HAIR BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS AT LEADT THREE LEVELS OF OFFENSIVE! Back of the neck HotDog hair (and btw saying hotdog hair in my head as I write this has made me never ever want to eat a hotdog again cause…ick) was exposed when HotDog was telling Ellis that he does go out in the sun and yesterday while Ellis was negotiating his still hairless balls off, the Hotdog and family were at Universal Studios doing it up Gangster Style with a VIP ultra inclusive behind the scenes tour- so take that!!
On to the juicy- Ellis stayed at The Night Hotel in NYC which he explicitly did a shout out for because of how much they fucking sucked!!!! Ellis laments that he was late to all of his meetings because his key card to get into the room was constantly faulty and he didn’t know why he bothered anyway as he was only traveling with a backpack and he only used the room to shower because the bed in his room was 5yo race car bed sized. Total bust. Ellis then went on to say that he wasn’t a fan of NYC in general to which I said, “whatever,” but he was more interested in the grassy bits he had to pass to get back to the airport where he hung out for four hours to unwind rather than try and figure out something to do in THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD. But, whatever, kept you hanging on long enough so I’ll get to the contract. WIN. Ellis is soon to be signed on (cause no actual signing has taken place as of yet) for two more years at SiriusXM, though he is not contractually obligated to continue broadcasting in the event of some tragic untimely death in those 2 years. Ellis wasn’t completely handed over control of his own channel but Faction is going to be Faction With Jason Ellis and Ellis has control over 10 solid hours of Faction in addition to being able to add a one hour show, and also he, Tully, Wilson, and Backbone will have more day over what is played on Faction with Jason Ellis. Also, Rawdog Channel will soon commence playing TJES replays on the weekends and one weekend per month there will be a TJES takeover on Faction. To the behind the scenes stuff…starting Monday the show will have an engineer on staff to help with any I that pesky microphone buzzing or spun issues or computer issues or whatever an engineer does to help prevent a wide array of technical difficulties. TJES will also have a Real Producer who has all kinds of credentials and radio street cred who can book fancy guests that don’t want to be on the show now because they communicate with Cumtard. Sorry, love you Cumtard. The show has also been given a bigger budget and approval to do more remote shows and things like that to let them interact more with all of us wonderful fans!! Ellis is pretty happy with the whole thing and says that it’s probably better he wasn’t really given his whole own separate channel at this point in the game because he never really realized how much went into all of this shite and he doesn’t really want to be aggravated about what’s going on on the radio at two in the morning with some stupid DJ doing something moronic that doesn’t involve doing kettle bell swings between playing songs. Ellis talks a little bit about plans for October since there will be no Ellismania this year and it seems there will be some sort of event going on in that terrible New York City place October 18 – 26 involving HorseForce, maybe a cricket game, and an EMX qualifier fight. I got bummed a little bit cause I have a wedding to attend on the 19th…but then I was like ‘weddings are for getting drunk (such a romantic, I am) so who’s gonna care if I show up hungover and proceed with some Hair of the Dog type cure?!?! Fucking no one.
After that talk turns quickly over to the fact that Ellis is going to be racing UTV’s Saturday and Sunday at Lake Elsinore (thank you google for spelling assistance on that one) and everyone and anyone is invited to check that out. Ellis is a little wary because he has to bring the kiddies and he knows Devin isn’t going to be all that into it, but you know what, tough shit. Sometimes being a kid means doing things and going places that you don’t. Tully is quick to agree with this because he has suddenly found himself being a parent who goes to the park every night because that’s what his kid wants to do and he doesn’t really want to go to the park every night but not he’s caught in the vicious cycle of routine. They talk back and forth about the good old days before portable computers that fit in your pocket where you had a grand old time playing with sticks and rocks and the magic substance created when you added water to dirt. Ellis thinks kids today are nowhere near up to the snuff of kids of yesteryear and if he were five years old today going up against any of the five year olds of today, he’d be able to shit whip any of them. To subject you all to my own perspective, Hubbs and I are currently knee deep in the whole issue of having a kid used to his iPad or going to fairs and festivals or bounce houses every weekend and, now that he’s five cannot stop telling us how bored he is if we are not constantly entertaining him. Ugh. Seriously he tried telling me the other day I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to leave him in our fenced in non-pool backyard for two minutes the other day while I ran inside to gets his nerf gun. I dealt with this by laughing, telling him I’m sure he would be alright standing on the porch alone for two minutes and taking my sweet ass time finding new batteries for the nerf gun. Ellis took a couple of calls from fans congratulating him on the contract and electing themselves for a one hour show and we got to hear from OxyCotten John whose idea for ‘Sober Hour with Oxy John’ is a decidedly terrible one.
