Show Re-Cap for Monday 9/16/2013

cyanide_wrecking_ball

Frank’s dream is to re-make Miley’s Wrecking Ball video.

It’s Monday, and you know what that means! Time to wipe the shit off your lower lip and act like an adult in front your peers. It’s also time to pretend all those things you did on the weekend never actually happened. Wilson is still traveling that stinky shithole we all couldn’t wait to leave, going to Pink Floyd concerts, and getting terrible haircuts. Dingo is here though, he also left a stinky shithole, but he has lovely locks. Frank DeCaro came on the show right from the start, he has no hair, and I don’t think he has any plans to leave his husband’s stinky shithole. HEYOH! Frank has lost a child. In weight, not an actual child. He also went to Alaska and walked and stuff because he’s feeling more energized after dropping 30 pounds of homogenized fat. Ellis told Frank he’d send a boner picture to him if he lost another 30 pounds, Frank upped the bet by saying 40 pounds if there’s a tiny dribble of pre-cum on tip. I felt dirty and used just typing that. Dingo’s footsie coach in school said if you laid back and couldn’t see your pubes, you were overweight. This led the guys to think Dingo’s coach should likely be in jail, but he’s not. He’s still out there talking about pubes to young boys and his scientific method of measuring if you’re overweight or not. Speaking of pubes, Frank asked if Ellis had grown back his red pubes yet, Dingo quickly answered for Ellis – so what today must have been spa day for the two.

rawdog_astronaut

Rawdog at space camp.

Ellis is not a whale, but if he was a whale, he’d appreciate it if you didn’t steal his children from him. He also talked to Slash this morning and might have convinced him to come on the show again. Rawdog went to another hockey game with his girlfriend and they left about halfway through to meet up with his dad who was there covering the Emmy’s or some shit. Dingo made it sound like he was there watching them fuck in the crowd, but no. It was nothing like that. Everyone except Dingo thought the Mayweather vs Alvaraz fight sucked and El Diablo Blanco lost that fight, so who cares about the fight or what celebrities attended it. There was a shitload of talk about Justin Bieber because he was at the fight, but I completely blanked, I’m Bieber’d out. People died today after at least 1 gunman shot 11 other people at the Washington Navy Yard. There could be another gunman at large, deets are sketch, yo. So yeah, that sucks. Crazy shithouse people and their crazy asshole ways make for a crazy fuckhole of a world for the rest of us. Dingo has the Swiss Franc symbol tattooed on his arm for no apparent good reason other than his friend did it. Tully’s wife it totally dude friendly, they spent the weekend watching The Expendables 2, watching the Mayweather fight, and watching the Packer’s game – all of which was her idea. Apparently there’s a news story going around about Donald Schultz being charged with allegedly & illegally selling lizards.

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Too much Bieber gives me a headache.

A little bit of dream talk. Dingo has dreamed a lot about having his teeth fall out and apparently that’s a pretty common dream, along with punching or running in slow motion in your dreams. Rawdog has dreamed a lot about falling and he wakes up just before he hits, like most children have dreamed. Tully recently dreamed about Justin Bieber and how they were old friends and they just wanted to get away from the crowds and go get a drink together, which should tell you something about Tully and scare the fuck out of you. And Ellis recently dreamed about his dad’s pale, dead body being wrapped in a sheet and in bed next to him. This lead into another fucking round of Justin Bieber talk. What. The. Fuck. I zoned out again because fuck that kid for being the topic of discussion not only once, but twice in an hour and half on the show I love. Thankfully the show went into break and stopped the Bieber shit.

psa_get_that_money

A PSA should you have a need to collect your $1 million you won from a dice game.