Back from the break there is a guest in studio who looks like Ellis, is from Australia, and has no idea what TJES is just that’s he’s heard that he looks like the guy who hosts the show…his name is Paul de Gelder and he even sounds a lot like Ellis except that Ellis has that twinge of American in his accent that reveals that he has sold his soul to America. Paul de Gelder is a former Navy Paratrooper/diver kind of guy, which he explains is like the equivalent of being a US Navy Seal who is a current Motivation Speaker and Shark Weeker and Shark Attack Survivor. In other words, he is Ellis’ future Aussie Bestie. They went through Aussie Bro-downs throughout the interview- talking about drinking beer, where they grew up and went to school (which from the way they talked was pretty close to one another), and Ellis expressed a lot of envy over Paul’s robot arm, robot leg, and shark attack story. What was the shark attack story? Well, to try and nutshell it, Paul was swimming in Sydney Harbor for a training exercise and was on his back when a shark came swimming along, thought he looked enough like a seal and chomped into his right thigh. Paul said his first instinct was to do what, by now, we’ve all heard is the thing to do and try and poke it in it’s eye and punch it’s nose, but he wasn’t completely able to because the shark also had his right hand which had been at his side and he couldn’t quite reach it with the left hand. The shark pulled him under the water and started in on the death shake which ripped out his hamstring along with other thigh meat and destroyed his hand. He gets out of the sharks mouth and goes to swim towards his safety boat when he realizes that he can’t swim with his right non-hand and bitten leg and does the best as he can with his left side while trying to keep his right arm above his heart (which he credits to his army training). He gets pulled on to the boats by his friends and promptly passes out and they tourniquet his leg and awakes to his friend Tom-O punching his chest because he thinks his heart stopped and Paul was dying. Paul says this is when he started thinking “today sucks” and the seriousness of the situation sunk in because his friends could not stop swearing and he made the request to Tom-o to “get someone to look after my motorcycle” cause, Aussie Priorities, yo. He was given lots and lots of drugs for the pain including medical grade cocaine (Red Dragons) and after having his hand amputated and the Doctor telling him that if they saved his leg it could catch on fire and he wouldn’t even realize it, Paul recalls telling the doctor, “Doc, just take my leg and turn me into a terminator.” This guy was really funny, I loved it. He talked about his robot hand and prosthetic leg a bunch, describing the different things his hand could do like ‘beer drinking mode’, ‘nipple gripple mode’, and ‘robot gentleman mode’, and demonstrated to Ellis and Tully a button the sir that made it go all floppy. They talked a bit about fighting and training and how they have twin floppy noses from being broken and Ellis catching punches with his nose as a fighting tactic, and then they talked sharks. Paul holds no Ill will towards the animals and, in fact, loves them and is up to his eyeballs in Shark Activism to save the sharks as they are being killed off and as Apex Predators (aka the things at the top of the food chain) killing them has very far reaching effects that would come to harm humans as well. He mentions that he’ll be going in Shark After Dark that night for Shark Week on the Discovery channel (he was awesome, I watched ye replay of it at like one in the morning and he was super funny and charming and didn’t let Chelsea Handler’s epic plastic surgery face spook him) and he talked a bit about the special he filmed for shark week called Great White Matrix which will air on Saturday involving studying Great White Pups and how they learn to be Great White Predators. All in all he was a great guest and will hopefully be back as a guest in the future after he moves from Australia to Los Angeles with his Beauty Queen girlfriend. He was a great, very entertaining and charming guest and if you have On Demand I would definitely recommend checking out Paul de Gelder on TJES, and in the meantime check him out on social media he is pauldegelder everywhere.
Back from the break following the Aussie Bro Down invasion Tully brings us some random news stories which included some guy who was a caretaker at an old house and found a bunch of whiskey from 1912 that was valued at over a hundred thousand dollars and proceeded to drink it all and then die before he can get prosecuted (from something that probably wasn’t related to drinking all of that whiskey). Also some old lady managed to fly on a plane without paying for a ticket but she won’t explain to the media exactly how she dd it because she’s an American and doesn’t want the terrorists to know. In other news more directly related to The Jason Ellis Show, Ellis has been challenged to the ALS ice bucket challenge by Sam Schacher and he wants to make it really awesome because he’s been challenged a couple of times and this time he really has to actually get it done. They toss ideas back and forth and take calls from listeners where Ellis thinks about doing a Moto jump through a sheet of ice, but eventually settles on getting a bucket of ice water dumped on his head after being punched by Keith Jardine since they’re sparring in the morning anyway. And Ellis is gonna make the $100 donation to ALS research as well.
Next up Tully has a clip of yet another weird and disturbing Canadian PSA which featured puppets singing a song about not putting things in their mouth. It was cheery and prolly should have been remixed to include a ‘that’s what she said’ after every line and I got a good tweet out of it involving me sucking Hubbs’ cock so it didn’t bring me down. Will comes in to get some Wolfknives names out of the way and they only do a couple because Mike Catherwood showed up (leaving me wondering what happened with the whole Heidi and Frank versus Ellis and Tully password game that was discussed on Tuesday) so welcome to the pack Pool Hogan, Gamma Gangster, Wet Blowjob, El Guzy, and Shark Dick!!!!
Mike Catherwood is in the studio for yet another show within a show, but this time it’s a different show within a show with a sick into called Fuckline. So, you know, it’s like Loveline except with Dr. Ellis and Dr. Tully cohosting and a lot more cursing and a lot less beating around the bush using sciencey sounding words. It was a great, hilarious segment that was not lacking for calls from fans looking for advice in their sex lives and we mostly learned that most sex acts can be made successful with the use of poppers and vicodin. It also comes out that you either have sexual chemistry with someone or you don’t and if you’re wife just wants you to whore fuck her all the time there are deeper issues in the relationship, but if you masturbate so much that you no longer want to bother with the whole intimacy thing thn you should just whore fuck her and get it over with. A call comes in from a girl looking for advice as she’s been getting sexually suggestive picture messages from a coworker at in opportune times, but Mike calls out the caller ‘Tiffany’ as Sam Schacher and tells her it’s alright if she’s really calling about the anal sex problem she and her husband have because he’s hung like a horse. Another female caller who wanted to suggest having a female cohost for Fuckline gets brought in on the call and advises Sam to reach for the tequila and feel lucky that she has Luxury Problems. Fuckline was really hilarious an was interspersed with conversations about what could be making Ellis’s jaw all cracky and painful and what he should do about it. They settle on the fact that it’s probably TMJ caused by chomping down on too much Beave…and talk about Luxury Problems! Haha…I’m sympathetic to the whole TMJ thing because I suffer from it and it really does hurt and it’s really annoying and it was always mildly embarrassing getting it treated because I got the treatment from my boss and another coworker and they would routinely advise me to refrain from sucking so much dick…and I think we all know how well that worked out.
And that’s about all folks!!!! A great show this Thursday, sorry for the delay in posting the recap!!!! Xoxo
You’re listening to The Jason Ellis Show, and it’s Thursday, and you’re reading this which means that you probably didn’t listen to the show and it may not even be Thursday anymore!!! So welcome to your regularly scheduled Thursday recap by the most wonderful female from this website!!! The competition tis stiff, but week after week, I manage to be the best titty toting vagina having writer on here. And yeah…I make that joke almost every week that my truck doesn’t explode..but who cares!!! I have a vagina and boobies and they are wonderful!!!
Ellis starts off the show talking about food and wondering if it tastes better now and if that is the reason that there are so many fat people nowadays. Tully is quick to confirm that, yeah, food sure does taste a lot better now than it probably ever use to but it’s probably not the reason that everyone is fat now. Everyone is fat now because we live in a society of excess where all of the work that we do is not very physical and the people who are doing a lot of the physical work don’t have the means to indulge in the excesses like the rest of us. Tully didn’t say that last bit, but you never would have known that if I hadn’t said anything…so…whatever. They then start talking about the store Air One which was Whole Foods before Whole Foods existed and, if you’re like me and have never seen or been in an Air One imagine the place that Whole Foods would be if it were run by your mom and there were no cakes that had any sort of gluten or sugar or eggs in them. Ellis says that he feels like the gluten free market is really stepping up in their game because a lot of the foods and snacks and desserts at Air One are so good it feels like he’s cheating without cheating…and to people like me who have a cheat day once a week, tat sounds fucking amazing.