We came from break with Hollywood news and I shit you not. And if I hear anything about Bieber, I’m going to make you all pay by scraping the recap and talking only about the potential presence of ancient aliens and Stonehenge. Some dude at a Beyoncé show pulled her off stage and into the crowd, she didn’t even give a rats ass. Ellis thinks Beyoncé is the greatest performer alive, Rawdog thinks Kanye is, and Dingo flipped the fuck out over the Beyoncé stance as he thinks Lady Gaga is the best, and Tully had to preemptively hush Dingo after he tried to hush him. So who is the greatest entertainer? I don’t fuckin’ know man, what the hell kind of loaded question is that? Carlos Santana crashed into a parked car in Las Vegas and he wasn’t even drunk, so it must have been a black magic woman. Hulk Hogan was in an accident, on a boat, and he had a boo-boo with some blood. Jaden Smith went on an anti-education tirade on Twitter, and clearly his 15-year-old ass smarter than everyone else’s so Stephen Hawking can suck it, man. P Diddy lost 1 million green backs to Rick Ross in a game of dice and he don’t give a shit about it, so suck his dick, bitch. Some chick born in America and is of Indian descent (dot, not feather) chick won the Miss America title and people are getting their white people underwear in a knot about it because they’re racist as fuck. Also, don’t read anything into that “dot, not feather” thing above, that was meant as a joke – you honky-ass cracker. HEYOH!

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Kids? Sure! Love ’em! Taste great & less filling!

Rawdog is starting to make some changes to get in shape for his fight with Nick Swardson. What has he been doing to train? Lifting kettle bells again, cutting out a nugget or two from his diet, and forcing a green drink down every so often. Ellis has been provoking both Nick and Rawdog, so now Nick is looking to have Rampage or David Spade corner for him at EllisMania 9. This brought us to only second break in three hours because there’s too much show! This also brought me to mere minutes away from my gloriously shitty drive home in traffic, look at me go! No where. Insanely slow. Coming back, we had some clown news. First up, there are photos of a dude in Northampton freaking out people with his creepy clown behavior and nobody knows what the fuck is up his clown antics. Next up, you can hire a creepy clown to stalk and terrorize your children by sending them threatening texts and shit, what could possibly go wrong? And lastly, apparently the classic clown was a parody of the stereotypical Irish immigrants with big red noses and shitty clothes. Take that, ya drunken lushes! Only 3 breaks were taken today, showing that there sometimes truly is too much show and also showing how good the guys are. That’s a lot of radio without a break and isn’t easy to do. So shout out to the fellas for being sick cunts! I tried to call in as Jesus, stoked because he was the 47th caller. It turned out like shit, my phone kept cutting out, people couldn’t hear me and I couldn’t hear them. So sorry about that! But as The Lord, I’ma let you in on a little secret… How do I know the apostles were Mexican? There were twelve and they all traveled around in one accord. OH!

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 5/2/13

Welcome to yet another Thursday edition of The Sounds Funny Show with your host Sounds Funny, aka Billy Madison.  That and Diddy is knock kneed, whatever the fuck that means.  Listen to this shit, Ellismate, the myth, the man, the ledge, said NO to a TV show.  Fuck oath mate!  Apparently it was some CMT show about tattoos with The Wing being a judge.  Sounds awesome so far, especially considering CMT has such shows as County Fried Home Videos, Guntucky, Redneck Island with Stone Cold Steve Austin, and who could forget Dog And Beth On The Hunt…..but it would take him away from the radio show and that shit ain’t right!  Besides, like Rawdog reminded him this only makes the TV networks want him more.  Getting over a wheat allergy makes you want pizza more, just ask Linsanity who is over such an allergy, and probably passed out as you read this from his first slice of pie, Red Dragons to you my little Asian baby friend.  Speaking of little Asian baby friends who aren’t Asian, or babies anymore really, Tiger and Devin were jamming out to Master Of Puppets with Ellismate and despite their attempt, they couldn’t deny the riff!  Oh, and in case you forgot, Dom is a moron.  I’m not getting into how gluttony obvious he’s a glutton for glutenous abuse.

 

Bet he would have said yes to this....

Bet he would have said yes to this….