Then there is some commotion that goes on outside that the guys can hear inside of the studio and they are thrown off for a few minutes because Tully mentions that he saw two trucks from In&Out Burger at the building next door because it is apparently party day next door and that’s must be where the outside noise is coming from. This leads to discussion about the land outside the studio in general where we have all heard that there is a great view of the Hollywood Sign that…bumbumbum…anyone in the studio can’t see because there is a wall in the way and why doesn’t someone put in a motherfucking window? Tully has the answer good and ready because Tully is kind of like the google of the studio whe the listeners aren’t called to action and informs Tully that to put a window into the wall of the building that is already made of glass it would be two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Insanity. Ellis could hand that shit with a side grinder. Boom. Done.
Around here is where there is some unfortunate drama regarding Cumtard, that girl that flew to LA to bang him, and whatever happened on and after their date last night. It reminded me of the whole Rawdog thing and it got a little edgy and the for some reason Tully decided to take the blame for it, which Ellis didn’t even acknowledge, but it’s one of those things where Ellis got all bummed and angry over someone trying to tell him what he can and can not say on his show. Cumtard was quick to try and mollify the whole thing and say that it’s not him who cares, it’s the girl, but that didn’t really make anything any better and after a few minutes of back and forth and yelling about the whole thing Tully took the reigns and ended it with, “let’s move on”. Thank goodness for that guy. They move on to some talking about Will quitting smoking and how Will doesn’t know the date and he should really figure out what day it was because it’s a big deal and a day that should be remembered. Both @crackerstacker and myself answered the non call and tweeted the show the date because we are awesome, and yeah, you beat me to the punch, buddy, my boobs got in the way. They talked for a bit about vaping and a package they received from Pied Piper Vape Pens, which they were pumped about and the talk of weed spurned them to talking about other kind of drugs and how they should do a show on crack and a show on ecstacy. Or a podcast if they, for some reason, encounter a problem doing drugs in the studio. They talk about how neither of them have ever had a bad experience on ecstacy and it seems likes a reasonably okay drug to dabble in.
Ellis mentions that his thumb hurts as Tully reminisces of the back in the day when he and Cullen were young and invincible and Cullen had a full head of hair and they were on the band scene because Ellis held hard onto the Ultimate Powerchord while he was writing a song and jamming with Katie in their band that is not yet good enough to have a name. Ellis talks about how their band will never really have the kind of band or talent to make a bunch of really good songs, but he truly believes try have it in them to make one really good song filled with Barbaric Brutal Riffs and Tully likens it to being able to find the best item of clothing in a thrift shop. But really, we all know that Ellis is going to be saving his very best for the emergence of HorseForce where Tully is looking forward to Ellis writing the center part of a spiderweb of riffs that he and Christian can build on creating a full spiderweb of wonderful HorseForce music filled with Barbaric Brutal Riffs and they will all go down in history as being a part of the funniest most metal band of all time.
Will gets called back into the studio for some Wolfknives names after he gets off his conference call, not cigarette break, with some dude who’s name I genuinely forget but who runs the My SXM for the phone app and website where you customize your SXM listening experience. The app that I just mentioned is also where you can find The Jason Ellis Channel and never have to feel like you can’t listen to this glorious man talk 24 hours a day. As for the few new members of the Wolfknives….welcome The Toe Cuttah, Pre Cum, The Asian Cajun, Jesus Fucking Christ, Bus Penguin, Michael Felch, and Nobody’s Listenin!!!!
Back from the first break it’s time for some MMA news that I mostly listened to but was driving and took no notes!!!! Apparently everyone got knocked out in their fights and there is no disguising ‘I just for kicked right in the liver’ pain and the kicks that these new guys are throwing these days are new kicks and not the kicks of yesteryear. Tully made fun if one I the Brazilian fighters who had his own name tattooed across his back and Ellis confirmed that Brazilians do indeed have the worst tattoos ever. Chris Weidman, the current champ who’s body broke Anderson Silva’s leg wants his next fight to be with Vitor Belfor and Dana White has said that he would like to see that happen. But..how could that happen when Belfor is all on roids and there’s none of that or TRT in UFC anymore?!?! Ellis su she would have to roid his face off for a while and then get off them long enough to pee in a cup and have it come out clean. Ronda Rousey is also in the news saying that she wants to be the female version of the Rock after her fighting career is over because there is no real female action hero out there and Ellis and Tully are both pretty alright about that. Speaking of The Rock, Tully brings up the forthcoming Hercules (which Ellis thinks is going to suck unless you’re under 12) in regards to an article he read about what Dwayne Johnson’s 7 meals a day diet consisted I for filming. Let’s just say that dude was eating filet mignon twice a day, broccoli, asparagus, and egg whites to the extent that he probably killed several makeup artists over the course of filming by the power of his farts alone. Yuck. They then watch a video of the worst choir of all time which features a bunch of really old people singing today’s hits in what I think I supposed to be three part harmony, but they are so bad that I really am not sure, and Tully concludes that these are the type of old people who were never ever cool. When Ellis gets old he plans on playing pool…he will not be singing in a choir.