 

Hollywood News bitches and it starts on a somber tone, as Mac Daddy of Kris Kross has passed on to the ghetto in heaven, may Barry bless your sole.   Lindsay Lohan, queen of Hollywood News, may be queen of some California Prison for Women, check it out!  Katy Perry’s dad is a religious nut job from way back.  People don’t like Jesse James no more, but to me the news was they did in the first place, not OH!  Reese Witherspoon spoke out on being blasted and driving, and she’s totally pregnant too!  That’s realyl it for Hometown News, so which celebrity would Ellis be able to bang n maybe date a little to gain some serious followers on Vine?  Honestly this should be a World’s Greatest, but while were here the discussion was basically between Meryl Streep who’s just too famous, Rihanna who’s just too stupid, Lady Gaga which was just a bad idea in the first place, and of course Ke$ha who was the winner by default.  Looks kids, it can’t always be Radio Gold!

 

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Holy shit this is crazy, some dude in Saskatoon got ticketed for not wearing a seat belt, but dude has no arms!  Well of course a story this gnarly gets Rawdog, Tully and Ellis going on whether or not this scenario is safe.  What does happen if you, having no arms, go flying out your windshield into some dude walking his dog down the street?  Rawdog says dude should have to wear a seat belt, Ellis doesn’t – who’s right?  Some judge somewhere told this trucker dude that if you get into an accident, and slide out of your seat but the car remains in motion, you can’t stop it….so the seat belt also keeps you in your seat to control the car in a time of emergency.  Fucking geek speak but good shit, so I guess we witnessed some more accidental genius.  Enough of that, Cumtard is back on the show and sounds awesome, good vibe, and except for a kidney stone the size of the areolas in Rawdog’s dreams, is healthy and working out.  Good shit Kevin, so what’s he here for – to plus his shit!  Not without first having to defeat his nemesis and arch enemy, who he says he’s cool with but we all know is a total cover, Domtard in a game of Shock Pictionary.  Going in the odds were on Cumtard for sure, well since he created the game in the first place.  First to 3 (not best of 3) and the teams are Cumtard and Ellis Tully Ellis no wait yeah Ellis (Not cause he wanted to avoid Cumtard rather shock the shit out of Dom), against Domtard and Tully.  Round One was well played by both but Domtard edged it out by drawing ‘Fire’ in less than 16 seconds.  Round 2 Cumtard ‘TV’ 4 seconds!  If you do go back and listen, be sure to catch Dom’s 2 minute 20 second sketch of a clown, hilarious!  Round 3 was quite the opposite, with Cumtard getting shocked like hell for over a minute drawing a ‘Cigar’, and Domtard taking the round with a 10 second ‘Moustache’.  Now i don’t know what happened after that, but these two mutherfuckers dug deep and pulled out some heroics the likes of Al Bundy at Polk High.  Round 4 was pretty crazy, with Cumtard just edging Dom out with a 9 second master piece entitled ‘Alien’.  Tied up and all the money on the line, Cumtard starts round 5 with a 6 second ‘Hitler’ (Shitty Band Name if anyone needs it), but is ultimately outdone by a 4 second ‘Sun’ to give Domtard the victory!  So fuck that sucks, Kevin can’t plug his shit, what do we do?  Give him another chance on the punch machine, and if he can beat the top female score, he can plug his shit!  Sounds fair, and remember I said Kevin sounds much healthier, well he laid into the first one and knocked a 55 which was already enough to beat all the ladies and get his plug.  But fuck that, Cumtard took all 3 shots, and maxed out at a 60 on his last punch, bringing him even with the likes of Tully and Dingo!  So does he get his plug, well not really cause all he got was to get a load shot on his face by fifty while videoed for Vine.  Ok fine he can have a shitty little plug – Go to www.riotcast.com and check the merchandise tab for his Mad Scientist Party Hour tee’s n shit, or just click here!

 

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This mutha fucker here is clearly Fucktard Of The Week – way to go champ!  Ellis is getting a milkshake bar in the studio with elk cum in it so he can roid up and beat the shit out of any Gracie who wants it.  The Everlast song is allegedly done, fuck yeah!  And this is the most racist commercial ever kinda stupid!  Breaking News and its tragic kids so I warn you this fucking sucks – Slayer guitarist Jeff Hanneman has died at the age of 49 years old.  Instead of a moment of silence, I’d rather offer you this, and please take 4 minutes out of your day and listen to the riff and may he be remembered as great as this!

Jeff Hanneman (1/31/1964 - 5/2/2013)

                               Jeff Hanneman (1/31/1964 – 5/2/2013)

Slingin’ Cream is real damn it, just ask Mr. Ding-A-Ling and how he was threatened by rival owner Sno Cone Joe, no bullshit!  And if you don’t think that’s funny, then go back and listen to Ellis run off a list of new Wolfknife names.  I’m not gonna list them all, in fact I’m not gonna list any.  Final calls pretty much were just about a whole bunch of randomness really.  One caller did have the nerve to call in and steal my closing joke, about how your grandmother went to the swap meet and picked up some porn to keep the 6 year old entertained while I slang some of my own cream, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 2/14/2013

Today’s Valentines Day Show recap is for the ladies, so Happy VD from Ghostload ladies!  Oh, and now a Happy VD to the fellas too, #FullHomo.  Speaking of Full Homo, Tully took Linsanity to some museum and Ellis is working super dad hard on new approaches to his kids.  All sounding good to me, and to Ellis too who gave himself some more HTFU advice and is rolling on, Brother!  Ellis really does believe the show will have a REAL producer soon, and that THC should call him every night and threatening him.  Sounds kinda cool, but not as cool as Chad Reed Day a week from 22-morrow.  Doing Stuff With Rawdog with a VD twist, how do you propose to your hopeful wife to be, tonight?  Now we all know that you gotta hear Rawdog to understand him, but basically you need a boat small yacht, a life guard on stand by, a walkie talkie, and you better prey its not cloudy tonight.   Or you could just bring your own Minora to dinner and do it over candleslight.  For real for real, he’d just have the Domino’s dude bring it in a box of those tasty fucking chocolate dunkers they got.  Tully threw in his 2 cents, just do it like a magician, except the ring is the quarter……..and her ear is her pussy!

 

I Love You Too!

I Love You Too!

 

So this gay dude said he ain’t got the gay no more on account that he was saved by Jesus, at a bar, but turns out he still kinda got a little gay still.  Fuck Yeah – Ellis got the new punching machine and it is time to try it out.  Some callers got to take bets on who would beat who, but only the upsets of course and for cash n prizes.  Basically each took someone against Ellis, but if they lost…well we can get to that later.  For those playing at home Tully lays the odds as (From 1st to last) Ellis, Jizz Cult, himself and Cumtard even, and Rawdog last.  He’s from Oxford, so lets go with that and see what happens.  3 punches each and use only your highest single score.  Oh and Ellis’s little girl got a 55 on this thing, which I think scores from 0-100.  Cumtard up first with some Street Fighter shit, and topped out at only a 40!   Jizz Cult, Jizz Cult, Jizz Cult got a 50.  Super Dad up next and Tully got a respectable 60 to at least beat Snookie.  Rawdog banged out a 46 which was pretty good considering.  The intern snuck in to grab a 54, almost buddy!  How about Ellismate, a 58 – no shit Tully knocked out Ellis, on radio.  That or this machine ain’t the accurate, maybe but unlikely I think!   Oh yeah, a few dudes got to the Prize Chamber, but on Ellismania.com coming soon….dude licking his dog’s ass….dude to fart on his girlfriend…..and look for Robert who has to smoke a microwaved load joint – yup!

 

 

Now this dude is ready to play Dick Baseball

Now this dude is ready to play Dick Baseball

Britney Markham is in the house you bitches.  Transsexual porn star, bitch, and she fought in a prior Ellis Mania event bitch, she’s the bitch who puked in the bucket in the ring, Red Dragons bitches!  Allegedly some of that vomit got on Carmen Electra, who was in the front row bitch, and she ain’t been back since bitch.  Ok I’m done with the bitch thing, but you get the idea she’s expressive!  What’s Britney got going on?  Just got back from Columbia where she got some ass injections, oh  and she’s got a book like sometime this year.  She’s got a charity going on, The Britney Markham Foundation.  She pissed into a glass on the limo ride to TJES, had and has ball cancer, and may be a little racist.  So what do we do with a tranny of this caliber, play a game – Dick Baseball.  Yeah, they did.  4 boxes set up, each further away in distance.  The farther away the more points and the higher the prize, for the caller.  Oh but there’s a twist my friends, the caller can trade their prize for Cumtard being shock collared and having to catch the balls in his mouth, from the trannies dick.  Ready – Play Ball!   Yeah so baseball is a bit boring, how about it was kinda cool, one dude got a sticker, and pretty quickly it was just Cumtard trying to catch ping pong balls while Tully n Josh took turns pitching to the tranny batter with a huge stick.  Fucking hilarity if you can go back, or catch it on a best of I’m sure.  Cumtard only got the balls on his chin and nose, but never into his mouth, and he got the shit shocked out of him.