Back from the second break it’s halftime so be sure to check whatever balls you have for cancer and remember to not be a patron at any restaurant that serves shark fin soup because it can kill both you and the environment and that looks good on no one.
Joining Ellis and Tully in the studio are Mike Catherwood and his lovely wife Bianca who are there for some good old fashioned marriage counseling from Big Daddy J who Dr. Drew has convinced he is also a doctor. This whole idea came about, for those of you who don’t remember, after Mike and Bianca came to the Gokarting race and Ellis sensed that shit was all kinds of amiss. They get started talking about using natural deodorant and toothpaste, which Tully admits he is also currently using, but eventually they get around to talking about their couple problems which really seems to center around Mike and intimacy issues that he developed after things that happened while he was growing up. Ellis diagnoses that Mike needs more authority and power in the relationship and suggests that the way to accomplish this is for Bianca to kiss Foxxy while Mike grabs her penis (at which point Foxxy enters the studio) and Bianca is all ‘ummmmmm…..no’. The whole kissing, knob holding winds up never happening, but they all do get some real talk in there. Apparently the biggest issue that they are working on is Mike’s complete inability to initiate sex with his wife. Like, ever. Again, this goes back to an intimacy issue and fear of rejection, but Bianca told him that she didn’t want to initiate all of the time, especially after she had the baby. Mike also received tips from Ellis, Tully, and Foxxy on how to be more romantic and loving to his wife in the bedroom and how to slow things down since he admits that he only has one pump speed and that is ‘full speed ahead’. Bianca starts telling a little story about how the most sexually romantic Mike has ever been was when he was giving here a perineal massage in preparation if the home birth of their baby and I had an ‘aw’ ready to burst out of my mouth but Mike ruined it by making a joke about gaping cause, well, remember this intimacy issues? Well…cause of that. He also managed to make an analog of his sex life with his wife to a game of pickup basketball in Venice Beach. Sigh.
During that time there was also some talk about what Ellis would be like as like as a 65 year old if he sex drive stays as high as it is now and they all cultivated a truly spectacular image of Ellis ‘The Cockodile’ with a croc tattooed on his dick and Katie being the Cockodile Hunter (the only one who can tame the beast) and the women that wound encounter the predator and the possible ensuing exploits…and all I can keep thinking about that is I would actually pay money to see Katie dressed up in a sexy Croc Hunter outfit giggling her way through doing an Australian accent saying ridiculous things about The Cockodile.
Back from the final break Tully and Ellis want to to talk about sexual fantasies and who out there has some good ones! Ellis, as we all know, is pretty determined to have a tensome, Tully wants to bang Yolandi from Die Antwood because he’s kind of in love with her in a way that makes me go ‘awwwww’, and Foxxy wants to be a part of a gangbang and now, she doesn’t want any other ladies around- she wants it all about her!! Hell yeah Foxxy!!! There are a lot of calls from listeners with everything from ‘I wish my wife would blow me and swallow my load and enjoy it’ to ‘I want to be gang raped by smurfs’ and ‘I want to have sex with a girl or guy in a horse costume because I love My Little Pony’ and ‘I want to be raped by a mermaid’. Ellis sent a tee shirt to a guy who called in and said he wanted his girlfriend’s (imaginary) girlfriend to titty fuck his cock with his girlfriends tits- which is complicated to say, but damn that sure is some next level titty fucking!! I’ve been trying to think of my sexual fantasy…but….it’s not that I don’t have any…but it’s actually all stuff I’ve already done and that me and Hubbs haven’t had the opportunity to do lately. I almost got some rooftop fucking today…but of course everyone seemed to be around the college campus we were at for a good part of the afternoon in the middle of the goddamn summer!!!!! Ugh!!!!!
ps…sorry for the lack of links!!! I’m writing this on my iPhone cause we are still at work and it does not let me put them in on my phone even the button is right fricking there!!!! I decided to do this from my phone because I have no idea what time we’ll actually be getting home tonight and I wanted to get it posted before, you know, the recap for tomorrow was posted. And I wanna have sex when we get home…a lot of it…cause we didn’t get to have sex on a roof today and that’s a goddamn tragedy!!!