 

Best I Could Find On 'Shitting Metal'

Best I Could Find On ‘Shitting Metal’

Some dude bought some bread with shards of glass in it, and we all know that Shitting Glass Is Metal!!!!   So Britney has this friend with her, Paula, who’s telling us all about this bad ass new workout called SeXercise.  She took a moment to show Rawdog the ‘Vine’, where your chic is on the floor doggy, you come in from above and behind, and she wraps a leg around you and resembles a vine = Fucking Genius!  Just one bit of advice I took from the show today, while you do wanna tell your lady about this, please wait til tomorrow dumb ass.  Curious about the Britney Markham diet?  McDonald’s, Xanax, Shit, Anal Douche and repeat.  You Sir Lady Are A Moron.  You know the game, and hopefully you heard it cause my weed dealer stopped by and I had to pause that shit, and you know the fucking Sirius App sucks balls so I finally tune back in to hear the age old question of life – Would you rather live in 40 or 100 degree weather year round?  Answer:  “No One’s Titties Are Out When It’s 40 Degrees Dude” -Jason Ellis. Let’s see, cursive is gay, porn is worse than violence for your kids, Britney can shoot a 12 foot load and obviously give herself a facial, Sear’s beats National Geo for spank material.  Then shit got heavy, would and how often would you blow yourself if you could?  Britney can, bitches!  Ellis verse Tully on this one with Rawdog deep in thought and all we got out of it was a sweet button from Will – Yeah Will!  Stamp Collecting and Dungeons and Dragons are equally gay, but one could lead to a fortune so fuck off.  And Corey Taylor has a book out about possessions n his life n stuff, fucking cool right.  Before Britney could leave she had to do one last thing, punch the machine. She got a 46 which tied Rawdog and that just pissed her off to no end, so good luck with that bitches.

 

What I’ll Be Doing To Your Grandmama’s Box Later Tonight!

 

Hollywood News be Ballin’!  Yeah Jim Jones got arrested for Ballin’ to muthafucking hard, and another time for having snow on his side walk, really.  By now I’m sure you’ve heard about the former no legged Olympian dude that shot his girlfriend, if not here.   Chubby Checker is suing HP over some app that determines your dick size from your show size.  My gut says the majority of you searched for the app rather than reading the story, and if you did read it, it was only to hear more about the app.  Why is Drew Barrymore removing her tattoos – cause she was to be buried in a jew box n live happily ever after in jewternity.  Nicki Minaj sucks.  Ke$ha is fucking hot and apparently this documentary of her says she’s just like ol’ Uncle Ellismate boys n girls.  Well with the piss drinking and shark stuff, fucking Ellis Bob’s your uncle!  James Franco will be unveiling Gay Town at some art festival.  Death! Death! Die! have announced no plans of such said song, yet.  Lady Gaga cancelled her tour cause she tour her labrum, fucking pussy I may have broken my thumb and I ain’t let the fans down on a gnarly TJES recap, bitches Ballin’!  MMA News about NY almost getting their shit together – STD News about whats in store for later tonight.  Some lady called in, I think she was trying to get Ellis to bang her and her husband.  Oh, and Rawdog reviewed some art or some shit.  Not really sure cause I couldn’t wait to break out today’s score and kinda don’t remember much.  All I know, by the time I post this I will be ‘Vining’ your grandma if the bitch can lift her leg that high – Happy VD grandma, OH!